• People often say they hope their
deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels
in doggy heaven... what did all of those
squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of
torment?
Dog heaven is also squirrel hell it's a
very efficient system.
i can't stop fucking laughing at the
thought of squirrels sinning so much in
the mortal plane that they have to be
sent to squirrel hell to atone
They know that the bird feeder isn't
meant for them
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  • 283 comments

    • Me: hey squirrel what’re you up to? Squirrel: *hastily hides evidence of tax evasion* chipchipnutschipchip
      zalg0 19 jun
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    • They Chuck acorns just to fuck with you
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    • Every sapling in my garden and all of my potted plants, dug up by squirrels, Every Day! That's why they go to squirrel Hell.
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    • Put my dog down a week or two ago. Not looking for sympathy, but I keep having dreams that hes back. In one I was happy he was back and playing with him, and asked my stepmom (who adores him) why she didnt react to him returning. She started tearing up and said that he wasn’t back. I just “what do>
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    • “You fucked with squirrels, Morty.”
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    • It’s cuz all them nuts they be suckin
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    • Animals have souls. Jesus was Born in a manger and the animals' breath kept Him warm. St Francis even blessed animals. Us Catholics have certain days where we can take our animals to the Church to be blessed. The Lions obeyed God when Daniel was thrown to them. Animals are a Blessing from God.
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    • I’ve shot about 6 squirrels off the bird feeders just this week
      iTaurus 21 jun
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    • This is a pic of my dog a year ago. A lot has changed since we parted ways, buddy. You were a good dog
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    • You shouldn’t fuck with squirrels morty why did you fuck with the squirrels
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    • Maybe it’s a Tom & Jerry type scenario where both parties are secretly enjoying the constant chase and outwitting
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    • “You fucked with squirrels morty!! We gotta pack up and leave this reality! I said we could only do this a couple time! Dammit you fucked with squirrels!!!”
      Floyd220 22 jun
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    • Wait, then is dog hell just dogs getting their cock and balls tortured by angelic squirrels? 🐿
      Linebat 21 jun
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    • PorkSword 19 jun
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    • I saw a squirrel punch another in the back of the head on my fence
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    • zerosober 20 jun
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    • Ok but it’s free food how is it a sin to take free food when it’s provided
      cilantro0 19 jun
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    • Why don’t people like squirrels eating from bird feeders?
      TurtI 19 jun
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    • You have clearly never met a single squirrel.
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    • I just read this story about how a beaver mutilated a baby seals forehead with it's teeth and skull fucked it to death so I really hope there's a beaver hell
      Darbuscus 19 jun
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    • I hope they aren’t chasing squirrels I hope they are catching them
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    • Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. 😐
      twoccm 19 jun
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    • Hell isnt where you atone
      TheRed 19 jun
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    • Who here just thought of Rick and Morty where Morty can read the minds of animals and discovers squirrels run the entire world
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    • There is no animal hell or heaven as animals are incapable of sin
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    • So demon heaven is human hell?
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    • The squirrels thats eat my fucking mangos go to hell
      MikeMr305 22 jun
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    • well, squirrels are a cause of country road accidents because they will run across the street just as a car is going by.
      JaxKitten 22 jun
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    • the fucking squirrels in my yard keep jumping on my herb box to try and get to the feeders that have not one but two squirrel guards on them. we had to move the herbs but if they make it all the way up, they kinda deserve the seeds.
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    • Hircine demands it
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    • "I can't stop laughing" :|
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    • I think a soul/consciousness is like a liquid that fills up a vessel. Insects have a tiny bit because they are a small vessel. Humans, dolphins, elephants, etc are a larger vessel and thus have more of a soul/consciousness. Ultimately, we are all the same thing in varying amounts.
      faust667 22 jun
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    • once i saw a squirrel up on a 2nd floor balcony jump for a bird feeder and plummet 2 stories as his life was quickly vanquished
      Surogou 22 jun
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    • squirrel stuck in bird feeder. it took my mother and I over an hour to get the fuzzy bastard out. he could have eaten at the other 5, but nope he was determined to eat the food in that part. So unless it's that squirrel from Ice Age, I'm anti squirrel.
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    • Those squirrels set their house on fire
      chopstew 22 jun
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    • So does that mean dog hell is squirrel heaven? Do the squirrels get to turned into giants and chase the dogs that got shrunk to the size of a squirrel?
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    • Interesting concept: What if in human hell we are also hunted by some bigger, more intelligent beast in its heaven.
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    • Tree rats
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    • But only after falling from the Empire State Building at 4800 miles per hour
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    • Human hell is cat heaven, they like to watch
      omegapool 21 jun
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    • Yea heaven isn’t real, you die it’s over for ya bud
      Wasss 21 jun
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    • Religion is bullshit. Stop believing in fairytales and grow the fuck up
      tcby503 21 jun
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    • If you choose not to wear a mask and people d!e because of your actions, you're going to hell. Even if you don't know you klled someone, God knows.
