• What is the dumbest way you've
ever injured yourself?
One time I tried to fart while playing online poker really
late while my girlfriend was asleep. About half of the
fart came out before I realized more was on its way out
too. I caught that before it was too late and jumped up
and started to run to the bathroom. I had headphones
on and yanked my head to the left and pulled my tower
over as I kicked a 25 lb weight on the floor, broke my
toe and then shit all over myself.
This one made me laugh out loud, sounds like total
shit show
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    • Built a trebuchet one time about 8 ft tall launched a watermelon, it landed on my head and got a concussion
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    • Stuck a popcorn kernel in my ear and was too afraid to tell my mom so it was in there for a few months. Then we went swimming one day and water got in the same ear and made the kernel expand. I had to go into surgery to get it out.
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    • Was in middle school got excited for pizza day at lunch ran out of class at top speed and slammed right into a girl got a concussion spat out 4 brackets and blood and fucked my jaw and the girl walked away with a bruise on her knee. Didn’t even get any pizza
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    • Accidentally cut my hand with a plastic knife while attempting to demonstrate that plastic knives can't cut anything
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    • I was sitting on a basketball after practice one day and my buddy kicked the ball under me and it ripped my anus open and I needed 5 stitches
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    • I was like 4 or 5 years old but I jumped from the top step all the way down to the bottom step and broke my ankle but atleast I got a achievement out of it
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    • I won a fight once in middle school, then promptly fell down a flight of stairs
      Bleefador 21 may
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    • I was on my way up stairs after stuffing my face at 3 am. I was trying to go up the stairs in the dark and thought there was another step, I stepped onto the air and slammed my head into a mirror.
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    • Drop kicked Arnold Schwarzenegger and broke my leg 😪
      edinahuy 21 may
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    • I was in a race and I turned to look back and smirk cause I was winning, and when I turned back I slammed into a soccer goal and had to get 6 stitches.
      ZephieI 21 may
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    • when i was a kid i had the genius idea to make a loose tooth come out by opening a water bottle with my mouth. ended up breaking a tooth that wasn't even loose, nor was it a baby tooth. still have a crack in that tooth to this day
      Coccyx 21 may
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    • I actually believe she loved me
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    • I once had a rock in my shoe. It made me so angry, I ate the slide off of the playground in a single bite.
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    • My cousin is a paramedic and he told me he got a call that this guy fell down the stairs with a microwave on his head
      IIlIlIlIl 21 may
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    • I was jacking off so hard one time I pulled a back muscle really bad. It made me flinch from the pain and I fell off the toilet sideways. My arm got caught on the sink and ended up popping it out of place, tearing my labrum, and hit my chin which chipped my front tooth.
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    • I wanted love and companionship so I entered into a relationship with a female
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    • Was opening a stuck, snap back lid to a soup can. Took me by surprise when it just popped off and I threw my hand forward to try and get my balance back. Sliced my finger open on the lid. (The cut goes vertically down my pinky finger)
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    • It’s not my injury but great nonetheless, 4th grade had a parade and this kid went out to get a piece of candy and got hit by the fire truck. No more candy at parades because Flappy got ran over by the fire truck.
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    • Decided to go to college instead of just learning a trade.
      Jamiface1 21 may
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    • I was masturbating in the shower and I came so hard i slipped and cut open my finger
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    • I ran up the steps in my house and missed the last step by an inch. Smashed big toe on lip of step and went rolling on the ground. Broke toe. 8 months later, ran up the same steps. smashed same big toe on the same last step. Went rolling in pain. Broke toe again.
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    • I was working at McDonald's, putting nuggets into the fry basket which has slots so you don't have nuggets stuck together being served undercooked, so you have to go through and separate the ones that are frozen together by hand. I was prying two apart, when a frozen edge on one literally
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    • Can someone make a comic of this
      AAAAHHHH 21 may
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    • i was in choir as a child and we were doing a christmas show. i really had to pee but i couldn't just get off the stage midperformance so i tried to hold it and not draw any attention. when my part came (each kid had a one line part in a certain song) i went dead silent and pissed myself on stage
      makomck 21 may
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    • I was unscrewing the bolt on my balcony while leaning on the fence for no reason other than i was bored. So when the bolt got to a certain point the fence broke, i fell 2 stories and landed on grass and came out of it with a broken wrist.
      J_Mystery 21 may
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    • I jerked off for so long my legs fell asleep. Went to stand up and sprained my wrist
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    • I was participating in a mosh pit and a fat kid was in the middle he got pushed so hard into me i had to brace my elbow against the wall, he bent my wrist backward breaking my growth plate and then he fell ontop of me
      sinnermin 21 may
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    • I once broke my nose with a bowling ball. I was laying in my bed tossing it up and down above my face and it slipped.
