• What is the laziest thing you've
ever done?
I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the
wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS)
walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person;
he's still half asleep, bleary eyed... basically a zombie with a
bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just
barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship,
and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a
big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face.
He's squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how
to be alive for today. It's painful to watch.
But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the
phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known
Pm-still-totally-asleep voice, he says "heeeey. It's OPS. Could
you... shift our barpat... yeah, one six five. Thanks." And puts
the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting.
And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of
sun has begun to slide off the zombie's face and onto the wall
behind him. After a moment it clears his face and he blinks
slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I've just
witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to
adjust the ship's back-and-forth patrol by about 15 degrees,
he's changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of
his face. He's literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel
and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his
eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe.
He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I'm terrified at
the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may
never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he's
not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next
bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin,
before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel.
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  • 1 comment

    • This...this is why I get on iFunny.
      Bro_Code__2014 29 may 2014
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