• The secret sauce of is being misunderstood.
Player: "I cast command on the witch flying away and yell COME!"
DM (noticably confused): "You hear a faint moaning in the distance."
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  • 335 comments

    • yeah but why write it off as misunderstanding. the DM should just roll with it. they said come but Command does not state the intent of your chosen word: it's assumed. so that exchange was a perfect way to fuck with your players.
      Ayerynn 4 sep
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    • I am the DM. I am like a genie. I will grant your wish but by God you best be specific my boy
      Poker454 5 sep
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    • Jewel 5 sep
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    • Never played dnd but.... can I play as a fork?
      614 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • I ran a dnd campaign where my friend played as a demon trapped inside a hat that if someone saw it they needed to make a DC 22 wis saving throw or put on the hat. Upon putting it on he would take control of whatever was wearing it, and the hat would fit to the size of the wearer.
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    • Imagine being a mage in, oh, say, Waterdeep who is hired by upper class women to cast command and then order them to cum repeatedly. Good way to earn gold.
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    • Once our barbarian with no idea how money worked accidentally really confused the DM IRL when bartering for a magic item with a shop owner, and the guy basically said "that's bullshit, I need like 4,000 more gold" and the barbarian was like "okay sure" and got a 50,000gp item for like 5,000gp.
      MegaMerf 5 sep
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    • I have a friend that has decided he's going to get me to play DnD when he moves down here. He is currently helping me develop a completely custom character to use for my first campaign
      batsims 5 sep
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    • I am the nut-mancer
      Y33tl04f 5 sep
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    • I invented a companion for any character called P.U.P.P. Which stands for pocket universe psychic puppy, it's a small dog that follows your party around and can store any item in its mouth, it doesn't have internal organs but if you don't 'feed' it an item regularly then it'll starve, when you want
      Nougat 5 sep
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    • I absolutly love command but i think it has only ever worked like twice for me. Then the DM uses it on my paladin that cant pass a fucking wisdom save no matter what
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    • But doesn’t the Command spell require her to make a Charisma saving throw? And depending on what kind of witch, specifically Hags and if they are an Elf, then they have advantage on the throws... Or the DM made them fail intentionally because the moaning is hilarious, whichever works
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    • I've never played but I want to so fucking bad, I just have no friends, big sad.
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    • Cum 😌
      Lesbians 5 sep
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    • I was playing my second session with my one friend dming last night and where we left off was a bar fight where we murdered 3 dudes and then when the guards came in I threw a molotov cocktail at them and nooned 2 of them but set the whole bar/inn on fire. Before I did that our little halfling friend
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    • 8 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Lmaooo.
      6 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • cummand
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    • The secret sauce of dnd is being an autistic homosexual
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    • Man I really need someone to play DnD with. Ive never played it before and really wanna start. Im retarded though so character making will be the hardest thing on earth for me
      IamABird 5 sep
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    • This only really works if one can cum at will.
      lwpack 5 sep
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    • I always made "tear out its organs" clear
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    • Power Word Cum
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    • The bard: I gotta get one of those
      1 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • I want to be in another dnd group. I had so much fun with my friends but they all moved away
      Raccoozs 5 sep
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    • Jibrils 5 sep
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    • tbxoxnxe 5 sep
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    • I made a character and yeah died immediately, had my corpse carried by the party through whole campaign, final boss battle, enemy was low on health, so they threw my body at it for the final hit...
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    • The only reason D&D exists is an excuse for a sad group of hentai virgin neckbeards to feel cool around each other.
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    • Cainman 7 sep
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    • Yes, I snorted.
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    • Dunkin donuts has a secret sauce?
      tweb 7 sep
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    • I plan on learning the Call of Cthulu system because no one has the fucking time to teach me DnD and they don't make it fun for me either. They say I *have* to play the way it says to be played, but everyone has their own homebrews at this point, so why not make a world I want to play in???
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    • Looking for someone who can assist dm in a Star Wars rp server on discord.
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    • Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • What do you mean he mastered cockbending
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    • I heard the moan of Zarbon from DevilArtimis' youtube channel
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    • Another dnd feature... great...
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    • Should have been if he rolled a nat 1 she came if he rolled a nat 20 she came
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    • We do that shit on purpose to get back at players
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    • Man I've been watching to much Critical Role I read the DM as Matt Mercer's voice.
