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    • Reminds me of that fallout 4 robot "State you business commie!" "Fuck you" "American detected, carry on"
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    • Military men know that you take what you can get. They aren’t gonna force you to be blue balled unless you are a legit security risk
      MrCkapm1 17 apr
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    • I'm in the navy and can confirm this is how we react when we're on watch and find people fooling around
      renuzit 17 apr
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    • Had a girl put her mouth around my dick and BLOW like she was trying to inflate a balloon
      chuy9193 18 apr
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    • In high school I dated this girl and she was giving me a hand job and was nervous and literally yanked on my dick so hard. I screamed that it's not detachable and she looked embarrassed.
      MrMercy 17 apr
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    • One time I hooked up with an old coworker and she had her Spotify playing in the background and rape me by nirvana came on.
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    • First time being alone with the ex getting really into the wild shit, and her moans turned into like fucking gorilla grunts or some shit and I started laughing and she started crying bc I laughed and yeah...
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    • My friend had a one night stand where the guy got really into it when he came from getting head and grabbed her head and pulled it all the way down and his cum came out her nose
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    • I remember getting a bj in a bathroom stall at my university, and some chick walked into the stall next to us and started shitting with the fury of 1000 suns
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    • itsLuke 17 apr
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    • I was with my gf, this was only our 2nd time having sex. We thought the house was empty but her older brother was home, and she was moaning louder than a fucking wildebeast. She went to the bathroom after we finished, and he came in her room. I thought I was a dead man, but he gave me a high five...
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    • One day i had a girl doggy and than i wanted to slap her ass pretty hard. Somehow she noticed that and jumped forward. So where ass was supposed to be was nothing and i wasnt prepared. So my hand flew threw air till it hit my dick. I slapped the shit out of dicktip and it was so damn painfull.
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    • 20 hour drive. Road head turns into midnight rest stop sex (it was a very clean rest stop) in the ladies room. He’s got me up against the wall in the far stall when the biggest blackest woman on Earth goes into the stall by us and takes the biggest blackest shit on Earth.
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    • Was fucking my ex on the couch cuz we didn’t think anyone was home. Going at it for a while and then we head a mhm from behind us. Standing on the stairs is her mother looking down at us and she just says when you are done I ordered a pizza for you two
      Russ_127 18 apr
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    • One time the chick I was fucking slipped a finger in my ass and I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do and ended up punching her in the face out of reflex
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    • One time I had sex with a girl while avatar the last air bender was playing the whole time in the background and I kept getting distracted because it was a really good episode
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    • At this party I started banging this chick in the bedroom doggy style. She was really into it right up until she looked back and realized I wasn’t her boyfriend. Awkward...
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    • Imagine actually having sex
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    • Was eating my girlfriend out for the very first time and her dog walked in and almost attacked me thinking I was hurting her
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    • I was having sex and it was pretty nice then I woke up
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    • First girlfriend loved to walk in public parks at night because it’s so empty, so one time when we were out she was blowing me and when I nutted u saw a guy coming towards us so we ran and I look at her sprinting with a cum goatee and I laughed so hard I tripped and fell on asphalt
      Jeeblitt 18 apr
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    • Ifunny users can’t relate because they don’t have sex
      Fiendin 19 apr
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    • One time me and my girl where doing it on the couch in the living room and my dad walked out and she threw on covers and my dad had a full convo with me while my dick was still inside her.
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    • Some couple were getting it on in some woods behind my class, teacher found them. Dude started coming up, people are yelling “THAT’S (NAME)!” Then the girl came up and there was an audible gasp. “AND THAT’S NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!” Someone yelled, then I died from laughter.
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    • Deadass after senior prom me and my girl drove to this abandoned parking lot and she started sucking my dick and then out of nowhere I see headlights and then cops tapping on my window saying that I was trespassing but that “we could finish our talk” across the street at another parking lot lmao
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    • PorkSword 17 apr
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    • I went to visit my girlfriend while she was camping in a nearby state park. We found an obscure spot to park. and a park ranger came by and was about to look in on us doing the dirty. So I two handed my junk and hopped out buck ass naked to send him away before he saw her naked.
