• *bites into a bagel from this place*
*it clips through my mouth directly into my brain,
killing me instantly*
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  • 539 comments

    • They asks for community help and now you can fuck a bagel with massive tits
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    • Can't eat the fucking bagel because it's stuck in the table
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    • Modders have to finish creating the bagel
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    • "It just works"
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    • Skrunky 1 jul
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    • The cashier sells crack on the side (not a fallout reference)
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    • Bethesda bagel charges me an additional 10$ for eating the bagel
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    • You try to spread cream cheese and end up stabbing the person next to you with a butter knife
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    • Bites bagel, bagel t-poses.
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    • Bethesda bagels are delicious I had them last week
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    • 208 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • The bagel isn’t even made out of bread it’s made out of nylon which is not what people paid for
      Tranquin 2 jul
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    • Go to pick it up. Gravity physics turn off, hurl it into the ceiling fan
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    • The church of Todd Howard
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    • Hey! I made bagels for the first time this past weekend! They turned out like shit.
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    • *bites down on bagel* *100 overlapping collision sounds as bagel vibrates* *Mouth fills with sand and dust particles*
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    • Niggas forget there is a whole city names Bethesda
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    • 48 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • *wake up on a cart with a thief and two stormcloaks*
      Spunder 2 jul
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    • Wait until they learn about Bethesda MD
      Reals 1 jul
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    • *Crouches in shadowy corner behind cashier* *reads magazine about being sneaky* *sh0ots every customer in the building* *stores 96 bagels and $300 cash in back pocket* *picks up random piece of trash on the floor, causing every person within 3 miles to pull out an assault rifle and open fire on me*
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    • But you know that it’s always packed
      Oshawatt 1 jul
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    • If you put a bucket on the cashiers head, turns out you can actually get a free bagel!
      DH5656 2 jul
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    • Todd Howard strikes again
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    • If I reach past the trash can, I can open the chest that is the waiter’s inventory and get the bagel for free.
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    • Isn’t there a place called Bethesda in Maryland?
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    • Lmao I live like 5 min from here MD represent
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    • Naked bagel mod is awesome
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    • It’s funny bc Bethesda is based in Rockville md, like an hour or so from me. Bethesda MD is literally right next to rockville
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    • They take beloved bagel recipes and destroy them.
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    • i'd still go
      Seasonal 2 jul
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    • You bite the bagel and see the part you bit off on the table in front of you. You try again and swallow it, this time the price comes back up into your mouth. One last time. You eat the whole bagel, no problem, you go home. 4 hours later you have to poop. You go to the bathroom only to see 1/2
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    • That’ll be 60 dollars
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    • The cop told me to stop and that I violated the law and now I gotta pay with my blood 😔
      Arousal 3 jul
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    • Me: *buys a bagel* good proof of concept but hardly a finished product. Bethesda: let me see that ohh that’s the problem you need to buy it twice.
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    • Help I’m stuck in the old feature set
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    • Pro tip: Don’t let me catch you off guard or I’ll shatter your knee caps.
      Braith 2 jul
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    • Then all the items within a few feet of you flip out as your body contorts and goes flying.
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    • God I wish that were me
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    • Let me guess. Bethesda, Maryland?
      SirWulfe 1 jul
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    • Screams god damn it for 4 hours straight
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    • You look at the front case of bagels to make a choice and the cashier lectures you about how you look like you want to steal something
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    • Hand touches bagel, bad hit boxes, cut hand on the square hitbox of the round bagel
      N8rtots 2 jul
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    • I’ll take your entire stock
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    • Iva actually been to Bethesda Bagels before it was pretty good
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    • Bethesda is a suburb of Washington DC
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    • All you need to do to fix this is buy a $200 members pass.
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    • Sign up for the Schmeer subscription only $100 a year and it totally sometimes works
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    • They give you half a bagel then charge you for the other half AFTER you've already gotten the first half
      rumncoke 4 jul
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    • There’s a hidden chest underneath the bathroom floor. It contains all of the ingredients and utensils
      Sealake 4 jul
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    • Cream cheese is a dlc for 60
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    • "You have committed treason against Skyrim and her people, what say you in your defense?"
      Dmonster 4 jul
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    • Let me guess, someone stole your bagel.
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    • *bites bagel* *wakes up on a prison cart going to helgen* "wait your still alive"
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    • And then you wake in Skyrim
      IymWet 4 jul
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    • *Takes a Bite of The Bagel* *Game Crashes* *Noclips through floor*
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    • *bites bagel* *legendary ancient dragon spawns*
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    • Its gonna have 17 different platform releases
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    • People do know that Bethesda is a place, right?
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    • I got a glitch in Skyrim that doesn’t let me move. I just run and jump in place. Tried whirlwind sprint, loading old saves, fast traveling, nothing. And it’s on Switch, so I can’t even use console commands to fix Bethesda’s shitty fucking code. Fuck you, Todd.
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    • *bites into bagel* *gets radiation poisoning*
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    • You all realize Bethesda is Bethesda because they're located in a town called Bethesda?
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    • Actually, this bagel shop is located in Bethesda Maryland, right outside D.C. a town that has been around much longer than shitty gaming company
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    • Then wakes up in a prison
      leviel12 4 jul
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    • Bugs bugs and more bugs
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    • When you eat it you are transported to the common wealth in t45 f power armor
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    • Ya open the door without clipping through it and all ya hear is "STOP, YOUVE VIOLATED THE LAW!"
      RichyDP 3 jul
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    • The bagel I ordered takes 6 hours then I end up outside from the service crashing.
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    • Bethesda, NC.
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    • it’s time to shit on bethesda
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    • You need a membership to eat it
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    • I bought my food but can only look at it
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    • I live near there
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    • I’ve been there, their bagels aren’t bad. You can buy day old bagels for a dollar I think
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    • Ngl Bethesda bagels are actually amazing tho
      ACEDT 3 jul
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    • You ask for an everything bagel and you get a lump of unbaked dough
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    • Cashier is clipped into the counter and will not talk
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    • Try to eat the bagel but steal the plate it's sitting on instead
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    • That's sounds more like valve than Bathesda.
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    • Wheres the downside?
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    • I was wondering where they were gonna go with this joke and was like "oh they went with glitches, eh"
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    • Hot take, I prefer fallout 3 and 4 over any other fallout. I absolutely loathe new Vegas as the bandwagon child of the series.
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    • We all talk smack on it but deep down will miss it if it was completely gone
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    • Or you take a bite and find out its a 9 year old bagel
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    • Bruh I'm watching an episode of criminal minds where it takes place in Bethesda, Maryland rn
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    • Can you get CBBE for the bagels?
      xlvi 3 jul
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    • Have you heard of the high elves?
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    • "Did someone steal your bagel?"
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    • There is a church of Bethesda in Wisconsin.
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    • First bagel restaurant where you have to bring the toaster
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    • I just realized I’ve been pronouncing Bethesda wrong this entire time. I’ve been say besada in my head forever.
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    • They cook new ones aka a patch and they're even worse
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    • Phenomenal quality service
      Batmane 3 jul
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    • Bet that’s where the chair is from
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    • If you can slip a bucket over the cashier's head, the bagel is free
      Iceheart 3 jul
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    • Amazing
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    • Bethesda isn’t just the company their main location is in Bethesda Maryland.
      Roop 3 jul
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    • There is a Bethesda church in Prior Lake, MN. Pretty sure it’s a cult for the gaming gods
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    • I thought it was Gym
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