• 283 comments

    • When I was in shop class in 7th grade I had a can of black, oil based paint on my table. The lid was sitting next to it and I picked it up and tipped it to the side to read the label and never noticed it spilling all over the table. A friend just looked over at me and said "dude what are you doing"
      329 16
    • Had a water bottle with hydrogen peroxide in it (looks like water), left it in my car, days later was thirsty, drank it thinking it was water, big ass gulp, immediately threw up all over myself
      317 33
    • I filled my socks with river water. Guess why
      15 3
    • Poured my pasta straight down the sink with no strainer.
      14 2
    • I got on an elevator stoned with two other guys. One says to the other, “what floor?” He said, “6.” Guy looks at me asks, “6, too?” I said, “naw, I’m 6’3”
      13
    • I tried to fight my sister's bf and accidently blurted out that he didn't deserve that pussy
      12 1
    • One time on a Boy Scout trip they were boiling some water for the dishwashing and someone was saying "careful, it's hot" or something like that and I waltzed up, hearing only that sentence and replied "I'll be the judge of that" and stuck my whole ass hand in there. to this day I cannot explain why
      11 2
    • I forgot i had opened a can of pop and i placed it on my bed sideways... thinking it was unopened.
      12 4
    • Imagine asking someone what the time is and they just pour their whole beverage on their lap.
      11
    • one time I dated a woman for 3 years and actually thought she meant it when she said she wanted forever with me, then she cheated and that’s when I knew I did the dumbest thing ever in my life, trusting a woman who says “I want forever with you” that actually means “I want tofeel like I want forever
      11 3
    • I was drunk and shot a firework at a cop car as it was driving away. And not a small firework. This was a 4 inch mortar charge. Thankfully I missed.
      11
    • At a public pool, there was a shower with a curtain, and me since there was someone in the shower and I thought we were the only ones there, i opened it and yelled gotcha bitch, to try and scare my brother, but it was some fully nude Indian dude
      10 2
    • Imagine being on the other side of this, you ask someone what time it is and they just pour their iced tea in their lap.
      9 1
    • Once my Psychology teacher asked “What is it that attracts the opposite gender to women” and I shit you not I said “Wide birthing hips” and my teacher just stared at me
      9
    • I was high af at Taco Bell and I got a craving box they asked if I wanted my tacos Normal or soft and I just responded with tacos
      8
    • We were getting a lecture about wearing your seatbelt while driving from a family that was talking about there kid dying in a car accident. I hate the urgency to ask,”How far was the body from the car” to the family. Still have no idea why I asked that. And this was in front of 100+ other students..
      8 1
    • I closed myself in the fridge because I wanted to know if the light went off when the door shut.
      8 3
    • The image of someone responding to “what time is it” by dumping a drink on their lap is too funny to me
      8
    • I was changing the oil in my motorcycle and I did it in the grass, I kept pouring 2 bottles in and wondered why it wouldn’t fill up and I forgot to put the drain plug in
      8 5
    • I had a milkshake in the car with my dad we were just pulling out of the drive through and it was filled up pretty high into the dome lid with the hole in the top, with some whipped cream on top of it. First thing I did was take off the lid for no reason, and like 1/5th of the milkshake spilt out
      8
    • Guess it was nine thir-TEA!
      8 1
    • The first time I ever ate a tamale was at a friends New Years party and I saw it and didn’t know you had to take off the shell first so I just bit directly into it and told my friends it was disgusting and they all just laughed at me and till this day they still bring that story up
      kabob 25d
      8 1
    • I poured 5 different juicy drop pops and 3 different sour sprays together and chugged it to celebrate my graduation from HS.
      Sorenus 25d
      7 2
    • I poured a cup of water on my head after losing a game of Catan. I still to this day don’t know why I did that.
      7 1
    • I once deep throated a chips ahoy cookie because my friend was making fun of me for having a small mouth and dared me too
      7
    • My wife has shit vision, and one time while drunk she tried to drink a lit candle thinking it was her drink (they were the same color). Thank God I noticed.
      7
    • There was a time where I was at a friend's house, and I saw what I thought was a fake spider,( fake cause it was pretty damn big and also not moving for like 5 minutes) so I picked it up and it fuckin moved
      7 2
    • Today i went down stairs because i remeberd i forgot my drill. I saw it on the counter, and said to myself "wow your so stupid" then proceeded to grab A DIFFERENT TOOL THAT I DID NOT NEED and went back up stairs.