      DedPewll 19 apr
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    • My girl and I were having sex and we were getting hot and sweaty. No big deal. Was doing the good ole missionary when our guts hit and from the sweat it made like a suction pop noise and we just bursted out laughing.
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    • i was at my exes house and we were having really quiet sex under a blanket in the living room *we thought everyone was asleep* and right as i came i pulled the blanket off so i didnt nut on it and as i was cleaning up we realized her sister was in the room.she literally watched me nut
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    • My bf and I were in the middle of morning sex, and he was whispering in my ear "we were fucking in my dream last night and I woke up horny." And I just nonchalantly reply "I was eating makeup in my dream."
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    • I paused in the middle of sex to watch the darth maul lightsaber fight in phantom menace
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    • Literally last night I had sex with this girl I had gone in a few dates with. I was hitting it doggy and her legs were between mine. Well, she kinda bent her legs up and one of her toes kinda flicked my butt hole when I was really just not expecting it and I legit accidentally yelped in her ear.
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    • This one time I was having sex in morgue and it was pretty terrible. She kinda just laid there like she was dead.
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    • This makes me reminisce upon all the times I too had tons and tons of sex with amazingly hot women that you don’t know cause they go to another school
      zeezs 18 apr
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    • Shit you not this happened: So here I am screwing this girl and at the end I’m ready to come right, so I’m going to cum on her tits but I overshot... all you see is a splurge fly across the room and land on a picture, that picture was the face of Jesus Christ
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    • Was crawling on top of her trying to act sexy, got a horrible leg cramp, fell to the ground I. Crying agony, all while she laughed at me uncontrollably
      rossco 19 apr
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    • The funniest thing that’s happened to me during sex is that I’ve never had it
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    • Had a chick riding on top of me.. she told me to slap her ass.. I missed and slapped my balls fucking hard. Had to call er quits after that 😂
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    • I mean, I touched a girls hand once, or twice maybe..
      DewmSlaya a month
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    • One time I was going down on this cute punk rock chick I was dating at the time and she had a white skirt on so I flipped it over my head and hands and made spooky ghost noises/gestures. She laughed for a solid 2 minutes straight, like, crying laughing. Then we fucked.
      samurai937 a month
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    • The funniest thing that’s happened to me during sex was the time I thought I was going to finally have it for the first time and then got ghosted. It’s a running gag to this day. Very funny stuff!
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    • Simple but sweet. I was getting head and her parents werent home but they came home midway so the door opens and im stuck staring down a big grown ass dude with my dick in his daughters mouth. I ran out the window and left all my clothes. Had to do the walk of shame covering my dick with my hands
      BearCole 18 apr
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    • I slapped my dick on my exes ass, and asked "do you want a hotdog for those buns?" Then I laughed my boner off.
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    • My gf and I were snacking on teriyaki beef jerky. A little later we started to do it and the bag was still on the bed, it opened and got everywhere. We didn’t stop and jerky was everywhere. Now we think of that whenever we see jerky at the store
      Shawskyyy 18 apr
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    • One time I was fucking a girl doggy, and I became away of a secondary slapping sound. Turns out after the initial slap her tits were slapping her in the face. 10/10 experience
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    • Similar thing happened at my local air field. 2 trucks came out and surrounded our car and opened my door to see me mid thrust. They just closed the door back up, left a note on my windshield saying have fun and drove off.
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    • One time I banged a chick who kept saying “fuck me James” “oh my god James you’re so big”. I have no idea who James is my name is Dylan
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    • I was fooling around with my lady when we were back in high school with Blue Planet or some other Attenborough documentary on in the background and there was a second of silence and we both heard “THE NORTHERN RIGHT WHALE CAN PRODUCE OVER A HUNDRED GALLONS OF SPERM” and both bust out laughing.
      xCajun 18 apr
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    • Don’t have any story to share, I didn’t lose my virginity because I NEVER lose.
