• Me, chewing on my Bad Decisions™ Bagel in
the corner:
The Universe: What's that in your mouth?
Me, chewing faster:
The Universe: I said, WHAT THE FUCK IS IN
YOUR MOUTH
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  • 1149 comments

    • My dog ate 3 pounds of fudge and don't even throw up, we locked her in the bathroom so the puke would be easier to clean, but she just got pissed of and ate the doorhandle
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    • It's dark chocolate or baker's chocolate that will fuck your dog up. Small amounts of chocolate will not make them feel well, but it won't get them very sick. Still, it isn't a good idea
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    • They have gone so far from religion that they have started to wrap around again
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    • Just say God bro
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    • Y'know, I'm fine with saying 'the universe' if you're agnostic. Not everyone knows what they believe, most people want to believe in something but it can be hard to choose when so many religions scream that they are the only way and everything else leads to pain and suffering
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    • Idk why y’all are so sensitive about “universe.” You’re allowed to believe in a higher power without believing in god per say. Like I believe there’s something up there. Maybe it’s god. Maybe it’s a god from another religion. I don’t know. And I don’t pretend to know.
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    • Everyone here got so triggered by someone saying the universe instead of god
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    • Tumblr will promote Christian ideals so long as they think its not Christian
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    • Why are atheists obsessed with saying “the universe” instead of God when taking about things beyond their comprehension? She’s clearly admitting that she thinks there’s a higher power with her best interest in mind, yet still denies God. It’s unreal.
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    • I fucking love all the butthurt Christians lol
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    • People who think the universe itself is somehow conscious and watching over them but dont believe in god blow my fucking mind
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    • This is a fundamental idea of Christianity.
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    • Holy shit you bible thumpers really can't stand the idea of someone not believing in your book, can you? The idea of your god comes with rules, innate purpose, and a creation story. The idea of a simply benign universe does not. I don't believe in either but even I recognize they're not the same.
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    • God, Allah any other God idc just pick one and stop saying "the universe" like some kind of fucking nerd
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    • God really do be like that
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    • "the universe" you mean God? You're talking about God but you just don't want to say the word God
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    • The fact that spirituality or belief in a higher power other than the Christian God is apparently enough to trigger all you snowflakes in the comment section is fucking hilarious
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    • Literally what god told adam and eve
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    • All these people are saying "just say god" or "you mean god?", like no bitch, let us say universe, it's no more bullshit than your belief in god
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    • This app just mutated into a religious-political app
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    • Christian rage goin hard in the comments
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    • Fuck off Christians, you're making me hate your religion with you dumbasses shoving my throat down with damn "why not just say God" words. And I am typing this while choking on some ramen, feels horrible yo.
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    • You can call it the universe, you can call it God, you could call it fate, or even the guardian flying spaghetti monster. For the purposes of this post, the title is irrelevant. Let people call it what they want to call it as long as the meaning/intent is conveyed.
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    • I was fully ready to tear this apart, but honestly it's not bad without the comments
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    • Bro don’t be obscene, dogs can’t digest theobromine (the title to my chemistry rap junior year. I was the only one who got a 100 on the project and it bumped me from a C minus to a B
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    • For all those not able to comprehend why someone would say universe instead of the god of your choice, the universe itself being sentient is more rational than a figment of homo sapiens imagination. We relate to the gods we make, and we make them look like us. The universe is a very big place.
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    • I hate when “poets” write what is essentially a blog post, break it up into lines and call it a poem
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    • Ya'll really pressed over how they represent the cosmic voice? It's a word
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    • They actually can have chocolate just in small amounts, the only reason it makes them sick is because their stomachs cant break it down but if they eat small amounts it would be fine, like the peanut butter chocolate chip bagel as long as they didnt eat they whole thing they would be fine
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    • Tbh I think the universe thinks like this. I’ve been wanting to get a motorcycle for a while now and every time I get the chance something happens, last couple weekends I got called into work so I went in, weekend after those I had off and I was planning on getting my license but the class was-
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    • Fellas, what do yall think the universe/god should be refered as. Male, Female, or them.
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    • Lol I guess having a dad woulda ruined me smh
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    • Why are people getting butthurt when you say universe. You can actaully fucking see the universe that surrounds our galaxy. It's more proof than any religion has had. I think it's simple. Nothing beats seeing.
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    • The universe is definitely a woman guys, cold, empty and unforgiving. Don’t fight it 😅
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    • My dog used to steal a bag full of Halloween candy every year. Never got sick, lived to 13 (pretty average for a chocolate lab)
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    • The comments here seem pretty dumb. This isn't just a christian perspective and it seems to encourage others to share a similar idea, don't be a dick about it. I know I have the same hope
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    • You must think the universe cares about you.
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    • Ah yes wish that would have happened with me and heroin but here we are
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    • Why do people get mad about saying universe vs god. I mean at the end of the day they could be argued to be the same thing depending on what you believe. Do you think god is a mystical being or something equally absurd?
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    • If your pet wants food and you can’t resist not giving it to them but it’s unhealthy try sneaking a pickle into it. 9 times out of 10 they’ll just spit it out and never ask for it again
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    • My dog ate a pound of chocolate and a pound of butter and was fine. Didn’t even puke.
