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Alright boys, sit down and shut your yapholes, papas gonna rant at you for a few minutes. Today I want to teach you Philistines about one of the worst events in recorded human history, the
Bronze Age Collapse.
Invasions and migrations c. 1200 BC
Destroyed city
Mycenaean Greece sutjected
Memphis
First things first, holy fuck was this span of about a hundred and fifty years violent. In less than two centuries most of the great empires of the Bronze Age got snuffed. And not in the roman-style "we fell but not really
Imao". Im talking about a thousand years of culture, knowledge, and economic strength gone like a shit down the shower drain.
Multiple times over. So how the fuck did it get so bad so quickly? Well ill tell you how.
Goddamn Chaos worshippers. Yeah thats right, the Sea Peoples.
I want you to picture something here. Its been an era of unprecedented prosperity, in the last century there have been a grand total of *two* major of which might just be a myth Imao) in an area so chock-full of hegemonic imperialist cultures it might as well be a Stellaris game. You know how to read, your family does, even though youre some goat farmer in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Your goats however, get sold across the sea for a hefty chunk of change and you are well fed and healthy for a pre- industrial peasant.
And then these fuckheads crash the party
Enter the Sea Peoples, a band of ruffians and miscreants who did a little bit of trolling on roughly half of the mediteranean's cultures. Im not shitting you they turned everything in straight line from
Greece to Gaza into a pile of smoking rubble. Want to know why so many iron-age nations in the middle east with access to the ocean decided to park their capital cities in the middle of the fucking desert? Its because the Sea Peoples (and a few other invading groups) made them scared to go near the ocean anymore. The destruction of so many major cities by what ammounts to one hell of a frat kegger led to not only a collapse of the lifeblood trade of the Aegean/
Mediterranean, but most of the empires who relied on it to keep their economies afloat.
Throw in not only the other major population by other groups like the
Libyans or Phyrigians, a bunch of inconvenient droughts and plauges following right after the Sea Peoples (note how the sickness follows the invaders from a different area) and general loss of culture and youve got a entire Dark Age going off in the
Mediteranean. In fact, want to know why iron became popular in the first place? Why it would rise to be the main metal of choice throughout the remainder of human history? ts a simple matter of logistics really.
You see. Iron, particularly early iron, was a really, really shitty metal. It was common yes but hard to mine, and worst of all, You needed a ridiculous ammount of heat to smelt the stuff, the kind only found in very expensive furnaces and kilns. On top of this, it wasnt even worth the hassle as anything other than a bauble or decorative piece. Bronze on the other hand is an alloy of copper and tin, the latter being very rare, yes, but is a superior metal. Early cast iron's only real benefit over bronze was that it was more flexible, making a tool break less likely, but it was also a softer metal. There are several legends during the bronze age of Assyrian bronze being able to easily punch through Hittite leather and iron armor while the Assyrians with their all bronze gettups were far harder to poke holes in.
Bronzes big downside, is that it is a logistics! nightmare compared to iron. To make bronze, you need copper and tin, the two of which rarely can be mined in the same area. You then need to transport these two ores god knows how many miles to be refined. Then you have your bronze alloy, great, but now you need to ship it off once again, following more supply lines and trade routes that have to be protected. Trade routes that we must remember, no longer fucking exist. Iron you can refine, mine, and smelt in a single location as you dont need anything to alloy it to to make it strong enough to not break your tool or weapon after the first few swings. On the upside, as the Iron Age progressed, so to did the ability of smiths and refiners to make better and better iron with less malformities. Eventually iron leads to steel, which is our modern magic metal abel has been for nearly
500 years,
In conclusion, the utter clusterfuck of the last century of the Bronze Age led to not only one of, if not the worst catastrophes in Human history. Most of the big name empires, as well as nearly all of the Hellenic states fell into a state of decline if not outright collapse. Theres a good reason why rome was able to expand so quickly, they were the first major power to rise to military supremacy after the collapse, and everyone who didnt jump on the wagon learned the hard way of what sitting on your ass does for empire. I think the funniest thing about the whole thing is that noone knows for sure who the Sea People even were. The only records of them that survive is that of the Egyptians, who barely beat them.
One thing of interest is that the Sea People werent just armies of raiders, they were an entire population, with women and children and ships full of supplies. So where the fuck did they come from?
