• What if someone got bitten by a
vampire, but didn't realize it. So
then they go around and keep
misidentifying all the symptoms,
like
"Dude, you haven't gone outside
in a while"
"Yeah, last time I went out I got
this wicked sunburn."
"Are you still up?"
"Yeah, I started bing watching
this show on Netflix."
"Dude, I'm seriously craving
something right now."
"I dunno. Pizza rolls?"
"Why is it that you never come into
my house unless I invite you?"
"I tried cooking with garlic the other
night and got this serious burn on my
hand. I think I'm allergic, but all I'm
aettina on Gooale is vampire bullshit."
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  • 427 comments

    • "Hey James, the mirror is broken."
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    • That actually sounds like it'd make a good story. I'd read
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    • So I tried to go into church and I nearly passed out halfway through the sermon, maybe I need more sleep
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    • Common misconception... vampires actually love garlic, so they started the rumors that they didnt so people would season themselves
      744 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Tried to shove a silver cross up my ass and I just started bleeding wtf?
      704 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • I bet i could go awhile I never look in the mirror but then again whenever i do I cant seem to find myself
      620 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Then one day it suddenly clicks and your like “fuuuuuuuck”
      460 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • "I think my canine teeth got longer because i keep biting my lip"
      405 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • "wow youre really into kissing my neck lately"
      382 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • OK 15 likes or shows of support and I'll ask my crcrusof two years to our prom this year, also hope you have a nice week and good luck with your goals as well
      278 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Mirrors would still show vampires now because science apparently, I forgot the explanation
      257 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Vampire comedies? Can anyone tell me a good vampire comedy? Seems like a lot of fun.
      beinor 4 jul
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    • (1/2) One time when I was walking home from school, it was like 7 or 8 and I walked past a kid and his dad, and he said hi to me, so naturally I smile and the kid starts to scream and cry's to his dad and I hear him tell his dad I'm a vampire. To be fair I have what my dentist refers to as fangs
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    • "Hey man, I'm all for you being Christian, but can you please put that cross away? I dunno it's bothering me for some reason."
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    • Still a better love story than Twilight
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    • I feel like being a vampire would be pretty cool. I mean you get to live a long time. Like maybe then I'll be alive for when one piece actually ends because we all know that it's the story that surpasses time
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    • Should have a guy for the character like mr Crocker is for Timmy turner like “I know you’re a vampire! I’ll catch you!” Tries to take a picture but since he’s a vampire he never shows up and it foils his plans
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    • "I got a splinter woodworking yesterday, and... well I don't know if it's infected or what-"
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    • "my doctor is such a fucking quack. He told me I don't have a pulse. Like what the hell this is worse than the time he told me I had HIV even tho it turned out I just had an ear infection."
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    • "Dude i sucked a cow of its blood, leaving it a husk of its former self. Weird ass munchies"
      chopstew 5 jul
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    • “Dude, you’re looking like a snacc rn ngl”
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    • The British Queen’s handbag is a body language communication device. It is used by her to relay secret and silent messages to her staff. For example, if she is finished speaking to a guest she will move it from one arm to another and her aides will politely end the conversation.
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    • Went to my great grandma’s house and i cant see my reflection
      Bruno 4 jul
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    • Bing watching
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    • Vampires are real
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    • I'm allergic to ultraviolet light and anything in the botanical family of garlic or onions makes me puke and shit my guts out. If I start sparkling I'll pay someone to put me out of my misery.
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    • This is an episode on “what we do in the shadows” I believe it’s s1e8
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    • That’s really funny
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    • 5 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • im curious about how someone could get bitten by a vampire with fangs and just not notice lol
      waadword 4 jul
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    • What we do in the shadows on Hulu.
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    • The first time I heard abt the whole being invited in thing was today when I was watching let me in. It’s a tiny bit like twilight but a lot more murdery
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    • 4 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • this is true. it happened to me.
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    • I dunno why but my gaydar senses are tingling or my shipper senses
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    • We need this as like a TV show or movie or even a book series
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    • Damn, I've been lifting like crazy. Guess that new protien mix is working
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    • There is a Lebanese movie like that, but I can't remember the name
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    • Dracula is real and he ate my ass
      Cyperian 4 jul
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    • This should be a movie, and he should be played by literally anyone except Tom Holland. Sick of that kid.
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    • Modern vampires. Hunts animals and drains them then sells the meat. Lives quietly in the woods and just has jugs of frozen blood.
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    • Dammit Dio
      Boat_Man 4 jul
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    • Sounds funny, said nobody
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    • I would think I was a vampire if I didn’t cook with 80 pounds of garlic everyday
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    • Bing
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    • Last I checked vampires didn’t originally burn or die in the sun, just became weaker and lost a lot of their abilities and burning is just a more modern thing
      Noons_n 7 jul
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    • *Binge
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    • Dude, I've absolutely been slaying the pussy lately, every time I go out. No idea what's going on, I catch myself staring at a girl, next thing I know, she comes home with me. We sleep all the next day and she splits the next night. Kind of weird, but not complaining.
