• em le I used to have geese so here's a tip for everyone:
If a goose is attacking you, don't run. No matter
what, stand your ground. They can fly but when
they're mad, they don't usually try to fly. Hold your
hands in front of you, ready to grasp. When the
goose gets close, grab it by the neck bit closest to
the head and squeeze. Not tight enough to choke
the goose, but tight enough so they can't break free.
You can hold them until they calm down or just do
the next step right away. The next step is literally just
to chuck them as far as possible and run for your life.
It makes the goose know you're in charge and you
have a better chance of getting away. Trust me I've
done this so many times that I've lost count
a myblogisnotinteresting
I can't tell if this is a shitpost or actual advice. But I
do know geese are the fucking worst.
Actual advice! Just yeet a goose
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  • 988 comments

    • Can confirm. Fuckers stop being assholes real quick when they're flying without consent
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    • Or just insert some foot in ass.
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    • Back hand the goose so fast that the whiplash breaks its neck.
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    • Birdshot alsp does the trick
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    • fuck that if i get my hands around a gooses neck it’s night night for the goose
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    • I grew up dealing with large birds, such as geese and turkeys. You don't need to grab them, just stick out your foot and let the goose bounce off, them spread your arms and make yourself look as big as possible and stand your ground. DO NOT RUN if they attack again k
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    • Oh, if you kick one like a football on a tee, it will fly about 30 feet, and lay on the ground, gasping for breath. It will NOT get back up and come at you. It wants no more part of that.
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    • English is not my first language so I thought a goose was a moose and I was like bruh are you fucking suicidal
      MikaelR98 26 jun
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    • If I get in a fight with a goose it's a deathmatch bruh only 1 of us is walking away
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    • Fun (actually useful) alternative: Once you have it grabbed, crank it over your head like you're spinning a lasso. Much easier. ~Someone who has had to share a lake with angry geese for almost 23 years
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    • Why y’all acting like we aren’t bipedal and can punt the little f***ers??
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    • My friends mom was being attacked, and she fell backwards off a dock and some buff ass dude came up picked the goose up by its neck swung it over his head a few times and yeeted it
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    • Anyone's that's been duck hunting can just tell u to grab the neck and helicopter that fucker and it'll snap like a twig
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    • "H-Harder daddy"
      KdawgTB 25 jun
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    • My mom tells me that when i was a toddler at the park, i would try to bite the geese after they bit me. After awhile, they always left me the fuck alone
      Alec2cool 25 jun
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    • I’m trained my entire life, day after day, working to become more powerful than the day before, all so that when the time comes I can battle a goose and come out victorious, our clash will be legendary and I will prevail with the knowledge this post has bestowed upon me
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    • I hit one while driving a golf cart because it was blocking the path and it was the only way through so that fucker flew at me and got decimated by the cart
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    • Can I use this with children?
      akjon 25 jun
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    • Story time! I was riding my bike near some ponds with my friends and there were 2 geese in our way hissing and flapping their wings at us. Everyone told me to take care of them since I was the biggest out of all of us. I walked towards them and they charged. I grabbed both of the them (1/2)
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    • um... geese ain't shit, all they do is hiss and act like they gonna do something but they won't. even if they do it's like... getting bit by a really annoying hair clip
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    • if god doesn’t exist why do my hands fit perfectly around a gooses neck
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    • Geese will not hurt you, they have wimpy bites, their feet arent sharp, and they're not strong enough with their wings to do damage, never back away from a goose, that's their only defense
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    • My old apartment had a man made lake in the middle of the complex, the geese would just waddle up to you while you're trying to unload your groceries. A lot of then liked being pet. I had one jump in my trunk though.. was a weird situation
      Grada 25 jun
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    • I use to regularly grab geese on my early morning runs around campus. I'd grab one and just get a good 100-200 ft with him and toss him into the lake (that way the little fucks gotta swim then run if he really wants to fuck around).
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    • Untitled goose brawl
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    • what if you choke the geese but that turns it on and it gets a boner(they have long dicks trust me) and it pokes you in the eye
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    • If a goose pisses me off, I'd grab that lil shit by the head and swing that fucker till it's decapitated. I do not give a shit about the poor goose. If it tried attacking me, I'm gonna show it who's bigger.
      IPLET 25 jun
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    • I fought a goose, once, and a bear with these tactics. Anything is possible when you have vodka dripping through your veins
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    • If youve already your hands on its neck, snapping will also very effectively show it who is in charge
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    • Wouldn’t it be “yeet the geese”
      lax4all 25 jun
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    • Grab the goose by the neck and smash its body against a hard surface repeatedly until you hear a loud snap
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    • Nobody believes me that I could take on a goose, but fear is their only tactic. If I have the intent to give it a permanent goodnight, then I will what I must
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    • That is actual advice, I’ve used this information to successfully escape from a goose while visiting a lake
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    • No matter the animal, if I see something rushing me I respond with incredible violence. Works on anything up to the size of a black bear
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    • If there's two geese you yeet if there's just one goose though you gotta yoot it
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    • An angry goose was charging my dad once for no reason and he just turned around and kicked the goose in the head and walked off
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    • Just hiss back at it. I have 6 geese and they come up and hiss at anyone they see, just hiss back and stomp toward them if they get a little too bold, they run off like bitches
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    • Naw this is shit advice, once you have your hand on the neck squeeze as hard as you fucking can and then rip that fuckers head off. Piece of fucking shit goose
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    • Geese necks fit perfectly in a closed hand
      Spageetus 25 jun
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    • It’s extremely easy to break their necks.
      larbitre 25 jun
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    • I would just crush it’s neck, the dumb ass is trying to hurt me. It’s attacking an apex predator, the fuck does it expect?