      _pantsu_ 6 sep
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    • Should've said "get ooovveeerrr here
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    • With the gusto in how he said it, to be fair, I'd make the witch fall off her broom, or at least lose control for a bit
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    • I tried to use Mage Hand to jack off once but it could only lift 10 lbs :/
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    • My dick slide on a hoe throat
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    • *15 seconds earlier* Player 2: That’s so stupid. You can’t noon someone with an orgasm! Player 1: Oh yeah? I cast command on the witch flying away and yell COME! DM: You hear a faint moaning in the distance. A moment later the broom wobbles and the witch plummets to the ground. Player 2: *smug look*
      NinjaBug 6 sep
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    • I had my players find a bunch of documents in a mine for orders of iron but they also found a scandalous picture underneath a cot, when they asked what the paper held I thought they meant the painting XD
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    • The DM is guilty of being a whore
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    • I am a paladin, so I do have the command spell... Honestly I have thought of doing that, but yelling sleep seems more effective most of the time
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    • I wouldn't be able to play DnD I would sit there for an hour making my character besides the name
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    • Grow up you fucking losers
      BodySlam 6 sep
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    • Every tried playing as a mindflayer?
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    • I once decided to try and threaten a pickpocket by making it look like there was blood on his clothes useing prestidigiration, however due to the spell saying "soil" everyone decided that I made it look like he pissed his pants
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    • dnd seems fun but like super hard to get in to
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    • Shut up nerds
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    • I just played dnd for the first time today with a friend who was dm for the first time it’s everything I’ve heard basically things went off the rails and we ended Up nooning god
      TurdIe 5 sep
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    • Lol 😂
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    • Power word: cum
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    • Today one of my players (a cleric) commanded a mimic to die. So as any reasonable dm. I had it roll over and play dead for a turn.
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    • One time one of my players wanted a boat store and I misheard it as “bookstore” so I said “You walk into a Barnes & Nobles”
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    • I love having a vivid imagination...read it, saw it in my mind's eye (fuckin drive in theater to me)... Bout spit my beer out..
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    • I’m a DM and my players always come up with science experiments and chain reactions to most encounters... it’s fun but scares me
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    • okay this genuinely made me laugh
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    • I was doing an NPC voice and attempting to have an accent and the party went from "Visiting an Orchard" to "Stealing an Orca."
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    • Lmao
      Cbrooo 5 sep
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    • More like *(With mischievous intent)*
      toskinny 5 sep
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    • One of my players tried to interrogate a goblin, but I misunderstood and he ended up raping the poor bastard
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    • Get over here and saying it like scorpion tho
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    • Accio bum
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    • I want to say "that's not how the spell works" but it's mostly because I hate horny dnd
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    • Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Nice
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    • Who thought it was a good idea to teach the Bard Command?
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    • This would be a proper response tbh, the actual command to make them come to you is “approach” as listed by the spell
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    • Ohhh myyyyy
      brostow 5 sep
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    • So everyone's playing DnD now? God, I wish my friends would just grow up already.
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    • First DND started with one dude becoming racist towards short people, so our dwarf had to buy stilts, and ended up being 14 ft tall. We came across a sign for “The Game Master” which we graffiti to “Gay Master”. I won a challenge and got a bust of the guy, so now my inventory reads “Gay Masters Bust
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    • *distant cackled moaning*
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    • Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • *she
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    • Tv trope where a genie takes things WAY TOO LITERALLY
      BIindboy 5 sep
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    • Welp time for the assumption song
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    • For the people who want to play dnd but don’t have groups: Roll20.com
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    • “The witch comes back later and gives you her number.”
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    • Critical hit maybe???
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    • I’ve always wanted to play dnd. Is the only way thru in person?
      Sathex 5 sep
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    • Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Mah first dnd session is tomorrow im so excited
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    • Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Lol
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    • As a DM I often run into the issue of something that seems obvious to me not getting across to the players, which results in misunderstandings over character locations all the fucking time
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    • That’s why Liam always goes “fireBOLT or fireBALL” when playing Caleb due to the German accent
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    • I’m trying to learn how to DM so my friends and I can play. Any tips on where to learn?
      yeetos 5 sep
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    • Erlomast 5 sep
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    • Yeah this sums up playing dnd with a bunch of idiots except, that was the intended result
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    • I'd smack my GM if she pulled that shit
      RP_RIP 5 sep
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    • Person in my group told a succubus to come while under a spell. Like he really just walked into that one
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    • I was doing a session as DM and they rolled for command and it landed on a 3 and they said “fuck me” so I said roll for initiative and he got a 19.
      tcliff 5 sep
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    • That’s why the spell specifically says “Approach”
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    • I live for being very literally with the outcomes of command or suggestion.
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