• What stopped you from killing yourself i called the suicide emergency hotline and NO ONE picked
up. i thought it was so ironic and hilarious that it made me
laugh and laugh and temporarily not think of suicide.
The Suicide hotline Windows XP
y Task failed successfully.
    • EmailPinterestRedditTumblr Report
    • Copy link
    • Pinterest
  • 2221 comments

    • This is why we need to stop treating suicidal people like animals who need to be forever pampered it patronizes them trust me it only makes them feel worse
      1K Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I reached out to the person closest to me. They didn't care. That's when I realized that I didn't want to give anyone the brief sympathy people give to those closest to the dead. Spite got me to where I am today. And I've never been happier
      976 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Friend I had a crush on since freshman year. I told myself I would never get to see her smile or make her laugh again if I was gone. Senior year is over and we've been dating since February.
      Jorge052 8 jul
      976 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • The Gun jammed when I pulled the trigger. Glad to still be here, have been feeling better. To anyone who has ever felt like doing it don’t
      983 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I was gonna let a semi tbone me until I looked down and saw the rubber duck my ex gave me to always keep me safe
      674 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I tried to sh00t myself in the head but forgot to take the safety off. Took it as a sign I had something important to do with my life
      645 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I tried to suicide but I stopped at the last minute. I am never doing that shit again I almost died.
      Yatsuto 9 jul
      615 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My cat. I was so worried about what was going to happen to her if I did die and I got so emotional so I cried out for help. She's still my reason to live
      531 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I stopped because of spite, I wasn't a lil bitch and life can kiss my fat ass!
      460 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I was too depressed and miserable to even stand up and grab the sleeping pills. Then I got hungry took a 35minute shower got food and watched a new anime. My university emailed us and told us to leave cuz of COVID and so now I’m back home with my family and doing good
      455 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I was going to k*ll myself, but I realized I love cumming and that saved me. Haven’t stopped cumming since
      453 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I thought my family hated me. I had serious thought about the idea of suicide. During this time we adopted a cat from a local shelter. The cat hated everyone in my house except me. I realized I couldn’t leave him alone. We had to be here for eachother. 11 years later now, Socks and I are doing good
      424 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Had a belt around my neck in my garage. Was stepping off the ladder when something cold ran over me and made me suddenly catch myself before I let go. Went inside and just sat in silence for an hour after. Life is worth it when you actively work to fix it I promise everyone. Stay here with us please
      412 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • The hotline lady picked up with a fucking attitude
      392 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • tried to hang myself but the belt broke and i hit the ground instead. took it as a sign i need to lose weight and invest in stronger belts. actually glad i’m still alive today though
      390 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I called a few of my friends to say goodbye while I started popping pills. One of the guys noticed something was wrong and he told the group and they invited me to a group call where they spent hours talking me out of taking the meds and comforting me. One of the guys stayed and talked (1/2)
      347 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I thought about how devastated my mom would be, and my animals wouldn’t know where I went. I’m glad I didn’t do it cause a year later I met a girl whose made me so happy, I don’t even think bad things anymore. She’s the bestest friend I could ever ask for.
      300 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Once my friend was close to committing suicide and he refused to get help so I contacted the hotline to ask them what I should do and they just sent me pamphlets about coping with the loss of a friend like MOTHERFUCKERS HE AIN'T DEAD YET
      281 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I didn’t cut deep enough into my wrists, biceps, or neck each time I tried, I’m sure glad I’m here though. It gets better, I met the love of my life and I’m pursuing a degree in the field I love.
      Iitty 9 jul
      260 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My ability to tank a 5th if vodka and a bottle of sleeping pills at a whopping 105 pounds, didnt even wake up with a hangover. That convinced me I cant die so suicide is fruitless.
      241 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • i had a belt around my neck as a makeshift noose, and just as I was going to tighten it and hang myself in my bedroom my cat walked in and stared at me for what felt like forever. realizing i was the only one who cared about her made me take it off
      SnuWolf 9 jul
      204 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My teacher tried to get me suspended for something I didn't do. I was taken into the guidance counselors office so they could find out what was going on. I was starting to get emotional so they started asking ”other” questions which ended in them finding out I had suicidal thoughts so I left school-
      ImMineta 9 jul
      195 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I watched Minecraft videos on YouTube and it made me happy.
