do you know how sexy it is when he teases you in bed with a bird leaf
Bitch you mean a feather?
LaMadrina LaMadrina
23 sep 2020
do you know how sexy it is when he teases you in bed with a bird leaf Bitch you mean a feather?
Aunt: "why you got mix match socks"
My sister: "why all yo kids got mix match dads?
Me:
Lollypop_wonder Lollypop_wonder
11 sep 2020
Aunt: "why you got mix match socks" My sister: "why all yo kids got mix match dads? Me:
people who eat potato salad:
Kiwibob Kiwibob
9 apr
people who eat potato salad:
when you decide to have a little lay down for few minutes but you wake up at fully clothed with the lights on
when you decide to have a little lay down for few minutes but you wake up at fully clothed with the lights on
Damn.... I'm kinda
tired of living through these
Major historical events
RedrumDude RedrumDude
5 nov 2020
Damn.... I'm kinda tired of living through these Major historical events
Am cute enough?
yes -
Tsarbucks Tsarbucks
26 sep 2020
Am cute enough? yes -
Me: *Goes to a family dinner*
Some woman I've never seen in my life:
"I cleaned your ass when you were little"
Me: *Goes to a family dinner* Some woman I've never seen in my life: "I cleaned your ass when you were little"
Me: Inhales a fish for a water power up
Everyone else at the endangered species aquarium:
Marx Marx
25 sep 2020
Me: Inhales a fish for a water power up Everyone else at the endangered species aquarium:
I just hired this babysitter for my ex husband
' = we
fa
Lindaberry Lindaberry
20 may
I just hired this babysitter for my ex husband ' = we fa
Thought 'all should meet my new child, Sir
Baloo He's about 12 weeks old and is a fucking dick but we love him - Thought y’all should meet my new child, Sir Baloo🥰 He’s about 12 weeks old and is a fucking dick but we love him
basementbaby basementbaby
20 sep 2020
Thought 'all should meet my new child, Sir Baloo He's about 12 weeks old and is a fucking dick but we love him - Thought y’all should meet my new child, Sir Baloo🥰 He’s about 12 weeks old and is a fucking dick but we love him
No one -
Every music video
of the
No one - Every music video of the
When you're browsing the dark web and see yourself on sale for
$500
Klutch145 Klutch145
22 dec 2020
When you're browsing the dark web and see yourself on sale for $500
My server said he liked my necklace....
- Twitter for iPhone
yowza.
@lmHardlyA1
Tf is he supposed to say? "Hey nice huge fat ass titties, honk honk"??? Yo weird as fuck
swae swae
29 sep 2020
My server said he liked my necklace.... - Twitter for iPhone yowza. @lmHardlyA1 Tf is he supposed to say? "Hey nice huge fat ass titties, honk honk"??? Yo weird as fuck
18-year-old boy: *Doesn't get into college*
Recruiter at the mall:
You'll be a soldier.
Midnight_the_Dragon Midnight_the_Dragon
23 dec 2020
18-year-old boy: *Doesn't get into college* Recruiter at the mall: You'll be a soldier.
Nobody
The weeknd:
Heller97 Heller97
7 jan 2021
Nobody The weeknd:
What a catch! Get you a girl who can provide!
batty_caffesmash batty_caffesmash
6 jan 2021
What a catch! Get you a girl who can provide!
Mom Metal is just a phase, honey.
You will grow out of it..."
Me :(80 years later.
1776ulfhethnar 1776ulfhethnar
18 dec 2020
Mom Metal is just a phase, honey. You will grow out of it..." Me :(80 years later.
"You attract what you fear"
Oh my god! I'm so scared of being hot! Ha!
RES
can't believed that worked!
"You attract what you fear" Oh my god! I'm so scared of being hot! Ha! RES can't believed that worked!
Female NPCs wondering I keep scrolling up while holding the CTRL key
Bacardi Bacardi
24 nov 2020
Female NPCs wondering I keep scrolling up while holding the CTRL key
My girlfriend knows how much I love soccer. She sent me a picture of a graffiti mural of my favorite player, Diego Maradona, in Naples.
tart_wallstreetbets tart_wallstreetbets
2 mar
My girlfriend knows how much I love soccer. She sent me a picture of a graffiti mural of my favorite player, Diego Maradona, in Naples.
"There's no way you can work off just 4 hours sleep"
CreamyComb CreamyComb
26 jan
"There's no way you can work off just 4 hours sleep"