      KuchiKopi 18 apr
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    • He said “carry on my wayward son” and dozens of soldiers started clapping
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    • My fiance and I was getting into it blowing me and I looked down at her right before I was gonna come and she was looking at me seductively while pointing it at my face and before I could say anything I came on my face. She couldn't stop laughing for a whole hour
      Yoman1030 17 apr
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    • How can people have sex with strangers and then never again? It disgusts me and I dont know why it disgusts me
      lelle2 19 apr
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    • You gotta think, most of these soldiers are 18-20 years old guys on a watch they don’t want to be on. Something serious happens they are on it, but chances are if you’re a civilian gettin some in a secluded area near base... fuck it do your thing 😂
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    • So I was pounding away at this dude like a jackhammer theres blood and sparks im just going to town on this dude and I'm a nice guy i have some common courtesy so I go to give the dude a reach around and THE DUDE HAS A BONER WHAT A FAG turned out the dude I was pounding was fucking gay!
      Devrio 18 apr
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    • One time I was getting head on my gf's bed and I was somewhat underneath the blankets but her sister walked in out of nowhere and I tried to cover up my dick and look normal but I realized that after talking to her, my tip had been out the whole time
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    • I pulled out mid go and stopped completely to watch Thor fight the hulk in ragnarok because priorities
      ch8508 18 apr
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    • The funniest thing that happened to me was when my girlfriend was mad at me for giving her dirty dick and she tried to aim my dick to nut on my face, but I nut before she could aim properly and busted in her eyes lmao.
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    • I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose
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    • I missed her ass and I slapped my nuts
      Drcool_52 17 apr
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    • content not available more
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    • First time with my girl and I came, shooting a little on her stomach... her face was “aw that’s cute” then I shot a stream to her face from afar by accident 😂 her face turned to a surprised look and she begun to laugh
      Likr_ 17 apr
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    • We had a random playlist on and hakuna matata came on, completely ruined the moment, but was funny as hell
      lacaras21 17 apr
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    • My ex was at my house and we were in missionary underneath the blanket, I wasn’t on the verge of cumming, but either way my sister walked in (she’s 10) and i throw the blanket over top of both of us, and she comes over to have a conversation with me as im inside of a girl. She had no idea.
      Sriracha11 a month
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    • Was getting violently plowed in the living room at my boyfriends cause no one was home and his friend walked in to his house unbenounced. Looked for a second. Realized. Went through all 7 stages of grief in a flat 3 secs. Said sorry for interrupting. Walked out and drove away. It was mortifying.
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    • His grandma walked in as I was losing my virginity
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    • I fucked a girl and afterworlds she pulled a large warm pizza out from under her bed and went “here’s your reward!!”
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    • I was jacking him off and when he came apparently it decided to projectile and I aimed it straight into his mouth and nose (I’m mean I know). He sneezed and it shot back at me. Gross, but it was one hell of a laugh.
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    • One time during sex we were on the girls moms bed cuz she was gone and it was mid day and the 2nd floor was like 98 degrees. Halfway through I get on top. Stop. Look at the bed. Rub my hand across it and just say “this mattress is wonderful. Where did she get it?”
      lilgman 18 apr
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    • Well it wasn’t sex, but I was making out with my boyfriend on the cough quite heavily and from behind the couch my dog farted really long and loud
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    • I remember another one where i laughed my ass off😂. Me and my now ex gf tried some new things and she licked my asshole (rly weird nvr doing it again). While she was doing i felt a little pressur from my inside that was building up, but i was saying to myself “nah man yo cant fart now“ but the...
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    • One time a chick asked me to choke her. And i was focused on my hip movement. So after about 40 seconds she taps my arm and I let go. Apparently she almost passed out and I coulda choked her out.
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    • Ok so in nebraska we have missile silos under the groimd in random places. My grandpa went over a fence into a fiels cuz he had to shit then the natl guard came and was aboit to arrest him cuz he tripped a silent alarm
      Godkaplan 17 apr
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    • I mean, I touched a girls hand once, or twice.