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    • What gets me the most is that trademark symbol, who's trademarking just "bad decisions" or does the person somehow not understand it should go after bagel?
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    • Okay so I'm Christian and while reading this all that came to my mind was some guy in a polo sweater eating that donut and some mystical fairy goddess like being chasing him going WHAT THE FUCK IS IN YOUR MOUTH and I absolutely died, I love god but shoving my ideas of him onto everybody isnt right
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    • Credit to the poet: Blythe Baird
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    • Its cum mister univese....its cum
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    • This is acceptable
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    • you can give her a bite it won't hurt her just not a lot of chocolate
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    • I had a dog that loved Dr pepper and Reese's peanut butter. No matter how hard I'd try to keep them away, the dog would manage to find them
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    • People on Tumblr are wack. Some of them think they're witches. This is one of the less wack things.
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    • This is the funniest fucking thing I've read
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    • Imagine saying the universe and then calling it female as if a fucking inanimate object can have a gender. Couldnt be me
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    • Lol they praise the Universe, but I choose to believe and worship the One who CREATED the universe! Thank you, God for taking care of me
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    • God
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    • "The universe" you mean God
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    • Like this comment if we should start kiIIing pagans again.
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    • Universe is a universal way of saying "God" because sensible people don't force their views on people like Christians
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    • This is literally what God does
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    • Referring to the universe instead of a god makes the message relatable to anyone. Interpret it how you like and stop worrying about what other people might believe.
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    • *God, aka Yaweh
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    • God*
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    • Are we calling God “The Universe” now to be hip and nonconformist
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    • People saying "the universe" instead of God are just plain annoying.
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    • Replace "Universe" with "God" and thats the reason why 80% of atheists don't believe. "If God real why everything I want not there!"
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    • Niggas really can't just say God, huh? "Universe" is good though, got it
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    • "The universe" "herself" my nigga it's a place there's no gender you absolute retard
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    • Come and join Vappy's Aquarium! This server is a furry discord server, though, everyone is allowed to join! If you want to join, the vanity code is fQUncF3. We are looking for new members!
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    • The "universe" is not a female. Just say God.
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    • I see like 10 “fuck off cjristians” statements and not a single one being butthurt or bringing it up.
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    • Damn some binary thinking in here
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    • Jesus christ you butthurt little christians....does any even stop to consider that this is a hyperbole and just meant to be enjoyed rather than have you lose your shit because someone doesn't follow your beliefs? Get the God-rod out of your ass and loosen up
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    • Please, for the love of God, people...Do not get your impression of Christianity from iFunny.
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    • How did we go from Hating religion to hating science like that? Huh? Where was my memo?
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    • If life is a chemical reaction, then based off of the chemicals that started it. It has a preset reaction. meaning that fate is real, and was determined at the moment of creation. Weather it be by a god or nature.
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    • God's not real, lmao
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    • So what breed of dogs is it that be mentioned in those stories where the dog eats pot brownies? Like they say they dog eat the brownies, but nothing bout them getting sick.. wtf? Is chocolate bad or are we being fed lies???
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    • Wtf does this have to do with religion?
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    • There’s chocolate bagels?
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    • Why do they have to gender the universe? Just say it.
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    • My cousin straight up feeds my dog chocolate and she's 28 lmao and nothing happens. Ik some dogs can get sick but mine doesn't.
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    • Does it occur to anyone that maybe the universe equals the concept of God and everyone just interprets it differently?
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    • My dog ate an entire basket of muffins and half a stick of butter and she isnt dead
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    • A dog can have chocolate just not a fuck ton. Also depends on the size of the dog
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    • “bUt mUH uNiVeRsE” - stubborn Godless heathen
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    • Nothing really matters, there no God and when you die there's nothing else, or maybe there is but the only way to know is to die and that a one way ticket
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    • What do you mean you don’t believe in god? You mean that there are religions that don’t focus on worshipping a diety? There is an unnamed religion that is the combination of science and spirit. If you check out Bruce Lipton, he explains it well. I’d take it with a grain of salt, though
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    • My dog can eat chocolate with nothing bad happening to him. We don’t feed it to him or anything but he’s gotten into chocolate bars and stuff and didn’t even get sick
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    • I was tempted to say "just say God" because of how many people are triggered by it. But I really don't care enough about this either way. Fuck God, fuck the universe. And fuck you
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    • I have a 160 pound Great Dane that I give chocolate to occasionally. She loves that shit.
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    • lmfao wow i can’t believe this turned into some bible thumper debate. it’s not about religion you twats god doesn’t exist and death is an illusion. suck my Dick
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    • Aaaaannnnd, que the butthurt religious people in the comments raging that they said "the universe" instead of *insert name of your God here*
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    • Yo can we talk about how @cream is verified now he post cropped gay porn. IFunny is a G
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    • My dog didn't care, she stole a quarter of my husband's chocolate donut when he wasn't looking and stole some of my chocolate bar from the fridge when I went to get a soda. She loves chocolate 🤣 and takis
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    • CV n
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    • I don’t think this intended to be an answer to the problem of evil, but it definitely is not a sufficient one if it was trying to.
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