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    • Or just fucking kick it
      CeeJay_ 25 jun
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    • Nah I just beat the shit out of them until they fuck off
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    • Perfect opportunity to say "yeet the geese" and you fucked it away
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    • Grab it by the neck and swing it in circles
      gggggggj 25 jun
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    • Do it in canada and get fined because its our national bird smh
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    • Or just bend its neck around like a soft pretzle
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    • just punch them birds have really weak bones
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    • Or replace the last step with this: slam the fucker against some concrete (or in a meat grinder, whichever’s closest)
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    • Geese are horrible little bitches from hell and I have no problem yeeting geese
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    • Growing up my grandma (who lives next door to me) had two black swans and they were so nasty. My dad, more than once, had to grab them by the neck to prevent them from attacking him
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    • DROP KICK !!!
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    • My great grandma would do this with a goose the night before Christmas but would give it a whipping motion and the head would come clean off. She’d then prepaid it for Christmas dinner.
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    • When I was 5 I went to play golf with my dad. He went off to do something and I was sitting in the cart and a bunch of geese came at me so being the 5 year old little shit I was I grabbed his driver and smacked one in the chest and sent it about 8-9 feet back. It didn't get back up and I thought(pt1
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    • They also have sharp little teeth and they hiss
      Carlislee 26 jun
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    • So my dad just kicked a geese when it was charging him. Seemed to work well no need to actually touch it
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    • Would grabbing them by the neck and swinging them around hitting the ground multiple times work?
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    • Nonconsenual flight yeet
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    • Works with most birds tbh
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    • Birds have hollow bones, just punch or kick it.
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    • Yeets the geese
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    • Or break it's fucking neck
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    • But what am I to do if there are 3 geese and I only have 2 hands!
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    • Let loose the goose
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    • Goose bites kan be pretti nasti
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    • Yeet the geese
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    • My roosters like to attack my legs so I just fuckin kick them across the yard. They still come back for more though
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    • Grab it by the neck and swing it around your head like a flail. Break that motherfucker and eat it for dinner.
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    • He's partly right. When he said they may fly away, wrong. They always crave flesh. Jerry did at least. The yeet part is very true, but I just punted that fucker when he came after me. One time he cornered me to I had to whack him with a tree branch. He was horrible.
      aftonone 26 jun
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    • Why chuck the goose when I could use it as a free fleshlight
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    • Yup actual truth I did that
      SavageV 25 jun
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    • Use it as a fairway shot with a nine iron. Fore.
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    • I can sense God_Of_Cursed_Images where is he
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    • Wouldn't this damage their necks
      Tom_Waits 25 jun
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    • Or dont be a bitch and fight it
      ZebMakrov 25 jun
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    • IF YOU THROW A GOOSE AND ARE GRABBING IT LIKE EXPLAINED YOU WILL DECAPITATE IT
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    • Everytime a geese has walked towards ne I just walk towards it. Like a game if chicken and I always win.
      V37iF 25 jun
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    • It's not easy to defend yourself from something you don't want to hurt.
      Howie_Cat 25 jun
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    • Honestly just crab the goose by the neck and twist. Boom it's dead and you're fine.
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    • One time I was biking through a park and this daddy goose was hanging with his babies and I said hey daddy goose how are you and he started flying at me luckily I was able to bike away
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    • Just fuck up the goose?
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    • If i have a goose by the neck im squeezing and twisting till i hear cracking sounds
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    • So either capture the goose or yeet it.
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    • Was running at cross country meet and there were ducks in this pond we'd run by, the damn ducks would go after the runners as we passed them
      Alaheen 25 jun
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    • Is that real cuz I was tubin and started walking along the edge then this mother fucker just bites my calf so I jump into the water and for 5 min this asshole is following me on the land
      CreedV 25 jun
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    • My grandmother had chinese geese and one took a chunk out of my buttcheek so you’d best believe i kicked the shit out of it. Didnt phase him at all so i ran inside real fast
      PhinAttic 25 jun
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    • Cobra chickens bad!
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    • Don't forget to yell "GRENADE!" as you yeet the goose
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    • I’ve never understood why ppl run away from animals like geese. Bro if a goose even looks at me wrong let alone charges at me, it’s turning into a soccer ball foh
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    • Chirin 25 jun
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    • Am I the only one who's never had trouble with geese?
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    • Perfect opportunity to say "Yeet the geese!" and it was wasted...
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    • Grab neck with both hands and gently twist until it stops fighting.
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