• DM: At bar you see a cloaked, hunched over man. He wears a crown of bone and blade, surrounded by three sentient rings of fire. His arm is made of steel. Players: who else is in the tavern DM: uhhhh theres a goblin named Sam Smorkle Players: I want to talk to Sam Smorkle
    smile 73K
  • 329 comments

    • qaam
      DnD is like that sometimes. Made my friend fuck a sleeping orc for 7 turns since he couldn’t make it to the session.
      qaam a month
      smile 7.3K reply 214
    • CringePolice
      “Why are there features at 5 am lol” oh fuck I need to go to sleep, wtf
      CringePolice a month
      smile 2.7K reply 27
    • layering
      If you play a game of D&D without someone inexplicably pulling off a fucking stupid/joke turn, you're playing it wrong.
      smile 30 reply 1
    • DankAsslessChaps
      Because the big scary man is gonna make me fight something big and scary. Sam smorkel is gonna ask me to do his taxes and give his kid saxophone lessons
      smile 15 reply 1
    • Binsbacher
      Sam Smorkle! Do you know anything about the Myth of the Fire-Ring Metal Arm Bandit. He’s the leader of the Cloaked Bone Dagger Clan? “DM is slamming his head on the Table.”
      Binsbacher a month
      smile 14
    • CapraDouche
      I did this to my DM one time. He had this whole quest planned to kill this one guy to save another and instead I made the party poison veloceraptors with spoiled milk laced stegosaurus meat to save that guy.
      CapraDouche a month
      smile 13 reply 3
    • lil_weezycrowbar
      Me: "is the dragon male or female?" Dm: "um, male." Me: "I roll to seduce the dragon." Dm: "wait no"
      smile 13
    • redrocket22
      You roll a one perception check and Sam snorkel is actually a giant dragon that eats you
      redrocket22 a month
      smile 12
    • Error4O6
      Imagine playing dnd and the gm suddenly says “you wake up in the back of a horse drawn carriage. Your hands are tied. You look around and see other prisoners like you”
      Error4O6 a month
      smile 12
    • Nywag
      There was a orc rogue named grog that put all his points into charisma for intimidation so whenever he was sneaking somewhere when he would enevibitly get caught he would just say you no see grog and it would work almost everytime
      Nywag a month
      smile 10
    • Blue_koi
      Sam smorkle: you should talk to that guy
      Blue_koi a month
      smile 10 reply 2
    • PVTWallaceJenkins
      My party has been trying to get to this one city, but we keep getting stalled by a few things. I screamed Shrek quotes at a ogre until he attacked me, that was a doozy. My party also frequently argues over how to travel, my friend recommended buying a horse cairrage, that’s normal enough. But
      smile 10 reply 1
    • vangrahamage
      vangrahamage a month
      smile 9 reply 3
    • thecosmicpunchline
      And the goblin becomes a recurring character.
      smile 8
    • MemeLordVakarian
      My level 2 bard: I attack him
      smile 8
    • mirmilnir
      I once insisted on checking every object in a room till I eventually touched something that just changed my character into a woman
      mirmilnir a month
      smile 7 reply 1
    • CrayzeeCreator
      I wish I can find a group of people to play DnD with. I've never played before, nor known anyone who has but I'd like to try. Any suggestions?
      smile 7 reply 5
    • Acethespades
      Bard: Roll to fuck the goblin
      Acethespades a month
      smile 7
    • KilljoyKilroy
      It's all true. My DM once introduced a twitchy gnome with different colored eyes and about fourteen knives strapped to her belt. He mentions that she's watching us and has a huge shiner covering half her face. And our dwarf's like, "I go over to the bartender and order another pint."
      KilljoyKilroy a month
      smile 7
    • Official_City_Wok
      For real is DnD this fun? Cause I really wanna try it.
      smile 7 reply 11
    • Papa_Kaiser
      Sounds like a regular DnD game to me, hell there’s one guy in our group who was intent on having his character raised by a piece of pottery
      Papa_Kaiser a month
      smile 8
    • Godly_Devito
      I made an NPC in a tavern who would provide everyone in the party with magic items if they could help him. Our bard immediately assaulted him in an attempt to kill for no reason.
