How I sleep knowing that I'll be spending Valentine's Day alone but at least I got this weighted blanket
AFloridian AFloridian
11 feb
How I sleep knowing that I'll be spending Valentine's Day alone but at least I got this weighted blanket
le Cunningham
today at the airport one of the drug dogs set off a false alarm and officers rushed over to find out the dog had alerted them for a piece of pizza. the handler just patted his head and goes
"it's okay buddy i know pizza always confuses you" and gave him his treat anyways
Luigi_Official_ Luigi_Official_
24 sep 2020
le Cunningham today at the airport one of the drug dogs set off a false alarm and officers rushed over to find out the dog had alerted them for a piece of pizza. the handler just patted his head and goes "it's okay buddy i know pizza always confuses you" and gave him his treat anyways
U.S Government: We given you S600
Me: you said $1200
U.s Government:
I said we given you
just_a_little_sus just_a_little_sus
23 dec 2020
U.S Government: We given you S600 Me: you said $1200 U.s Government: I said we given you
When you let your friend try to unlock your phone and they almost get the password right on the first try.
When you let your friend try to unlock your phone and they almost get the password right on the first try.
Mom Metal is just a phase, honey.
You will grow out of it..."
Me :(80 years later.
1776ulfhethnar 1776ulfhethnar
18 dec 2020
Mom Metal is just a phase, honey. You will grow out of it..." Me :(80 years later.
giving your gym fake bad reviews so it's
less crowded
@stoic lifte
Modern problems require modern solutions
giving your gym fake bad reviews so it's less crowded @stoic lifte Modern problems require modern solutions
GrouchoMarks GrouchoMarks
25 sep 2020
Tony Rigatoni My goose thinks he's a dog and has been barking at me...
"How many hoes you got?"
Me:
Intoxicating Intoxicating
26 feb
"How many hoes you got?" Me:
'Okay no. Fucking no. You think your sandwich is cute with peanut butter and jelly heats, fucker? Well you'l
'change your mind once you put it together and try to eat
First you'll get a mouthtul of just bread and
<isappointment, then when you take another bite your
'mouth will be assauited by the copious amounts of sticky peanut butter and sugary jelly and there won't be
'enough bread to save you from it. A sandwich lke that is
\hat failure tastes fke. The pb and j may be shaped like hearts but there's no love in that sandwich. I's about balance, Life needs balance, and so does your fucking
'sandwich. You disgust me. Don't tak to me until you know how to make a proper sandwich.
BO
288,532 note:
Darkwolf244 Darkwolf244
27 sep 2020
'Okay no. Fucking no. You think your sandwich is cute with peanut butter and jelly heats, fucker? Well you'l 'change your mind once you put it together and try to eat First you'll get a mouthtul of just bread and <isappointment, then when you take another bite your 'mouth will be assauited by the copious amounts of sticky peanut butter and sugary jelly and there won't be 'enough bread to save you from it. A sandwich lke that is \hat failure tastes fke. The pb and j may be shaped like hearts but there's no love in that sandwich. I's about balance, Life needs balance, and so does your fucking 'sandwich. You disgust me. Don't tak to me until you know how to make a proper sandwich. BO 288,532 note:
ts that what happens though, seriously?
You just get bored of us one day and disappear?,
Not if you're blonde.' I
Oh, she was blonde!
*Oh, what a 'surprise!
DoctorPines DoctorPines
24 sep 2020
ts that what happens though, seriously? You just get bored of us one day and disappear?, Not if you're blonde.' I Oh, she was blonde! *Oh, what a 'surprise!
Ready to play with balls!
cheekygreentext69 cheekygreentext69
25 jun
Ready to play with balls!
when mom said quit making that face or it'll stay that way but you didn't listen
this_app_blows this_app_blows
3 nov 2020
when mom said quit making that face or it'll stay that way but you didn't listen
Getting my nephew drunk
I'm Of FUNCLE "myself
ArrantInsanity ArrantInsanity
26 dec 2020
Getting my nephew drunk I'm Of FUNCLE "myself
factory factory
26 sep 2020
TikTok @bia The bird was lit lit Tha cage dance
This man is living the dream. Relaxing with a hot companion while getting a nice cold beer. Too bad that is is all a dream. It could be a real if it was not for that damn Godzilla.
grandmasbootycheeks4 grandmasbootycheeks4
19 dec 2020
This man is living the dream. Relaxing with a hot companion while getting a nice cold beer. Too bad that is is all a dream. It could be a real if it was not for that damn Godzilla.
When you see Superman using the car you're still making payments on as a weapon:
AriesL AriesL
27 jan 2021
When you see Superman using the car you're still making payments on as a weapon:
When classes are now online and that one girl's grades drop from A to D
Tabby Tabby
1 nov 2020
When classes are now online and that one girl's grades drop from A to D
We love them now,
But they were the ones who saw us grow
Cheechy Cheechy
26 sep 2020
We love them now, But they were the ones who saw us grow