Snake_Tiddies Snake_Tiddies
12 may
Alright boys, sit down and shut your yapholes, papas gonna rant at you for a few minutes. Today I want to teach you Philistines about one of the worst events in recorded human history, the Bronze Age Collapse. Invasions and migrations c. 1200 BC Destroyed city Mycenaean Greece sutjected Memphis First things first, holy fuck was this span of about a hundred and fifty years violent. In less than two centuries most of the great empires of the Bronze Age got snuffed. And not in the roman-style "we fell but not really Imao". Im talking about a thousand years of culture, knowledge, and economic strength gone like a shit down the shower drain. Multiple times over. So how the fuck did it get so bad so quickly? Well ill tell you how. Goddamn Chaos worshippers. Yeah thats right, the Sea Peoples. I want you to picture something here. Its been an era of unprecedented prosperity, in the last century there have been a grand total of *two* major of which might just be a myth Imao) in an area so chock-full of hegemonic imperialist cultures it might as well be a Stellaris game. You know how to read, your family does, even though youre some goat farmer in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Your goats however, get sold across the sea for a hefty chunk of change and you are well fed and healthy for a pre- industrial peasant. And then these fuckheads crash the party Enter the Sea Peoples, a band of ruffians and miscreants who did a little bit of trolling on roughly half of the mediteranean's cultures. Im not shitting you they turned everything in straight line from Greece to Gaza into a pile of smoking rubble. Want to know why so many iron-age nations in the middle east with access to the ocean decided to park their capital cities in the middle of the fucking desert? Its because the Sea Peoples (and a few other invading groups) made them scared to go near the ocean anymore. The destruction of so many major cities by what ammounts to one hell of a frat kegger led to not only a collapse of the lifeblood trade of the Aegean/ Mediterranean, but most of the empires who relied on it to keep their economies afloat. Throw in not only the other major population by other groups like the Libyans or Phyrigians, a bunch of inconvenient droughts and plauges following right after the Sea Peoples (note how the sickness follows the invaders from a different area) and general loss of culture and youve got a entire Dark Age going off in the Mediteranean. In fact, want to know why iron became popular in the first place? Why it would rise to be the main metal of choice throughout the remainder of human history? ts a simple matter of logistics really. You see. Iron, particularly early iron, was a really, really shitty metal. It was common yes but hard to mine, and worst of all, You needed a ridiculous ammount of heat to smelt the stuff, the kind only found in very expensive furnaces and kilns. On top of this, it wasnt even worth the hassle as anything other than a bauble or decorative piece. Bronze on the other hand is an alloy of copper and tin, the latter being very rare, yes, but is a superior metal. Early cast iron's only real benefit over bronze was that it was more flexible, making a tool break less likely, but it was also a softer metal. There are several legends during the bronze age of Assyrian bronze being able to easily punch through Hittite leather and iron armor while the Assyrians with their all bronze gettups were far harder to poke holes in. Bronzes big downside, is that it is a logistics! nightmare compared to iron. To make bronze, you need copper and tin, the two of which rarely can be mined in the same area. You then need to transport these two ores god knows how many miles to be refined. Then you have your bronze alloy, great, but now you need to ship it off once again, following more supply lines and trade routes that have to be protected. Trade routes that we must remember, no longer fucking exist. Iron you can refine, mine, and smelt in a single location as you dont need anything to alloy it to to make it strong enough to not break your tool or weapon after the first few swings. On the upside, as the Iron Age progressed, so to did the ability of smiths and refiners to make better and better iron with less malformities. Eventually iron leads to steel, which is our modern magic metal abel has been for nearly 500 years, In conclusion, the utter clusterfuck of the last century of the Bronze Age led to not only one of, if not the worst catastrophes in Human history. Most of the big name empires, as well as nearly all of the Hellenic states fell into a state of decline if not outright collapse. Theres a good reason why rome was able to expand so quickly, they were the first major power to rise to military supremacy after the collapse, and everyone who didnt jump on the wagon learned the hard way of what sitting on your ass does for empire. I think the funniest thing about the whole thing is that noone knows for sure who the Sea People even were. The only records of them that survive is that of the Egyptians, who barely beat them. One thing of interest is that the Sea People werent just armies of raiders, they were an entire population, with women and children and ships full of supplies. So where the fuck did they come from?