• Okay weirdly this exact situation has happened to me. It was summer so I was sleeping naked, but then I heard the lock on the front door being opened. I thought someone was breaking into my house and I had enough time to either grab my sword or my nightgown, not both.
Two things I learned.
One, sometimes apartment complexes will flat out forget to tell you they're sending someone over from the fire department to check your fire extinguishers.
Two, no matter how bad ass a person thinks they are, a naked person swinging a sword at them will knock them off balance both physically and mentally.
However, the fireman was very nice about it and accepted my apology.
didn't think it could get any better, yet here we are
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  • 413 comments

    • No naked sword wielding gf why even live
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    • Who the fuck sends a fireman to check fire extinguishers in the middle of the fucking night?
      Setesh 9 aug
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    • Anyone breaks into my house they get a face full of bat and and all 5 inches, baby.
      864 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • The last thing the burglar saw was whiskey drunk me weilding a 12 gauge with bearded dragons on my head and my dick in the cold air
      769 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Naked and afraid
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    • Fireman gonna try to catch me slippin and get the gat instead
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    • Fool. Putting down your sword and armor at the same time? You deserved to be ambushed and culled
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    • I do Fire Alarm Inspections here in Texas. When I first started I would just open up rooms or apartments etc and walk in and test devices. I learned to announce myself regardless if it was Occupied or not when I walked in on old lady mid shit in a nursing home. She Buck ass naked...
      BFmj72 9 aug
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    • Mystican 9 aug
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    • My apartment forgot to tell me they gave me a new roommate. :) I sleep with a loaded shotgun next to my bed. You can imagine how bad it would have ended if I was home when he moved in, and you can imagine my face when I walked into my apartment after vacation to see a random dudes stuff there.
      Cazial 9 aug
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    • Similar ig happened to my mom where she was living in the same apartment building as a friend, anyway dude was showering when he heard screaming from the halls he grabs his towel peaks put and sees some dude bolting his way, not thing twice he grabs a replica sword and chases the dude all the way 1/
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    • Sharena 9 aug
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    • Yep this definitely happened, let's just ignore the...... all of it
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    • Dude steps in like what kinda skyrim.is for the nords bullshit is this
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    • 23 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • I don’t think this actually happened
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    • I sleep naked (this is relevant to the story). One morning, I was asleep and hungover, visiting my mom's house and in my room. She wanted to take me to breakfast, but was in the car and too lazy to wake me up for some fucking reason. So, my neighbor George's kids were out playing....(1/2)
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    • I thought someone was breaking in to my house once. I was at home alone and was asleep when my dog started barking at like 3:00am and I was on my feet I’m seconds. I heard the handle on my door jiggle so I grabbed a phone and a shotgun (I know it’s a bit excessive) and was ready to go. (1/2)
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    • Tf? Some dude has a sword instead of a gun?
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    • Where the fuck does OP live where the fire department can just waltz in anytime they feel like?
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    • That's what you call, a power move.
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    • My apartment keeps putting notices that they are coming to check the fire alarms between 9am and 1pm, and any occupants home at the time have to be awake and dressed... I work night shift, so I make a note and put it on the door telling them to come before 8, after 4, or deal with an asleep, (1/2)
      nuijyt1 10 aug
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    • You know it's fake fake he said "sleeping naked" and not "taking a nap naked" firemen don't come to check for alarms at 1am
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    • Y’all sleep naked? Is that comfy?
      ZoneFro 9 aug
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    • Much less interesting story, but I had some close calls while living at a Christian frat (my friend got me a good deal on leasing a room despite not being a part of the frat). They had several rules, relevantly including “no alcohol” and “no girls between 2am and 7am” (i.e. no overnight)... (1/?)
      _Yen 12 aug
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    • _Yen 12 aug
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    • Depending where you live I think you coils sue for not giving you a 24 hour notice. And the landlord would probably have to be with. Or else cops and firemen could just walk up to houses and walk in anytime
      NerdFAQs 9 aug
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    • Rome 2 Total war unit Naked Warrior, the Gauls are truly a wonderfully people
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    • My friend has a cavalry sword and a Mosin, God help anyone who breaks into his house
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    • NEKKED GRANDMA!
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    • I doubt it
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    • Why wouldn't they just knock tho?
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    • If anyone comes into my room while I sleep, they get 15 rounds of boolet meant to take out a bear
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    • He better show me a fucking warrant or he's still dying tonight.
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    • It freaks me the fuck out that theyll straight up walk in without knocking
      Kilonova 9 aug
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    • Nice one, cropping out the op. Very helpful.
      Buckey 9 aug
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    • So many lies in such little time
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    • Night gown sounds very feminine so I kinda like the idea of like a super buff female fighter attacking a fireman buck naked lol
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    • And then they fucked
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    • How can the fire department enter your home, and especially in the middle of the night?