      7
    • I love these kinds of features because everyone puts their stories in the comments
      6
    • I was on a 1st date with this girl and when I went to go pick her up i got out to go open her car door but forgot to unlock the car. Then i went back to my driver side failing to open her door only to realize I locked myself out my car in the middle of the street as her roommates watched....FML
      6 1
    • My friend put his car in park going 60 on the highway. He ment to lower the volume. Keep in mind, he had a normal shifter.
      6 2
    • My names mike, and i accidentally called my friend jake "mike".
      6
    • Pours ice fucking cold cup of iced tea on lap, “Yeah it’s about 11:45”
      6
    • Me and a friend stayed up late one night and he was dozing off, and there was a candle lit on the table, so before he got up to go to bed he decided to put out the candle. With a piece of paper on the table. Boy fire jumps on paper pretty quick
      6
    • Got into a shower and after getting soap on I noticed I had clothes on then proceeded to wash myself clothes and all thinking it would save time from the washing machine
      6
    • Used my phone light to find my phone
      6
    • Then you look them dead in the eyes and say "i have no idea" and act like nothing happened
      5
    • I own 64 watches but I only ever wear 12 that I cycle through. Idk how I ended up with so many
      The_FSM 25d
      5 1
    • Somebody once asked me for the time while I was wearing a watch and I couldn’t read it fast enough so I just twisted my arm around and let them look. She awkwardly said thanks and walked away. Didn’t even read it. It was upside down.
      5
    • Dumbest thing I’ve ever done is download iFunny tbh
      5
    • I think I was 12 when I once put a hotdog in the microwave for either 10 minutes or an hour... anywho I forgot about it. Looked like charcoal
      4
    • I was at the mechanics waiting for them to replace the battery in my car and I was super focused on a book and suddenly the lights started to go on and off for like a milisecond every fee seconds and I asked my dad about it. Turns out I am just an idiot and didn’t recognize that I was just blinking.
      4
    • Microwaving some ramen and it go's off. stir it and put it back in. Go's off again. Opens up fridge stair for about 15 seconds. WTF and I doing? Go's back to watching YouTube. 45 minutes pass. Think "hmm my ramen is taking along time...... awe fuck."
      4 1
    • I failed chemistry do senior year I had the same science teacher back to back for chemistry then environmental science. We were building toothpick drawbridges so I heated up the glue gun halfway through chemistry for my group next period. When they walked in I pour out a bead of hot glue on my
      x_mex 25d
      4 3
    • One time I talked to a girl.. that’s def near the top tbh
      4
    • I want to know how he answered what time it was
      xkhb 25d
      4 1
    • It was at the start of a wrestling match and the ref said good luck and I said "you too"
      4
    • I looked for 10 minutes for my phone while watching YouTube. I was 100% sober and it was like noon
      5
    • Once I was holding keys and a granola bar and I accidentally put my keys in my mouth and didnt notice for about 10 secs
      BogFrog 25d
      4
    • My crush from when i was like 12 came to my house and she was REALLY into video games so my dumbass tryed to impress her by trying to double jump im real life like a dickhead i landed on my fucking fish tank and had to go to the hospital
      3
    • I straight up tried to do a backflip with no prior ability to do a backflip and slammed my head into the ground
      3
    • I was really high and someone asked if i minded if they shoveled our driveway and i wasnt thinkin they will want money for this i just said "no? why would i mind?" I didnt have money sp i told em id pay em the next day and they through a tantrum.
      3
    • Opened my juice at lunch, got distracted and then went to shake it, thinking it was still closed
      3
    • I put the bottom of a coffee pot on my palm to see if it was hot. My coworker lost her shit when she heard the crackle of my skin. My hands are calloused so I felt almost nothing but still🤷🏼‍♂️
      3
    • My crush plays uno with me and a group of friends every OIAW, one time he tried to go to his seat and I blocked his way. The most awkward 5 seconds in my life to this day idk why tf I did it
      3
    • I've forgotten to put the patties on burgers several times when I was working at Hardee's
      3 1
    • That's a moment when one of your past lives took over for just a split second
      3
    • I guess it was tea time.