      Godly_Devito a month
      smile 7 reply 2
    • RavenEAP
      Not sure how relevant it is but for those of you that want to try DnD but don’t have friends or experience, try Roll20, which is basically a website where you can apply for games of all kinds with stangers then play on a virtual board, all you need is a computer and some free time
      RavenEAP a month
      smile 7 reply 1
    • Computerror
      I remember one DnD session where we met an old man at a random fishing place. The old man lead us inside his hut and was very nice. He gave us beet soup so we ended up calling him old beet. We then have him pretty much all our money and helped him build his dream fishing tavern and dock. I miss him.
      Computerror a month
      smile 7
    • whadduploser
      Anybody know what the flip organic chemistry is and we do with it
      smile 6 reply 3
    • Alone_Naturally
      Did I hear.... Goblins?
      smile 6
    • BankruptHampster
      ya let’s calm down a minute i’ll talk to the final boss after a drink and some gwent
      smile 5
    • VautikoTab
      VautikoTab a month
      smile 5
    • PunDawg00p
      Sam Smorkel: wanna assassinate a king?
      PunDawg00p a month
      smile 5
    • dlahm17
      I'm running a star wars dnd style game, and in the bar that my players are supposed to murder a bartender and get back a crest for a rodian, they instead talk to a duros named "beeple" for 5 turns, curb stomp the bartender right after, then go back to talking to beeple.
      dlahm17 a month
      smile 5 reply 4
    • NiceWorkBoneDaddy
      I just played last night and my party was against an ogre (59) HP and they’re only level two but the sorcerer rolled a 20 and a 100 making a triple crit attack so his action was to float into the air say “my time has come” (playing as master oogway) then rip off the ogres head and skull fuck it
      smile 6
    • UltraMultiAlien
      Sam smorkle has a crush on the cloaked figure and askes you to give them a love note.
      smile 6 reply 4
    • so_sogerific
      Does dnd just make shit up as you go?
      so_sogerific a month
      smile 4 reply 1
    • Mega_Lucariken
      Wait bucky is in dnd?
      smile 4
    • Fuckhumans2019
      My character is a tiefling who has descend into a full blown demon god his name is Malick Malickathien he rules from the abyss..
      smile 5 reply 2
    • Rexxor
      Anyone know of any DnD discords? I've never played but I would love to
      Rexxor a month
      smile 4 reply 4
    • SirSkitter
      Never take the most obvious route first otherwise you miss out on all the hidden goodies
      SirSkitter a month
      smile 4
    • shane_blank
      No i want to to seduce sam smorkle
      shane_blank a month
      smile 4
    • Eris_Mawal
      Once in a session the dm took 5 minutes explaining a character, I rolled to seduce the random guy net to that character. GUESS WHO BONED THE LITERAL GRIMM REAPER BY ACCIDENT
      Eris_Mawal a month
      smile 4
    • MrBorealis
      One of my players is starting to become ceo of ancient UPS
      MrBorealis a month
      smile 4
    • R2DP
      I’m my group, the new player (a lvl 2 sorcerer) decided to set fire to the building THEY WERE FIGHTING IN. It collapses, and the party got split. As consequence, the sorcerer got kidnapped by a gang while he was unconscious, while the rest of the party were jailed for city damage. Our DM isn’t kind
      R2DP a month
      smile 4
    • ScottMurdock
      I have a pirate character who managed to avoid a whole conflict with two doppelgängers by getting them drunk and fucking them both, true story.
      ScottMurdock a month
      smile 4
    • PinkCareBear
      I want to seduce Sam Smorkle.
      PinkCareBear a month
      smile 4
    • MrNoodleandhisbro
      I would start a fight with Sam Smorkle and my DM would yell at me for not asking around to find out about my quest
      smile 4 reply 2
    • Doinkit
      I feel like playing dnd now that I’ve seen these memes
      Doinkit a month
      smile 4 reply 1
    • BestMemesOnTheStreet
      I raised up a permanent undead once... it ended up landing on the table of being a dragon rider and then being the dragon rider of a massive black dragon. They ended up reuniting, so now I just made a future boss fight a lot harder.
      smile 4
    • go_commit_die
      go_commit_die a month
      smile 4
    • BrutalBrucie_XADR
      Goblins?
      smile 4
    • PizzaTimes
      I convinced my DM to let me play a mixed Homebrew of a "Space Warper" and a Half-breed vampire. If you look at the description of the Space Warper I have basically created a badass vampire Nightcrawler.