      190 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My best friend at the time saved my life unknowingly just by listening to me and giving me the time of day when I had no one else. He gave me hope when I had none. He ended up being kiIIed in a hit and run a year after we had met, and I never got to thank him for saving my life.
      189 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Put the bullet in a chamber and i guess i accidentally rotated the cylinder when i closed it, pulled the trigger, nothing happened, saved myself by sheer incompetence
      155 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I had a knife to my arm and started crying out of desperation as I realized that not only would this not solve my issue, but also would cause my grandparents and my best friend untold amounts of grief, so I couldnt do it
      155 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I had a friend do it by taking pills and he immediately regretted it and called up his best friend crying as he oded. Made me realize nobody truly wants to die we just wanna stop being sad
      148 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I set a date, then it was 3 days before that date so I went outside to figure out how I was going to tie the rope, my dog heard the door so she ran and found me and was so happy to see me i decided to live for her
      148 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Wow there is alot of suicidal people on this app
      144 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Gun to the head, spent 20 minutes at 4 in the morning in my garage building up the courage to do it. Went to finally go pull the trigger while I screamed at the same time until I realized that I was so caught up with doing it that my dumbass forgot to turn the safety off, (1/2)
      137 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Just thinking about how I was gonna prove to everyone that i could actually make something better of myself.
      Lampcap 9 jul
      136 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Nothing, I attempted and succeeded. I was brought back to life (was only gone for a few minutes) and have permanent brain damage (I have amnesia and difficulty learning)
      134 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Had a gun in my mouth and felt someone touch my shoulders, reckon it was my grandma cause she died not to long before
      114 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I tried toaster bath but i forgot to plug in the toaster
      109 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I live purely out of spite and intend to live forever.
      Empress 9 jul
      114 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I called the hotline but had such severe phone anxiety that I couldn’t actually talk to the person so basically my fear of speaking to people outweighed me wanting to die
      105 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My friend told me I saved her life when I invited her over to my house to watch the clone wars series finale on May 4th. She said if I had texted her an hour later she’d be dead. I love her like a little sister.
      99 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • sharkgrinder dude what is wrong with you, you're in the comments and just replying to multiple people sharing their story and just being a dick, fuck off dude. You aren't cool because "oh I'm so edgy I encourage people to die, look at me" you just want attention, fuck off
      100 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I wanna share my story and Ifunny keeps saying it's spam. Fuck this app
      95 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I was gonna tell my story but iFunny said it was a spam comment. Fuck this app dude.
      ninjajax 10 jul
      87 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • That is LITERALLY what happened to me except i got put on hold
      Jungler 9 jul
      80 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
      ShyFox96 8 jul
      81 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My dad cares so damn much about me and loves me so much I worry what he would do to himself if I offed myself. I’ll live through this shit so he doesn’t have too
      77 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My brother made me promise and I am not one to break promises but then my family dog became souly my dog and I promised him I'd be there to see his last breath. I saw his last breath a year ago and this year I made the same promise yo my new dog and I'm working for Hiccup to make my life better. 1/2
      77 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • christ, usually everyone in the comment section is an expert in every field but in reality, everyone just tries to die
      74 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My dog really helped me when I was at my lowest point. I got hurt real bad at work and was out for almost a year. I couldn't do anything besides sit at home and be by myself while my girlfriend (now wife) was working. We decided to get a puppy. Fast forward half a year, I wanted to end it all....
      70 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Didnt wanna leave a mess for someone else to clean up
      53 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • This 2nd suicidal awareness meme I’ve seen. And honestly It’s come into my life at the right time
      45 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Hey guys, I’ve been really sad lately and I’ve been actually making some of the best friends on IFunny. Help a girl out?
      41 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Honestly? Because I’m too afraid of the feeling of death itself to cross that barrier, I used to think about suicide a lot, and did try once when I was 15. But a year or so after that I had a dream about getting hit by a car, and rather than wake up I was stuck in nothingness for a while.
      26 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I almost accidentally deaded myself 3 days before Christmas and I didnt get to go to the family Christmas party
