• My toaster caught on fire yesterday and when I
realized it there was a flame like two feet high
almost touching my cabinets so I panicked and
picked it up so it wouldn't catch my cabinets on
fire but then I was just standing in my kitchen
holding a flaming toaster and my dad saw me and
didn't say anything and I didn't know what to do so
I ran outside with it and threw it at the ground but
it was on fire so I picked it up and threw it again
and again until it went out but then my grass was
on fire so I beat it with a shovel until that went out
too. Then I came back inside and my dad was just
like
"Whatcha cookin Barb"
This just makes me happy.
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  • 667 comments

    • See people are gonna say this is fake but I honestly completely believe it. I’ve seen some truly dumb shit happen in the kitchen before
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    • How do you fuck up using a toaster
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    • The man raised you to not crumble under pressure, just wanted to see how you would do when the time came, he might not say it but he’s proud
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    • That first sentence was a humdinger!
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    • That man gave no fucks
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    • “Are ya winnin, barb?”
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    • Me hoping she breaks more shit
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    • Maybe I’ll call you Barb-eque
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    • The first novel in the world ended mid-sentence. The Tale of Genji, written by Murasaki Shikibu in the 11th century, is the world’s oldest novel. Towards the end of 54 chapters, the story is stopped abruptly mid-sentence. Some translators believe the work is complete and intended to end that way, bu
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    • Ok this made me realize 95% of us would not survive in a survival situation
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    • She talks the way she types guarantee it. Her dad is defeated.
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    • Step dad help. The toaster is on fire and I'm SUPER horny
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    • This sounds like something that would happen in SIMs
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    • I feel like the fact the first sentence being so long with no pauses actually helps tell the story better. It’s long but you can feel the actual panic in the situation as there is no breaks to stop it just keeps going making it feel it more. Then the only break is before the punchline is perfect
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    • I’m honestly surprised this isn’t in all caps. It’s nice..
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    • Heeyyyy baarrb get mr leheys drunk ass away from me and frig off
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    • That’s nothin. A few years ago I was over a friends house and his girlfriend was cooking us all dinner. Somehow she caught one of her dish drying towels on fire. So she ran around panicked and finally threw it outside and stomped it out. When I asked her why she didn’t just put it in the sink right
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    • I want this to be real but if the flame was that high wouldnt the toaster be too hot to touch let alone hold?
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    • Lmao my friend Scott lit his kitchen on fire trying to make mac and cheese
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    • when i caught my microwave on fire i yelled for my mom who was in the living room and i watched as she slowly declined her chair and causally walked over to me while i was full on panicking
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    • U gotta love how nonchalant dads are abt shit like this
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    • How high are your cabinets that the toaster under them could have a 2 foot flame above the toaster itself....
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    • I’ll take shit that didn’t happen for 400 Alex
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    • You could throw it in the sink
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    • Who else ran out of breath reading that sentence in your head?
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    • I had a kid in my cooking class(second semester of it, I might add) who legitimately thought that the flour was margarine
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    • one time i was trying to make puffed rice at home, and not knowing how to properly handle hot oil i accidentally made it spill over when i added the rice. so basically i had a 2-3 foot high fire in my kitchen just RAGING. i was like "shit". i went to cover it with a blanket to smother it but i (1/2)
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    • Remember kids, cut the power to Electrical fires, THEN treat it like whatever material of fire it is
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    • those toasters are tricky
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    • I think we're immune to invasion because any country that invades us will see shit like this, turn around, and leave as to prevent the stupidity from getting into their gene pool
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    • Only way that I can assume their toaster caught fire was because they never clean the crumbs out of it, and used it so much that they built up a ridiculous amount of crumbs.
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    • I believe it's real because one time I was making toast at 4 am and managed to drop my toast and it fell underneath the tray of the oven and apparently the metal bar was just hot enough to catch on fire 1/2
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    • You could use a few of these: ...............
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    • That name is still 100% legible
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    • This is how serious fires start. Don’t loose your shit and act like a tard. Get the fire extinguisher and put the fire out. It’s not hard.
