I invite my closest friends and family to
a gender reveal party, but when I open
the box with maniacal flourish instead
of pink or blue balloons, a television
screen is revealed.
I dim the lights remotely as we hear Cate
Blanchett say, "The world is changed. I
feel it in the water."
Too late, they realise.
The pregnancy? A scam.
The Lord of the Rings editions?
The doors? Locked.