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    • This shit faker than my wife's tits.
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    • Suuuure this happened
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    • Demo man vibes
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    • Jim Halpert: I hate minorities
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    • Quit lying, shitbag
      dandjman 9 aug
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    • I'd never sleep nakey
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    • This emanates my essence to a t
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    • psyop 9 aug
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    • That fireman sure got an eyeful. I mean... the person said they wear a nightgown so that was probably a woman writing that. I’m sure he was very delighted.
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    • These aren't memes. Im not reading shit on this app. I come here for haha funknee double digit IQ point posts.
      123Smitty 12 aug
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    • This is a fake story. Nighttime firefighters having a key to your house to check fire extinguishers don't exist. Also even if they did have a key. Knocking is the first thing they are supposed to do regardless. That would end in a hot lawsuit against the complex.
      OldSonGun 12 aug
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    • And then they fucked
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    • Discombobulate
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    • Shoulda swung both swords at him
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    • Fire department guy: Jokes on you I’m into that shit
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    • Ah the barbarian class. Truly breaking the meta
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    • Is it sad to say I’ve been the fireman in a situation like this
      Daddyjare 11 aug
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    • Who tf doesn't have a gun?
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    • They dont even knock?
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    • Sword? Fuck that I want a gun
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    • Almost passed this up
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    • Naked, but not afraid
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    • The fireman
      HeBoi 10 aug
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    • More stories like this plz
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    • Fair enough
      LarryD1 10 aug
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    • Funniest shit, one of my best friend's gangster boyfriend was doing some scandalous shit so her dad came out with 3 swords, he got the biggest one and gave the smaller 2 to me and her brother and we went to confront the guy, dude wasn't so gangster after he saw us lol
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    • Fireman saw a long sword and a short one too
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    • I couldn't care less what you're holding or wearing (or lack of wearing) the second i feel in danger im gonna defend myself, not lose my mind because i see some tits or a dick. Fucking stupid shit
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    • It was a joke you pussy unblock me @fuck_you_im_gay
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    • As a firefighter I can guarantee you that that was no where near the strangest thing that man has seen in his career
      Unit_420 10 aug
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    • Why would a fire inspector not knock?
      lacaras21 10 aug
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    • 🐡🥕 augh
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    • Nothing but NVGs, an AR, and my dick swinging. Let's fucking go.
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    • Bruh
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    • Lucky it's just a sword. Fucking Mozambique can't say sorry.
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    • Now why the duck would you live somewhere you only have a sword and no gun
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    • Scubagirl11 Santo_NotASaint IzzyBizzyNizzy sounds like something I'd do.....
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    • I'm pretty sure I read this trope in a fanfiction
      slyfoxx21 10 aug
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    • Mhm, sure
      HeavyBoi 10 aug
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    • This person has a sword!!
      SPKelly 10 aug
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    • Fire department is not law enforcement and has no business inspecting anything.
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    • See. Why use guns when you can be naked with sword?
      TheScoot 10 aug
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    • Doubt
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    • Apartment managers have no respect for privacy. They walked into me eating my GF out in our bedroom. The next time they came through the front without knocking, I walked out naked and told them to fuck off.
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    • This sounds like a weird plot for a porno.
      Syllee 9 aug
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    • Once they walked into our bedroom while I was eating her out. The next time I heard them come through the front and I walked out of our bedroom naked because I was pissed they didn't knock for the second time. They were just the managers or whatever. Never got to the bottom of what they wanted.
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    • Dagger dangling, sword in hand, a true hero in all aspects
      Kan1x 9 aug
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    • Thanks travis touchdown very cool
      witchh 9 aug
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    • Entry without notice is unlawful.
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    • I once very nearly blew away the apartment's maintenance guy because they gave no notice that they were entering that day and I was napping.
      tadhp91 9 aug
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    • I wouldn’t have apologized bitch you came into my house obviously I’m gonna be naked playing with my sword
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    • Isn’t that just the plot to Beowulf?
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    • Imagine being that fireman though. Irritated as shit that it's your turn to check fire extinguishers and then suddenly a naked chick is trying to decapitate you
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    • I caught a glimpse of a man walking around my house, boy was he surprised when met him with a shotgun after i slipped out the back and went to find him. Was from water company, said our remote reader needed replacement, i suggested calling ahead or introducing himself at the door first next time
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    • Reminds me of those warriors who’d fight naked to throw of their enemies in combat. Who were they again?
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    • Something about that first sentence bothers me. I don't know why 🧐
      montigeo 9 aug
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    • Naked lady
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    • And that kids, is how I met your father
      ShyEevee 9 aug
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    • sending firemen into people's houses randomly is a good way to end up with a lot of dead firemen (because they were shot dead by terrified homeowners)
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    • This is why I always carry a throwing axe under my pillow and sleep with nothing on gets them every time
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