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    • One time I got a bunch of that novelty hot sauce on my hands and wiped it off with a paper towel rather than wash with soap and water. I proceeded to jack off to some porn upstairs and as you may have guessed, my screams began to fill the house.
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    • I accidentally killed myself last summer
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    • Riding my bike turned around for a sec looked back and went face first into the back of a van. Slit my chin on the exhaust pipe luckily I had a helmet I would’ve died
      Fakeen60 21 may
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    • I tried to catch a frisbee that my crush threw but it wasn’t even coming towards me and I ran into a light pole so hard that my toenail dug into my toe and I used antibiotics for months afterwards
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    • I put my hand in a running lawn mower... went about as well as u would expect
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    • I'm in love with a girl that doesn't feel the same way but we are "best freinds"
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    • Reddit moment
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    • I cut the back bend of my knee and my Achilles tendon by taking out the trash. There was a piece of glass sticking out...
      Otterdahl 21 may
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    • I once tried to jump into my chair at school ended up flipping the table and falling under it table smashed my hand and broke 3 fingers.
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    • I fell in Love
      spiko272 21 may
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    • Last year I was climbing a tree to get something stuck in the branches. Normally I’m a very good climber but this time I lost my grip, hugged the tree, and slid down that mf like a really clumsy stripper. Completely skinned my inner bicep and my sternum. I was 23.
      Mythbuff 21 may
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    • Broke my ankle putting on pants
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    • I tightened a vice clamp to my manboob and ran outside to show my mom, then the clamp fell on my toe and broke it and stained the back patio with blood
      EddxBoi 21 may
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    • One time, I was born and it’s all hurt pretty bad since then
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    • I think the dumbest shit I have a scar from is one of those cheap dog leads that you tie to a tree or fence was wrapped around my leg, and since it was the Fourth of July the fireworks scared my cousins dog and it ran full force really quickly, and tore into the flesh of my leg
      Himiko 21 may
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    • I once tried to slingshot a hotdog at my sister and it came back and hit me in the throat
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    • I coughed and farted at the same time which threw my back out
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    • I was racing up the stairs on all fours when one of my fingers landed wrong so my arm gave out. I fell on my left nut, then proceeded to roll down the steps.
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    • I dropkicked Arnold
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    • Tried to open the door when I had just woken up, it was locked. I moved... Not the door, pulled my head into it, fell backwards and smashed my head into a cast iron radiator and woke up the next morning in a pool of my own blood
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    • Saw my long distance boyfriend at the airport and I tripped over my suitcase while trying to run up to him dramatically and I face planted instead. Pretty embarrassing tbh
      WetMop 22 may
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    • I tried walking back to my room in the dark with hot ramen filled to the brim of the bowl, ran into the wall bowl first and gave myself 1st degree burns on my hands and feet
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    • The dogs having a seizure and I've still got half a pie left.
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    • I was watching tv one day when I was younger and my brother took the remote from me so I was chasing him around the couch trying to get it and my toe got caught on the trim at the end of the wall and it got pulled all the way back and split open that was really painful..
      2bnines 21 may
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    • one time when i was like 14 i broke my arm after crashing a golf cart into the side of my house
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    • Broke my leg because we put soupy water on a trampoline and someone landed directly on my leg
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    • Reaggravated my already hurt arm by throwing a burger at work bc I got pissed off
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    • I was 9. Quietly laying on the floor coloring. My brother was in the top bunk and yelled, heads up! And kicked the ladder as hard as he could. It landed on my head and arm. Had to get 5 stitches in my head and it broke my wrist. He still laughs about it. Me, not so much
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    • Shot myself in the face with a rock using a three man water balloon slingshot
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    • I was riding my friends sketchy 4-wheeled scooter and it hit a tiny rock which locked up the breaks and launched me off. I broke my arm in 2 places and what’s funny my mom said I was being over dramatic and wouldn’t take me to the Dr
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    • One time I watched a shelving unit slowly collapsing, and I just stood there. It eventually fell down on my foot with immense pain and I simply watched it happen.
      StingRay_ 21 may
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    • When I was in first grade I put my finger into one of those automatic pencil sharpeners.
      Tazmeaty 21 may
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    • My dumbest recent injury was when I stupidly wore sneakers for months at my job and ended up getting distracted and rolling a pallet jack with a couple hundred pounds on it right over my foot. Luckily I only lost a toenail, but I was walking around all day with a bloody sock
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    • In second grade I pretended to be a cat on the school bus and fell off the seat when the bus stopped. Three stitches in my left eyebrow. My eyebrows are visibly lopsided when they're not plucked/waxed to look the same
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    • I was in 3rd grade, for some reason my teacher was super strict and assigned lots of homework, I was up really late until I finished it. I was so happy I finished that I started spinning around with my fists in the air. My right fist when straight through the window on my back door.