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    • Apparently none of y'all have gone to the er over an infection from a squirrel bite
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    • Making you think a deer is walking near you when your hunting, even though you know it's not a deer by the walk pattern but still gets your Hope's up and then when a deer finally shows up the squirrels decide it's the best time to run around like a fucking jackass and spook the deer
      AmosMoses 21 jun
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    • They stole my tulip bulbs they should be considered blessed I'm to lazy to kil/l then for it
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    • Makes sense
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    • Why do I get the impression a dad or grandfather is the original author of this post?
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    • Doggy hell is squirrel heaven, it tortures bad doggos with squirrels they can never reach teasing them for all of eternity
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    • Squirrels really are bastards though. One survival strategy they have is raising the alarm when they spot a hawk, but then staying very still. They wait to flee until one of the other squirrels that run gets picked off first.
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    • Hell is punishment. Not atonement
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    • A squirrel always took my fucking nerf darts until one day I was sick of it and sent my dog after that cunt
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    • Makes me think of the motorcycle guys story about the squirrel by far the funniest freakin story I have had the pleasure of reading lol
      Mortoli 21 jun
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    • Even human hell doesn't take much to get into, I wouldn't put it past God to see how much it takes for a squirrel to get into hell or He might just call it blasphemy lol
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    • Gluttony
      RedDirt 21 jun
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    • Nothing like a spring pellet gun for the squirrels in the bird feeder. They eat bird eggs and baby birds, and if you hit them the dog gets to play squirrel fetch. It's a win win win
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    • Squirrels are rats with bushy tails and the they can do serious damage to a house via the attic
      thashiz 21 jun
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    • When a priest told me that dogs do not have souls and therefore do NOT go to heaven I decided God could suck my ass.
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    • It’s all those times squirrels ran out in front of your car
      wdheizer 21 jun
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    • But that means squirrel heaven is dog hell, which is a terrible system
      GreenSir 20 jun
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    • You guys ever read Beatrix Potters Squirrel Nutkin? That's why squirrels go to hell
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    • Ricky from trailer park boys would have a lot to say about this
      UsedDildo 20 jun
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    • Did you know that male squirrels with fight and try to bite off each others testicals to gain dominance and reduce competition in maiting
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    • Some squirrels are ASSHOLES
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    • “The situation in Argentina has proven less convenient than predicted.” “We'll have to re-destabilize their economy. Refocus labor class outrage from upper to middle, foster a coup, and install a compliant regime.”
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    • You don’t “atone” in hell you just suffer. You “atone” in purgatory.
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    • Oh so they all go to hell then
      webergolf 20 jun
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    • One of those fuckers chewed up the cables my parents car. Apparently it was very expensive to fix.
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    • Hell? Hell is just a word, reality is much worse. - Event Horizon
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    • Mark Rober knows how to deal with those sneaky squirrels.
      TeamTFA 20 jun
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    • I was attack by squirrels... I saw into their souls as life nearly left me... I saw evil. This post makes sense to me.
      All4You 20 jun
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    • AND THE LORD SAID THOUGH SHALT NOT TOUCH MY HOLY BIRD FEEDER.
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    • Morty will tell yah squirrels are crazy.
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    • Don’t let Mark Rober’s wife see this
      Ashie22 20 jun
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    • How about pigeon hell... where those little fuckers get shit on constantly from thousands of human anuses floating in the sky
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    • Theologically. Humans are the only creatures to actually have morals and know right from wrong, every other creature is born and dies innocent and ignorant. So only humans would be capable of going to Hell.
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    • They fuCKING KNOW!!!
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    • Good them mfs running around in my bedroom ceiling fuckin deserve it
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    • Phantastic gus
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    • Does that mean that when demons die, heaven is hell and hell is heaven?
      callias 20 jun
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    • Dog is just doom slayer after death
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    • Black squirrels will castrate other squirrels
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    • The video of the squirrel with his balls stuck in the feeder would be a worse hell than that
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    • Rick and Morty reference
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    • Animals have no soul and thus have no capacity to go to heaven or hell. This is something that both Christians and Atheists can agree on
      Flamjetxx 20 jun
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    • And dog hell is furry heaven... It works because no one is ever there
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    • Squirrels are assholes. They all go to dog heaven
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    • Squirrels are little demons. The jerks.
      ladyelwin 20 jun
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    • They pissed on gus
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    • they are confused, you dont goto hell to atone, you are condemned for eternity. thats why preachers gave last rights to death row inmates. its your last chance, to be stuck in purgatory until judgement day, where they decide if you did whatever it was god deamed right... or something... basically
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    • When I was a freshman in college I got the very last seasonal muffin on the last day of finals before Christmas after not getting any all semester bc they’re so popular. A squirrel stole it. The bastard can go to squirrel hell
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