      3
    • I just kinda of threw 2 eggs at a tree outside my house one day
      3 2
    • Was burning trash and forgot to take the lid off a milk jug so that fucker pressurized and shot the kid point blank at my leg, which melted to my skin and then I touched it out of reflex, making it melt to me hand as well
      3 2
    • I once ate an entire watermelon in one sitting including the seeds and rine on a dare.
      3 1
    • I headbutted a locker in middle school to see if it was funny. It was for my friends, not for me
      3
    • “What time is it” “one sec, lemme just dump my tea all over myself for no reason”. That’s probably what it looked like
      3
    • One time my teacher asked me a question so I stood up and got on top of the lab table my friends and I were on and I got back down into my chair then said the answer
      3
    • Was carrying lasagna, forgot i was carrying food, leaned down to pet cat, covered my cat in hot cheese and meat sauce which she tracked all over my parents house
      3 1
    • I can't believe this person is alive
      3
    • Climbed on my bathroom counter and pissed into the toilet 5 feet away from 4 feet higher
      3
    • Power move
      3 2
    • I walked into a box head first and fell down a flight of stairs in said box. I wasn’t hurt or anything
      3
    • So my friend was spray painting something black after you got done I took the spray paint and spray painted some rocks, after doing that however I took the spray paint took it to little corner of the house and spray-painted a little splotch. It still haunts me to this day
      3
    • I was trying to get over a short loose fence. There was a chair on the other side. I stepped on the chair to help myself but it gave out and I racked myself on the fence
      3
    • I once went to Taco Bell and when I ordered a burrito with cheese and the cashier asked if I wanted chicken or turkey,stared at her dead serious and said “no I don’t want chicken I want meat”
      2
    • I chugged an entire gallon of water in 43 seconds at summer camp that was supposed to be for the whole table and barfed in the middle of the dining hall on my way to the bathroom. Did I mention that I was sitting next to my crush when I did this?
      2
    • Back when putting mentos in coke was cool my friends were videotaping it and after it finished I took the 2 liter bottle of coke and poured the entire thing over my head.
      2
    • even with a watch i always look at my phone
      2
    • I put noodles in the pot before the water was boiling.
      2 1
    • Tea time.
      2
    • I was weighing a 'frictionless' car and it kept rolling off the scale. Instead of putting it on its side, i kept trying to make it stop moving. Embarrassed myself in front of a few people.
      2
    • I once saw a girl I thought was really cute so to show off my masculinity I did a wicked power slide, fell over, cut up my knee and smacked into the wall
      2
    • i put my keys in the fridge
      SIXSET 25d
      2
    • On another episode of how high I was..
      alvae 25d
      2
    • I prefer to stare at people when they ask me stupid questions, & mime pretending to help them, while saying “no” or “I don’t know” or “I don’t have any.” Example: person asks for pencil while I’m clearly wearing dress with no pockets. Me: *pats sides where pockets *would’ve* been* Hm. Can’t find one
      AMiss 25d
      4 1
    • One time i was drinking a carton of milk and realized in needed shaken so i did but it was open
      2
    • You know if you're wearing a watch you can feel it
      2 1
    • Say I have the high ground when I had the low ground
      2
    • I always check my imaginary watch
      2
    • What a timeless post
      2
    • I threw a fire ritz in a toilet just to see what would happen. Now I know
      2 2
    • I kinda don't believe. You absent mindedly checked your watch when you basically never were in a situation to build up that instinct??
      A_F_K 25d
      2 1
    • Imagine what they though, asked a dude what time it was so he just dumped his tea in the lap
      univex 25d
      2
    • So the dumbest thing he’s done is not own a watch. We’ve all iced our balls...
      2
    • Once I was so tired I tried to put my earbuds in, but instead ended up shoving the plug into my ear. I haven't felt worse pain since.
      2
    • Should've followed through with a "half past a freckle" and kept a straight face
      2
    • This is funnier to imagine than it should be
      2
    • Dumbest thing I've ever done was put a girl on a pedestal
      Dre123 25d
      2 2
    • Was hoping there would be more stories in top comments, and not some stupid pewdpie post.
      2
    • I'd have given my lowest hanging nut to have watched that play out in real life
      2
    • Stubbed my toe on the table, out of sheer pain and anger I kicked the table.
      2
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