• Shrek was still hungry, so
he ate a bolt of lightning.
"Yum," said Shrek. "My diet is everything."
"You eat my food," said the cloud that made the lightning.
"Please at least tip twenty percent."
"Okay," said Shrek. "I will get your tip from my bag."
Shrek reached into his bag for his gun that killed clouds.
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  • 421 comments

    • Ah yes. The bible
      quill777 4 jul
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    • Oh my God!! I remember bringing this book home from the school library and my mom was horrified that I loved it.
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    • I can't believe this wasn't written by a robot
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    • Keep the change you filthy animal
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    • This is the original Shrek
      Arcclone 4 jul
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    • This is some Roald Dahl shit
      PaGnoon 4 jul
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    • Is this real and if so what is this book called
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    • 434 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Which book is this? And what drugs did the person take to create this book?
      bre17269 4 jul
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    • What did I tell you about cumulonimbus clouds? Fuck em. Also this is but a taste of Shrek’s raw power. He just wanted some fast food.
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    • I remember reading the original Shrek book in 1st grade. I would gasp loudly every time Shrek called said "ass"
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    • 305 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • "There once was a woman who swallowed a spider"
      198 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • The Bibble
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    • This screams Obvious Plant
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    • 138 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • This is the Shrek Manga.
      Nabbit 4 jul
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    • For those who are confused, there was a book called Shrek from 1990 of which the rights were purchased by Spielberg then became the movie we all know and love.
      Kaliic 5 jul
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    • Damn I forgot Shrek was originally a book
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    • Better than shrek 3
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    • Every line is another punch to the gut
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    • SOME BODY ONCE TOLD ME
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    • Shrek by William steig
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    • "LOL SO RANDOM!" I fucking hate you all.
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    • Damn you just gonna play my boy ThingsThatAreNotAesthetic like that he posted this over a week ago
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    • This man has provoked Zues
      Sp4wn 4 jul
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    • kymemek 4 jul
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    • 2 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Shrek big as shit
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    • Bro at LEAST 20% like dam that service better be lightning fast
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    • Shrek was blue not green, stfu
      _Devo_ 4 jul
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    • S
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    • Ah yes my gun that k!lls clouds, you’ll find that right next to my toaster that toasts fine china
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    • The og shrek
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    • Read it in shreks voice
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    • Is this canon?
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    • What in the swamp story f*ck
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    • I fucking love this
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    • This has the same energy as “The Poop that Took a Pee” by Leopold Butters Stotch
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    • What?
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    • Thumb in the lower left
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    • Brozone 6 jul
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    • Is this real?
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    • I’ve actually read that book. 10/10
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    • "This is ma swomp now!"
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    • I actually read this book in elementary school
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    • Okay, now I KNOW I need to go to bed
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    • Reminds me of when we had to write a short book in elementary school
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    • I read this while barely awake and I couldn't comprehend it
      Prindle 6 jul
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    • Brought to you by predictive text
      faares 6 jul
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    • HOW DARE YOU USE SHREK LIKE THAT U FUCKING UNCULTURED SWINE?!
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    • I need to read that book
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    • My biggest fantasy is wondering about how sideways we'll be in like 200 years and books like this are considered historically valuable
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    • Shrek is a bitch??
      cDiggory 6 jul
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    • Crazy that the shrek we know was just made to spite disney and was never meant to succeed
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    • How do so many of you not know that shrek was a book first?
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    • This triggered a very very deep memory
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    • wait... what
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    • I want to read more
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    • Huh
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    • FOOL! Sir Shrek is always strapped.
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    • Wow... you guys really don’t know about the original Shrek children’s book huh?
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    • My friend and I made a book report over this book in middleschool
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    • I read that book in elementary. He calls Donkey a jackass.
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    • Asking for a tip is rude
      VeMMo 5 jul
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    • Best part is this is a book lol
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    • These books are fever dreams
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    • What in the sweet, fresh fuck did i just read
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    • Let this be a lesson
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    • Remember when people were still respectful to food service employees because they were working with none of the benefits?
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    • Tha fuck is that thing!? Shreks ugly but not the ugly
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    • I'd like to recruit this mr shrek...
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    • I laughed way too hard reading this
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    • This is real?!
      WTFNews 5 jul
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    • What the actual fuck?
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    • I had this book as a kid and laughed because i didnt understand that ass meant donkey and he just kept reffering to donkey as ass lool
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    • I busted a nut to this
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    • His shirt is making me see things I didn’t as a kid
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    • Da fuk
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    • My third grade class did a play from this book😂
      bleahh 5 jul
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    • This is a dril tweet
      Requix 5 jul
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    • This is cannon
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    • Parry this you fucking casual
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    • This was the book that the Shrek movies were inspired by. I think they were originally swedish, so they probably werent translated 100% accurately.
      _Tutter_ 5 jul
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    • Me: can I watch Shrek? Mom: we have Shrek at home. Shrek at home:
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    • I thought he was just going to pull out a middle finger.
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    • Read this in kindergarten
      CoGXBoss 5 jul
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    • Wh-what?
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    • The sacred Shrexts.
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