      coooter 9 jul
      23 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I tried to commit suicide once and i almost fucking died. Aint doing that shit again tbh
      19 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Mainly spite. My mom passed away when I was 14. My dad hated me so of course he was pissed to be stuck with me. Why he didn’t just put me up for adoption idk. But he’d punish me when I showed signs of mourning for my mom. The only time I was allowed out of my room was when I ate, went to...
      ShyFox96 8 jul
      16 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Its heartbreaking to see how many people have been or are suicidal here. Idk y'all, and tho we probably would disagree with our views, I love you all, because we are the same race, live on the same earth, and breathe the same air. Dont give up, my brothers. You WILL find happiness.
      15 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Not me, but my mom looked up how to make it look like an accident on google and the number came up which made her snap out of it.
      15 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I took as many Benadryl as I could before it started to hurt and I was crying in the bathtub when my cat started screaming on the other side of the door and I got angry cause I thought he just needed to shit and his liters in the bathroom but when I opened the door he bapped at me and purred a-
      sappinko 10 jul
      14 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • When they answered they told me their shift was almost over lmao
      14 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • When I was about 14, I was suicidal to the point where I was standing in on step ladder with a noose around my neck. I’m embarrassed to say that I actually stepped forward. And as cliche as it sounds, as I steeped off, a million thoughts went through my head and my life flashed before my eyes.(1/2)
      14 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • The rope snapped. (I'm in a much better place now)
      14 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • i dont want people acting like they were there for me when they weren’t.
      13 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I just don’t feel happy anymore. All I feel is what’s between sad and happy. I have my bad days but my gf helps. I use to drink to forgot I still get urges tho. Nothing really helps anymore. I don’t have the energy to live
      2105 9 jul
      13 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I realized that while my life may not have any value to me, it can have value to others, so I started volunteering and working as a caregiver, helping those who can’t help themselves anymore. It’s been six years. That philosophy saved my life, and it’s saved four others I’ve told the full story to.
      13 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I'm not sure if anyone will even see this. I guess I just need to get it out. My wife and I are about to have a kid, she'll be my first child. I just got fired because I had to leave work every day to pick her up, because I was NOT going to make her walk home. I'm stressing really badly now.
      12 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • All these comments got me in my feels man
      12 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • my dad was sittin on his bed with a gun in his mouth when he heard his buddy who lived 2 hours away knock on his window, he just felt like comin over and because he did my dads still alive all these years later
      11 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I feel like all my friends are drifting away and don’t care about me anymore. Even the closest friends I’ve had. Ive never had a real job and I’m afraid to get one. I stay up all night and sleep until 2-4 pm. Nothing I used to enjoy makes me happy anymore either. I feel it’d be better if went into-
      927383 9 jul
      11 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My friend called me right before I fully commit
      11 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • the thought of my best friend. the friend that attempted suicide and succeeded. I imagined myself in the same position as she was when she committed it. I imagined how she would feel if our positions were switched, how everyone who loved and cared about me felt, and how she would feel like she-
      Moook 10 jul
      10 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My mom. She called me out of the blue to tell me she loved me.
      10 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I tried to eat rat poison but my dog ate it first
      11 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Bernard_ 9 jul
      11 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • This has to be fake
      10 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • A call a stupid fucking call from my ex best friend right before I passed out from strangulation. We talked for hours and hours and she never knew.
      Dekai 9 jul
      10 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I thought of my little brother finding me and that saved me.
      travmadd 8 jul
      10 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I actually ended up passing out (and I think almost dying) after hanging myself in my closet while my parents and siblings were at work and school. I felt nothing, and I couldn’t even comprehend that I felt nothing. Time felt instant and by some miracle I woke up on the floor with a broken (1/2)
      9 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • The rope broke bc im fat
      9 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I was sad and I tried to reach out to a friend, but she chose not to help. I had a shotgun pointed into my mouth and I just imagined Dante’s Inferno describing how suicides go to the 6th circle of hell.