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    • I saw a glass bottle on the floor, so I decided to stomp on it thinking nothing would happen to me because I was wearing shoes. Boy was I wrong, a bunch of glass went through my shoe and deep into my foot needed surgery to stitch it up
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    • I was in kindergarten and on something that was equivalent to monkey bars. I was walking on the top of them, slipped and fell just right where the bar hit me between the legs. My parents took me to the emergency and I was bleeding down there and the doctor thought I was being abused. I'm a girl btw
      lahiayn24 21 may
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    • I sneezed and cracked 2 ribs and pulled multiple muscles in my side.
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    • Hurt my back trying to suck my own dick
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    • I pace. Sometimes I run-pace. Indoors, bouncing around the room like a maniac. When I was a teenager, my parents had a treadmill in the family room. During my pace-running, I jumped from the treadmill, landed just shy of the couch on the opposite wall. My foot hit the ground crooked; sprained ankle
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    • Y’all saying some weak shit compared to that dude who broke his dick doing doggy style
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    • One time I sat on the toilet for too long while on my phone. I stood up not realizing that both my legs had fallen asleep. I fell into the bathtub, taking the shower curtain with me. The rod hit my head and I fractured my elbow on the tub.
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    • Jumped out of a friends treehouse after watching Mary Poppins thinking I could fly and slammed onto the monkey bars. I broke nothing but was very bruised.
      CobaltBox 21 may
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    • When i was little I saw a ton of like older movies where people shot them selfs in the head ww2 movies so I tried to do that with an airsoft pistol lol.... ouch.
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    • I killed myself this one time. Didn’t actually hurt that much. Might do it again
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    • I listened to sad music when I got dumped.
      le_lo 21 may
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    • I slept in on a snow day. Rolled over and fell off the top bunk. From sleeping peacefully to broken fucking arm instantly.
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    • I broke 3 ribs playing the most dangerous survival game in existence- Duck Duck Goose with a circle of kindergarteners... .. .
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    • Was at a graduation party and I was like out on the second floor balcony (along with 20 other kids) the balcony collapsed due to all the weight and we all fell a good 15ft. My hip ended up getting angled up and I couldn’t sit or lay straight for a few weeks. Chiropractor popped it back into place.
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    • Went to the hospital after scratching my eye by flicking a piece of dirt off of my foot. They used lidocaine to numb my eye before using a dye to see the scratch. It felt so good having the eye numb that I took the single use bottle of what was left after the dr had left the room. So now I’m back at
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    • Im so clumsy i have so many. I’ve given myself a black eye pulling up my blankets in bed, I near broke my wrist in taekwondo trying to break a board and simply not following through, I broke a toe because it got caught in a hole in my pants, I’ve broken my nose not once but twice with basketballs
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    • I touched a hot grill in order to see if I could. It was hot. I got burned. Do not touch the hot grill.
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    • Was sick and coughed too hard and dislocated my floating rib. Also broke a knuckle at an old job while cutting a pizza (I honestly have no idea how that even happened but boy was I in shock at the stupidity of it for a hot minute)
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    • Rode my bike into a tree because I thought leaves were soft
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    • dug straight down tryna get more cobblestone for my house
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    • Tore my peel from wanking too fast
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    • I wanted to show my little brother that I can light one of my hairs on fire, so I put one strand over the candle and then half my hair caught on fire. My mom rushed me to the bathroom and put my head under the sink and asked why I did that. I didn’t wanna get in trouble so I said I was gonna give-
      KuchiKopi 22 may
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    • Sadest part was that he was playing online poker in the middle of the night
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    • I was playing flag football and I went to chestbump someone after I scored a touchdown and he was like 1 foot taller than me and his tooth hit my forehead and got stuck in there. Had to get stitches
      ZYLON42 22 may
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    • One time I placed lava on the surface of my Minecraft world and my wolf got too close
      Zelink 22 may
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    • Got super drunk and then texted my crush at 2am telling her I really liked her and that I thought she was awesome and all that. Woke up the next day to a text saying she would rather be friends...that injured my heart
      3 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • I tried to do one of those Liu Kang flying kicks and landed funny and tore my acl
      APComet 21 may
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    • Stubbed my wall on a toe
      Pogo 21 may
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    • I ran into a lit fireplace doing cartwheels. Burned a few fingers and huge gash on my head.
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    • Played four-square, head partially exploded.
      RazorHood 21 may
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    • I broke my toes jumping
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    • My friend backhanded a stick into the corner of my eye and then I ran into a tree causing the stick to slice down my face
      Macood 21 may
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    • Ok so this didn't happen to me but to one of my friends who decided to be a total dumbass and get on top of this bee colony thing and jump on it to fuck with the bees and all of a sudden a swarm came out and started attacking the shit out of him while he proceeded to Sprint away as fast as he could
      BAMF_Mgee 21 may
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    • I was outside on a very windy day and one of those big metal table umbrellas fell from the sky and knocked me out
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    • I was swinging a yo-yo around and it hit me in the balls
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