• If you pay me
$50 I'll show up to your
funeral but stand really far away,
holding a black umbrella regardless of
the weather, so that people think you
died with a dark and interesting secret.
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  • 798 comments

    • And how the fuck would I know u showed up
      joeygsi 22 jul
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    • And mirrored sunglasses.
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    • 49.99$ or nothing
      BangoTrue 21 jul
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    • Ill show up drunk and scream "YOU BASTARD WE HAD A DEAL" and naruto run out of there
      Tobi133 22 jul
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    • Paying $50 so at least one person shows up to my funeral
      Apevia 22 jul
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    • fuck that, I'm paying a group of people to dress like cultists and mingle with the rest of the crowd ominously
      leeches 22 jul
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    • If I pay $50 more will you walk up during the showing and place a single uno card on my chest
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    • I wanna become some like top criminal and get into a sh00t out with cops and as I die I want to say some ominous shit. Just to fuck with the cops for a while.
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    • If you aren't in a black suit wearing sunglasses regardless of the weather then I don't want you there.
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    • i’ll pay 100 if you start crying and make it noticeable then when people see you you run away.
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    • That'll make you memorable
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    • I’d pay a single mother $100 to go to a random man’s funeral with her child and just start bawling.
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    • I'd rather pay a crackhead $50 for them to jump in the grave as they're lowering me in and scream, "YOU STILL OWE ME, BITCH!"
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    • I'll give you 150 rent a limo and just pull up, roll the window down, gaze for a few moments then leave the moment someone ask.
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    • I’d hire three people, give them Thomas Crown type instructions and hopefully havoc ensues
      jibjab 22 jul
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    • So do you have to pay in advance or how’s that work
      Garrett78 22 jul
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    • Nah bitch I cashapp you $50 then you never show up 🙄
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    • Ok, but you’re gonna feel pretty stupid when you’re basically the only person there
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    • I'll pay lol, that's hilarious
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    • grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac
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    • I have my mistress for that.
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    • I'm hiring a fake lawyer to read my "will" and tell my family they will be receiving my secret 40 billion dollar fortune amd then at the end it will read "sike".
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    • I’d pay like five people to dress as k lansmen just to mingle with the crowd casually.
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    • It has to be an old black man tho for me at least
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    • Fritzor 22 jul
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    • I'll pay you $100 to do it wearing a realistic grim reaper custome and syth
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    • Pay me 20 bucks and I’ll show up and whisper “You really have them fooled huh”
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    • Me and my cousin have already made a pact with another friend that if he dies we show up to his funeral dressed like men in black and stand in the back of the funeral parlor throughout the whole thing. We’ve never met his family😂
      j_lex1 23 jul
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    • I'll do it for 20. Must pay in advance. You can go ahead and send me the money, no other info needed, I'll get you dont worry
      tweb 24 jul
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    • How about, $75 for a blowjob?
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    • I’d pay 1000 if you get a limo rental and some fake bodyguards to make it look like some secret agency shit
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    • Yeah i don’t want Dana Schwartz at my wedding
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    • How Do Ppl... Like Uphold This? Are They Always Checking If You're Still Alive Or What?!
      4Pep 22 jul
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    • That’s a great way to get paid and never actually show up
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    • That is more than worth $50
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    • Bet
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    • i’d do it for free
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    • You’re gonna have to pay a lot more than 50 dollars for me to suit up and prepare to go to a funeral
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    • I would want someone to dress as the grim reaper and stand at a distance just pointing at people.
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    • You're getting paid?
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    • What if she dies before me?
      Cr1tikal 22 jul
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    • Or you cheated and the lover can’t come closer.
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    • And then it rains
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    • even better the 103913818th time
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    • Don't forget the smoke pipe that has bubbles instead of smoke
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    • But I have a dark, dark secret
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    • I'll show us as Colonel Mustang, in uniform, and say "it's a terrible day for rain"
      Grivaxyn 22 jul
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    • This hasn't been featured in a couple months, surprised it took that long to make it back
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    • That would actually be kinda cool
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    • How am I gonna pay her if I’m dead
      Osallo 23 jul
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    • I'm gonna pay 1000 so you have to get yourself and nineteen others making me seem like a very suspicious ass person
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    • Shit pay me 50 and I'll stand in the distance, half in view dressed as the grim reaper with a smoke machine under my cloak, hell if you find your doppelganger I'll make them look like spooky you
      gruflz 22 jul
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    • Only if your in a red dress with red lipstick and a black umbrella. Really make them wonder
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    • Ill pay for someone to come to my funeral dressed as FBI and make sure that im dead
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    • I’ll take one
      fuquan28 22 jul
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    • Putting in my will that upon my d3ath you are to be paid $50 and that no member of my family are to read the contents of my will
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    • Yes Dana, because you’re really edgy and interesting..
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    • I’d rather you dress up as the grim reaper
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    • No head?
      oohhimark 23 jul
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    • That be cool
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    • Now it's just whether you die before me or not
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    • I'll pay you after the job is done.
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    • How am I suppose to pay you if I'm dead?
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    • $50 well spent
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    • Nobody wants that, how they gonna see the drama then
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    • I would actually pay for that. That’s awesome
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    • Thank you
      vToTv 23 jul
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    • I’d want it. set up so she’s paid after.
      maxipoo 23 jul
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    • Actually I’m going to hire a group of tall strong men dressed in all black to pick up my casket before I’m buried and haul it away
      Gabagool 23 jul
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    • I’ll give you 69.00$ and you tell ppl you came from hell
      JJ_33 23 jul
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    • Drive a wooden stake into my heart, look up and say "It is done " then run out of the church.
      jpmedic65 23 jul
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    • Haha that would be cool
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    • Use the Shwartz luke
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    • Naw, she’ll just look like my side hoe
      hazedsix 23 jul
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    • No people will think your his mistress and taint his memory
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    • dgman926 24 jul
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    • 50 dollars, bitch id do it for free, as long as I get permission to throw a pizza in your grave make it even more of a mystery
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    • How the fuck would I pay you
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    • Nobodys gonna think anything other than who u are they arent gonna think your some secret bullshit or whatever
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    • Bet say no more
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    • Can I pay you after the funeral?
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    • Can i pay you in payments ??
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    • Bet
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    • My moms gonna wanna know who the fuck you are
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    • *smacks invest button*
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    • Hired
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    • I would do that but have the lawyer say they are ungrateful and deserve nothing and that I'm donating it all
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    • Do that and people well think I sold my soul
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    • Ho do i know she showed up?
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    • How would i know if u actually went im gonna be dead
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    • Oversized black plastic shades with a single red rose and you got yourself a deal
      Fuggity 25 jul
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    • Only 50
      derp252 25 jul
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    • 50 bucks, I'll show and yeet the body
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    • I don't need to pay anyone $50. I'm quite sure I'll have a least a half dozen people doing that shit at my funeral for free.
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    • Fun fact: we have evidence of ancient Akkadian royals doing just that. It was a regular practice to hire professional mourners to make them look more important in death. History repeats itself
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    • Now how am I gonna know you’re going to follow through with it? I ain’t giving ya no 50 dolla fo free
      Myguy88 25 jul
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    • 10th time featured
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    • Ill pay you 150 to push through the crowd and scream "WHERE IS MY SON, ASSHOLE!" Then leave.... Did I kidnap timmy? Are you just crazy? Who knows? They wont.
      Gomjspx 25 jul
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    • If you pay me $50 I’ll stop complaining everytime I see this post
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