      9 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • When i found out my dad was gonna get back with my abusive step mom, I basically cried hard as shit and drunk about 2 whole bottles of liquor. One was whisky and one was vodka. I remember reaching for a third bottle but everything blacked out and I woke up in the ER with my mom and sister (1/2)
      Mr_Monkey 10 jul
      9 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I don’t want my debt transferred to my family
      The_FSM 9 jul
      8 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I think about how no one is going to take care of my tortoise if I’m not around.
      8 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I need to finish one piece first
      8 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • ryanshort1309 fuck you complaining about there being 4 comments because I just made it five motherfucker
      8 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • To everyone here that had to reconsider or something went wrong, you were meant to live and we’re all happy you’re still here. Anyone considering, you matter, you’re loved, and your existence is a good fucking thing. Please stay, we’re all put here for a reason
      7 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • zerosober 10 jul
      7 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I had a bet, kind of. I'd play one round of Russian roulette. If i didn't make it, eh. If i did make it, I'd put those thoughts behind me
      7 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • basically just powered through it and ate away my worries and ended up getting fat and now i hate myself more buuuut i don’t feel as depressed or suicidal so it’s a win
      Areno127 9 jul
      7 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I took a bunch of different pills from my parents medical cabinet as their older so i hoped id find two which didn't mix well and that would end me. Woke hp the next morning. Took it as a sign.
      7 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Getting help, I thought I wasnt crazy and I wanted to deny it so much but I also wanted to die so counseling literally saved my life now every time I am feeling just awful I talk with a friend, it helps more than anything knowing that someone is listening, getting it off your chest will feel good
      7 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • honestly my anorexia and bulimia. i don’t want to be in a casket until i look as skinny as my body will let me. and my cats, i don’t want them to miss me, they don’t deserve it.
      oche 9 jul
      9 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • They Ended Up Being Blanks
      Cp_Rooks 10 jul
      6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Realized literally as soon as I swallowed the pills that my "mom" would milk my death for all she could so I forced it back up and call the ambulance myself. She milked the attempt of course too until people started talking to ME instead of her and I told them why
      6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I was about to slit my wrists, but then i thought of (I know, SUPER fuckimg trivial) a yugioh deck idea i wanted to try first, i took it to locals and all my buddies were there. It reminded me that there are people that care even when it feels like there isnt.
      6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I’m too much of a bitch to do it and I don’t want to hurt my family and friends feelings
      6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • Friends all left me and my family life was kinda bad, so I wanted to kinda succeed at life rather than become some drug addict thief like everyone else in my family outta spite. I just hope I find a good girl after I finish my degree and work for a while, and then one day save up for some property
      Lamia 9 jul
      6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • The suicide hotline seems like a piece of shit
      6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I thought about offing myself so that my family would get 400K and that would solve the marriage problems. I soon realized after separation from my kids, dads are just as important as moms. 3 years later and I'm happier than ever and we're all still together
      dcruson 9 jul
      6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I thought of what my dog would think when I wouldn’t wake up.
      ness02 9 jul
      6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • 6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • I’m too pussy
      5 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show
    • My dog who I consider a daughter (judge me all you want but that dog is my world)
      5 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
      Show

iFunny plug-in will teach your phone to smile

get on the iFunny app to roast them

All content related issues will be solved right here.
After all necessary information is provided, of course:

Complete the form below to notify iFunny of a claim relating to your intellectual property rights and content or some technical inconvenience with the service.
(Positive and productive feedback is appreciated as well).

Your details

Your relationships to the rights holder

Type of claim

Select
Copyright Trademark Nazi-related Offensive Technical difficulties Other
Describe the issue in detail. Please be specific.
Feeling poetic today? Feel free to provide more information
By clicking on "Submit" below, you are certifying the following statements:
  • I state that I have a good faith belief that use of the work(s) in the manner complained of is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law.
  • I state that the information in this notification is accurate and, under penalty of perjury, that I am the owner of the exclusive right that is allegedly infringed, or an authorized agent for the owner.
  • I give my permission to pass my contact information to the alleged infringing party.

Privacy notice

For a list of the categories of personal information that we collect from you and how we use that information, please review iFunny’s privacy policy