      MooseIndian a month
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    • I promise you it was some E-4 who doesn't get paid enough for that shit
      Ironman989 a month
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    • So I was at this party one time, and this girl I really liked was there. I decided to just go up and talk to her. After the party, she asked me to drive her home so I did. We got to her house and next thing you know, nothing happened bc I’m still a single loser that doesn’t go to parties...
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    • Gf was on her period. I didnt know it would be so bad but before we were Done the bed looked like someone had been sacrificed on it
      12
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    • Lost my virginity to a Mormon wearing a pirate costume
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    • I had a girl on top who though she was cumming..... yeah it was piss, she pissed all over me.
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    • One time I was having the sex and my gf had a little back pain and I pulled her to me she let out a little oof, and I start to laugh a little, and this girl tells me “just power through” and I lost it
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    • One time i had sex with a girl in her parents hottub in the dead of night while her parents weren’t home, and while I was ramming her doggy over the side we saw her little brother walk past the screen door, see us, and then just go back to his room
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    • My dogs wet nose touched the rim of my asshole when she went for a sniff. Me and my gf were laughing so hard we stopped.
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    • This guy... i was jerking him off and his dick farted... lol remember most English men are uncircumcised so i think... i mean i THINK i got air trapped under his foreskin and kinda made it burp/fart lol now THAT was funny.
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    • I was banging a chick on the floor next to the tv stand. Banged stand knocking a bobblehead off of the top shelf that falls and hits the check dead in the face bounces off and lands right side up head just looking at me as it bobbles. Mood killed as i die laughing.
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    • Here's mine. Eating out my girlfriend at the time. Suddenly i this familiar metallic flavor hits my lips. Turned on the lights and my ex was looking at my bloodied face. And i be like "a real pirate is not afraid of the red sea".
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    • We were in the middle of getting really into it.. and I forgot to turn my phone all the way down. Then my text tone starts going off from a group convo I was apparently in"I like turtles"
      Morty945 17 apr
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    • I did have sex but my friend did, I was at his house and a girl came over, I was close to the TV playing battlefield 1 and they were on the bed talking and I look over a bit later and they're just fucking, literally 7 feet away from me.
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    • I don’t know what’s more virgin,me or the people with fake stories in the comment section
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    • One time I popped in a girl and her mom walked in looked me dead in the eye and left, she later came back with a condom and, realizing I had already blown my load without one, chased me out of the house
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    • Funniest thing: I live in a small town and the cops all know everyone especially my family we go way back, my gf and I are in the park after hours eating dinner and about to go at it and she is RIPPING my belt off right as a cop pulls up and very gently taps on our window and says "Hey kids the 1/2
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    • Ahaha ah yes I too do the sex stuff haha
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    • We were doing it missionary and i strait up shit
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    • One time I had sex with a girl and we thought we were alone in her house so we were louder than we’d normally be and then we barely got dressed and went to the kitchen to get something to eat while red faced with messed up hair, and we walked outside to see her dad sitting in the living room
      10
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    • I told a girl once while she riding me that it was like an elephant riding a candy cane. I was referring to me pencil dick but it obviously got taken as I was calling her an elephant. Yeah I didn’t get a nut that night.
      cwhit23 17 apr
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    • I got a new carpet for my room one time when I was living with my parents, and when my gf at the time came over she said we should “christen it” so we fucked on the carpet until my dad who was mowing the lawn knocked on my window for no apparent reason...
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    • Can’t be the only one who read vaccinating not vacationing
      _Kyot0_ 17 apr
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    • Fucking homies. Probably had to report back and say nothing was there
      Natelav 17 apr
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    • Drooled on a girls forehead mid-Fuck once.
      _Crow 17 apr
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    • Imagine you’re a soldier serving your country proudly in the Navy for years only for one day to find two people banging near your post
      10
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    • I use to fool around with my bestfriend before she moved but keep in mind she had just cut her hair and had short finger curls so fast forward I’m balls deep finna nut and I try to pull her hair and remember she doesn’t have any so I ended up smacking her in the back of the head
      Nosferatu 17 apr
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