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    • Chief waiting for Cortana to jack him off while he massacres the covenant
      BigThonk 2 apr
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    • Post nut clarity before battle, wise move.
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    • Imagine watching your friend die in battle and suddenly your suit starts to suck your dick
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    • This will never die. This is revolvers legacy
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    • Master chief: hey guys how’s it *bust nut* UGHYghughuggg
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    • So there's a possibility that any Spartan 2 at any time could be sexually stimulated by his or her suit? And we all thought chief never took off the suit because he liked fighting...
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    • Its only gonna turn him on, not finish him off. Its made to boost testosterone, but that will be released if he ejaculates. The secret to being as good as master chief is to having a raging boner the entire time you commit mass genocide
      Jaggs 2 apr
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    • Spartans sex drives are intentionally reduced to nonexistent
      Warhawk10 31 mar
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    • This is the movie we should have gotten instead of District 9.
      Hanoi 31 mar
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    • “Sir, giving the covenant back their-mmgnh, ugh, bomb, sir.”
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    • So that's why people always camp in halo
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    • Chief had Cortana in the suit. She could control some parts of the suit. She technically could've gave him handjobs
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    • Hrrnnnng, Cortana, I'm trying to fight the covenant, but the sexual stimulant has malfunctioned and wont stop
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    • Imagine Master Chief just twitched a bit in the middle of an important ass cutscene
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    • “Master Chief, do you mind telling me what you’re doing aboard that ship” “Sir, finishing”
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    • That's why he yells when he falls off a cliff, his last memory is gonna be a good one
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    • Doesn’t Cortana control suit functions though? Meaning he does, in a sense, fuck Cortana
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    • Was this written by J.K Rowling
      kps1110 3 apr
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    • Fun fact, that book page was faked by a now gone iFunnier named @Pistol, it’s not real.
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    • Can you imagine master chief crushing grunts with his toes while busting a nut.
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    • All waste produced by spartans Is repurposed by the armor into protein bars so I am now allowing you all to share my anguish
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    • So does this mean everytime Masterchief's health and shield go back up he's getting blown by his suit?
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    • Imagine you are in a scorpion tank on your way to battle and you CO tells you "I am going to make sure you are 100% focused on the battle" and then your suit starts jacking you off
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    • This could be a potential red vs blue joke if we send it to rooster teeth
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    • "reduce combat stress" yo how many times do you think he came when he was captured by gravemind
      Blopp 2 apr
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    • “Cortana, I can’t kill covenant with my rock hard raging cock throbbing against the chasity belt of a fucking suit!”😤😤😈😈
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    • This literally will never die, good job revolver
      GamesEdit 31 mar
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    • how does cortana get any enjoyment out of jerking off a guy in a suit
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    • Classic me
      Revolver 31 mar
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    • Jk Rowling is about to add this to Harry potter
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    • Imagine how the suit disposes the nut. Like he's ripping up elites as nut seeps through his suit.
      h4h4h4 7 apr
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    • Imagine being in a stressful stealth mission and a guard hears a Bush moan orgasmically.
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    • Master Chief invented post nut clarity ages before anyone caught onto it
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    • That's why he doesn't take off the suit it all makes sense now
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    • All those cut scenes where people are talking and chief is staring out into the distance 😂
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    • This puts Halo in a whole new light. Just imagine, Master Chief just fighting through waves of aliens, all the while he's being jacked
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    • They rarely use it due to the fact that the spartan II augmentation process kills almost all sex drive bc if not then the candidates would constantly be fucking each other due to the Uber accelerated hormones they received to speed up their aging process
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    • *Spartan dying from bloodless on the battlefield* "One more wank before I go."
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    • Do you think it massages his asshole too
      bengi 3 apr
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    • Sounds like Cortana fucks Master Chief
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    • so you're telling me if you are suffering from combat stress, your suit jerks your off? i imagine it'd go something like this: "Cortana..." -- "--would you like me to jack you off?" -- "......." --- *suction sounds reverberating from within chiefs helmet*
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    • So.... Female Spartans have a vibe in thier pussy and male Spartans got a flesh light around thier dick 24/7?
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    • Just imagine your fighting aliens and then you have to stop to bust the fattest nut
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    • Chief goes into every fight with post nut clarity
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    • HRRRNG CORTANA IM TRYING TO SNEAK AROUND BUT MY ORGASMS KEEP ALERTING THE COVENANT!