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    • put a magazine in it & push dwn = fire
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    • How about just set it in the sink?
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    • One time my dad left the pan on and a grease fire happened and his first instinct was to chuck it out the window into our pool...
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    • I’m just wondering how she picked it up and stood there with it when it had “2 foot flames”
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    • Grass can’t catch fire
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    • Where's the punctuation?!
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    • As a man I can tell you he was watching to see what youd do so he knows if he needs to inform you on what to do if he's not home
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    • She's a dumb shit. And her dad clearly gave his last fuck years ago
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    • Goddammit Barb!
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    • Quirky
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    • tl;dr stupid attention whore stfu
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    • woman moment
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    • Why didn’t u just unplug it and stick it in the sink
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    • Goddammit barb!
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    • I read “watch a cookin barb?” in Mr. Layhee’s voice did anyone else? 😂
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    • Mu fucking idiot of an ex set something on fire in the oven and instead of leaving it in the Giant metal box that contains heat..she takes it out and carries the flaming pan through the house to me. So i blow it out...
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    • Maybe half of that happened
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    • My toaster did that as well. We thee it in the oven and left it there over night.
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    • Unplug the toaster, put it in the sink, drown that shit in some tap water. Why tf did you take it outside onto grass?
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    • "What's cooking, toots?"
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    • The toaster
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    • I just fucking lost itmao
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    • Unplug than sink
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    • Seeing as she’s a white teenage women, this is probably true.
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    • Someone kept rolling 1s...
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    • Could really go for seeing a new meme
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    • How do you fuck up this hard with a run on sentence holy shit some people need middle school ela lmfao
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    • I don’t believe you..... just cringe to read
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    • That was so drawn out that it got boring half way through.
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    • The secret ingredient was crime
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    • "Oh, you know, just the whole damn toaster"
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    • And the toaster wasn’t hot?
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    • Not the best way of handling that but good instincts under pressure. For record salt can be used to put out small kitchen fires, especially oil fires, (takes alot though) so keeping an extra canister or two is a good idea.
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    • Anyone else read this as a story from Barbara Dunkelman lmao, I can totally see her doing this 😂😂
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    • How u make a roster light on fire
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    • ...firefighters nightmare.
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    • I fully expected the comment section to get sexist as hell
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    • One time I was making marinate for my steak out of jack daniels and brown sugar on a frying pan and long story short I wound up just holding a full-on alcohol fire in my kitchen trying to figure out what to do without ruining my marinate so I just blew it out.
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    • That is the most dad thing I've ever seen
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    • I was in cooking class in hs and this group actually managed to catch their pasta on fire. They were still boiling the water which is the crazy part. The teacher was dumbfounded. She was also a bitch tho.has nothing to do with the story just wanted to let y'all know. She was a bitch.
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    • Or maybe get better appliences
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    • If you wanted his full attention you should’ve just touched the thermostat
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    • That was Wild from start to end
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    • How high are her cabinets if the 2 foot flame aaaalmost touched them?
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    • What is punctuation
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    • You may be autistic
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    • *sets toaster in sink and turns on the faucet*
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    • I doubt your grass caught on fire
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    • Barbra started the FIRYAH.
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    • How fucking black do you want your toast?
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    • Man who understands u
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    • Wow dad humor. 👍 it is still funny 45 years shut the fuck up later you dumb cunt.
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    • My house burned down last month. I lost everything
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    • I wish I had a dad😔
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    • My mom tried to heat up taco shells in the toaster oven and who knew they're essentially gasonline-soaked pieces of paper ha ha
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    • Baking soda bruh. For electrical fires
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    • Some women dont belong in the kitchen
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    • Certified Barbara moment
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    • Toaster charger
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    • “Are ya cookin’, Barb?”
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    • Almost burned my house down when I was cooking bacon, the pan caught fire and right as I was making my way to the sink I blew on the pan and put the flames out
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    • Do people just not know what a fire extinguisher is?
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