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    • I'm going to write this
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    • Sounds like your typical vampire story
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    • Bing watching
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    • Nice cropping.. Shitlord.
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    • There is a movie called live at first bite with Jim Carrey at 18. Epic movie!!!
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    • Honestly I wannabe a vampire. I wanna watch all these stupid fucks die and live on and on watching people be retarded
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    • Bing watching
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    • "My friends and I were on a ling hike and I just was overcome with fear and dread when we go to this small bridge spanning a little river. Like wtf? I didn't know i was afraid of water or heights."
      VMAN707 6 jul
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    • Imagine if they went to the doctor and got diagnosed with cutaneous porphyria (aka vampire disease) and they'd just walk around saying shit like "oh don't mind me and my 'vampire disease,' total vamp over here lol"
      Taonanae 6 jul
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    • Had a few idiots like that once upon a time
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    • a polite, anemic insomniac with a garlic allergy and pointier canines is basically a real life vampire, and i think there are people exactly like that in the world
      akNoonan 6 jul
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    • That sounds like it would be a decent anime
      Stryga 6 jul
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    • Man, I think the lights at my place are fucked up. They seem to be a lot brighter recently. I think I may be sick or something, since smells are really messing with me too.
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    • Friendly reminder that due to the return of the dislike button we can now dislike these garbage tumblr memes and they will flush out of the system
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    • Pretty sure there's garlic in pizza rolls, should of said jelly filled doughnuts or something
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    • Stake to the heart? “Yeah well who wouldn’t that ki11?”
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    • i lowkey might make this a story
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    • I think my mirror is broken but idk how that happens
      Slash76 5 jul
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    • i dont get the house one?
      defaIt 5 jul
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    • I spot an ifunny water mark
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    • Why pizza rolls?
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    • “Dude, I thought you were religious?” I was but I don’t know anymore.
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    • sounds like being bipolar to me lol
      WillyDee 5 jul
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    • My friends all call me a vampire because I refuse to just waltz into a house without being invited. Like seriously? I know I come over all the time but I'm not just gonna throw your fucking door open and be like "Bitch I'm here deal with it" that's rude af
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    • You guys watch the series "what we do in the shadows"? They dabble in shit like this, its pretty funny.
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    • i skipped the top paragraph and the garlic burn, reading the rest i thought wow this applies to me 😂😂
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    • “They brought me raw steak at the restaurant, I wasn’t even mad, shit was delicious!”
      CRS6132 5 jul
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    • Yea they’ve done this before its a sode plot in What We Do In The Shadows tv show
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    • I would totally watch this if this was a show, do it correctly and you've got a great comedy
      smendez2 5 jul
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    • Being a vampire lesbian would probably make for some really awkward moments with their girlfriend during the monthly river flow
      BartDood 5 jul
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    • Does anyone remember on the bachelor, this one girl had fangs that dropped or was that a fever dream
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    • I’m allergic too silver so when I was little people were scared I was a werewolf. So I’d tell them that werewolves aren’t real and they hit me with “that’s exactly what a werewolf WOULD say”
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    • So yall havent seen the hulu original. "What we do in the shadows" yet? Eh
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    • Do vampires have to sleep? Because it would be dope if I didn’t have to sleep
      Dalek_Q 5 jul
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    • Would you sell your soul to become a vampire? I would. Think of all the good you could do. You could devote your eternity to science and try to make everyone's lives better
      Jutus 5 jul
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    • Yeah sure then you don’t age
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    • This sounds like shaun of the dead
      Corgogi 5 jul
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    • This would make a hilarious story for the 21st century
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    • “Ay bruh my skin is getting pale.” “Go outside.” “No dude I get this huge sunburn.”
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    • Sad part is this is plausible
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    • Just got a splinter and fuckin died lmao
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    • Bro...I might be a vampire
      yUgIoH2 4 jul
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    • "what's up with your neck?" "Oh I got these two giant bug bites. They just won't go away"
      Anti2790 4 jul
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    • Spelled binge wrong. Bing is a search engine
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    • This literally happened on the show What We Do In The Shadows. One of the main vampires, Nadja turns a girl but she doesn't realize she's transitioning into a vampire. She thinks she's developed weird cravings and an allergy to the sun and stuff lol
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    • “Why do you look like you just rolled out of bed?” “I dunno, my mirror isn’t working. I think it might be broken”
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    • *slams door and it break* "piece of shit old ass house!"
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    • I'd love to have a friend that's a vampire cuz that sounds like fun
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    • Let’s not bring vampires back. That was late 2000s and I don’t really wanna go through that again
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    • Clara, the baby isn’t mine!
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    • Time for a skit
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    • It’s true I was the pizza roll
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