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    • Fucking while in war must feel pretty badass
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    • I read the halo books. I don't remember this and I feel like I would've remembered this
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    • He makes that nut moan every time he falls to his death
      GodSpeed 4 apr
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    • Imagine almost being killed by master chief and he just completely nuts in front of you
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    • Source? I’ve read all the halo novels, especially “The Fall of Reach” by Eric Nylund which covers boot camp and the introduction of the suits and Cortana, and that’s not in there.
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    • Well I mean, Cortana is in the suit, so...
      Thancred 3 apr
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    • Spyro_ 3 apr
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    • Imagine having to walk around with cum in your armor
      9
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    • But the chemicals kill their sex drive so it doesn’t matter
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    • Honestly I'm not sure how a Spartans sexual interest would be. kidnapped at 6 and taught nothing but training, tactics and anything related to succeeding in combat for years well into their teens. Then they get put in this big ass machine and carved on only to hear "Guess what. Aliens. Fight now"
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    • So is that how he regenerates health?
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    • Master chiefs suit canonically allows him to piss his pants, even shit and cum
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    • I’m not sure if Halo lore has gone too far or if everyone else’s lore just hasn’t gone far enough
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    • Forget sleeping in your own filth, imagine running 3 marathons and gunning down 500 living things in the past 3 days of crust. No wonder he don't take fall damage, his legs and boots have a padded layer.
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    • Idk much about halo, but if there's a female spartan, would it just be an extrable dildo that just extends at random times?
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    • Where does the cum go does he just sit in his filth
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    • the suit doesnt jerk you off it keeps the dopamine levels in the sexually active part of the brain stimulized so they never feel the need to mate. Side note: this is only spartan II mjolner armor, spartan 3 & 4 armor doesn't have this feature. Suit also reuses piss for water & a suit coolant 💁🏻
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    • But isn’t Cortana’s chip in the back of his helmet thus making her part of the suit? So that would mean...
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    • This... changes things... I don't know how it will affect me when playing Halo in the future, but it does... change things
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    • At first I read “Master Chef fucks Cortana” and I was like wow that master chef lore goes deep
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    • I still think Master Chief has fucked Cortana at least once.
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    • This is fake, lol. I've read Fall of Reach tons of times and the only mention to their sex drives is that the augmentations kill their sex drives 😄
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    • Technically that means Cortana jacks him off
      8
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    • No it makes a stimulant and during their augmentation the "doctors" took out their sexual drive from their heads so they are not attracted to anyone or anything
      8
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    • Maybe that's why he's got that quiet collected demeanor, he's just constantly nutting
      8
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    • Sounds like something jk rowling would make up if she wrote halo
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    • I love that this is a hoax that was started by a user on this app
      Shiza 2 apr
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    • "So no head" kills the covenant
      8
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    • No wonder chief wants her back
      8
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    • If you think about it, Cortana is inside his suit most of the time. So imagine that.
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    • I wonder if Six was going at it after he got stabbed and the planet was getting glassed
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    • Am I the only dyslexic bitch that read “Master chef fucks Cortana”?
      8
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    • Master Chief's secret is post nut clarity
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    • Well that explains why he’s never stressed in combat.....
      8
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    • This is fake. However, the ODST who decides it was his destiny to fuck a Spartan was not.
      8
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    • Not this shit again
      theSkeev 2 apr
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    • Well cortana will just activate the vibrator and use the visor to creat an augmented reality style of her body while applying the jell to creat pressure as if it were real
      tajem 2 apr
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    • Still people who believe this. Don't really care but it's funny.
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    • This is like a jk rowling kind of detail
      7
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    • Imagine Cortana controls it. So she’s like you seem stressed chief imma suck yo dick. And chief is like bet. Then boom she starts the dirty talk while the suit starts the succ
      7
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    • Now we know why the helmet never comes off...
      7
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    • So basically when he uploaded Cortana into his suit Shae could be in control of that function essentially fuckin Master Chief
      7
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    • So it just jacks him off during combat
      7
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    • “I -ughn- need a -doh fuck- weapon...”
      7
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    • So if Cortana was synced with chiefs suit, she and chief could “technically” fuck
      Tech64 4 apr
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