      PizzaTimes a month
      smile 3
    • SpaztasticMan
      It's not the fucking Goblin Slayer you edge-weebs
      SpaztasticMan a month
      smile 5
    • NoOneOfConsequence
      It’s cuz video games have trained us to automatically explore everything we think won’t activate the next part of the main story first.
      smile 3
    • SynonymToastCrunch
      How do we know he has a Crown of Bones when hes wearing a cloak? Does he have his hood on with a Crown on top of it like a dumbass?
      smile 4
    • Chakiato
      My tabletop gaming experience is limited to card games but dnd seems like it could be fun with the right group
      Chakiato a month
      smile 3
    • QuickSilver98
      Fun story I was playing DND with all my buddies and we went to this warhouse to find a way to kill the undead attacking the town we found this potion and none of us rolled high enough to be able to detect what it was so we spilled a drop on the floor and it melted through what was basically a solid
      QuickSilver98 a month
      smile 3 reply 2
    • YourSuperior
      Gotta go for the side quests man
      YourSuperior a month
      smile 3
    • RojasRedLion
      You gotta get the side quests out the way first
      RojasRedLion a month
      smile 3
    • Iamthetable
      My human cleric tried forcing a pawn stall to sell her magic items that he didn't have because she thought that every merchant must have what she's lookimg for... She learned this the hard way when she asked an herbalist for a full plague doctors suit after meeting the first major npc and becoming->
      Iamthetable a month
      smile 3 reply 2
    • Scienceguyry
      In session I'm dragon born and currently still trying to lay that dragon we found, she hasn't eaten us yet and she did give me a complement for being a red dragon born and she was a red dragon
      Scienceguyry a month
      smile 3
    • Epic_Memes_Of_History
      At the first session we had together, one of my players thought it would be a grand idea once he met up with the others to lick the dirt underneath a signpost, and scream Mother Earth in giant, keep in mind he’s an 8ft tall Goliath, and then run into the woods and make traps
      smile 3
    • TheAssociatedPress
      My brother tested a dungeon on a couple of my sample characters and it took me an hour. He then did it with his actual DnD group and it took them 4 hours to get halfway through by doing dumb shit like this
      smile 3
    • canawhupas
      The Lord of Mordor is just trying to have an ale, man
      canawhupas a month
      smile 3
    • Shuppona
      Why did he tell them the name of the goblin? They didn't know him yet
      Shuppona a month
      smile 4 reply 2
    • GabeNewwel
      Why is everyone a nerd all of a sudden
      GabeNewwel a month
      smile 3
    • TreesusR
      Fuck I wanna talk to Sam Smorkle
      TreesusR a month
      smile 3
    • WhiteAxe
      My friend has divine immunity and licks everything he sees
      WhiteAxe a month
      smile 3
    • Rusty_ShackeIferd
      I want to seduce the dragon!
      smile 3 reply 3
    • nooblingkiller
      I try to be a good DM and one of my friends just wants to fuck everything and another wants to kill everything
      smile 3
    • Squiter
      We’ve had two different campaigns; one of just all barbarians with low everything but insane STR/CON; then another as we were all one wholesome family that just wanted to sword coast to be happy.
      Squiter a month
      smile 3
    • CZYalien713
      Only people who play D&D will understand this
      CZYalien713 a month
      smile 4
    • Luckyjml
      In my last D and D session, my friend tried to kill my entire party so another one of the party members grappled him so he just couldn’t move. He then decided that the best thing to do would be to fireball himself down to 1 Hp. Fucking dumbass
      Luckyjml a month
      smile 3
    • Apiphany
      Sam Smorkle for Smash Ultimate
      Apiphany a month
      smile 3
    • Theaveragegamer12
      Is this him?
      smile 4
    • RyukoisBestGirl
      Conversation with goblins is reserved for telling them how they are going to die.
      smile 3 reply 1
    • kokkinos
      I kinda wanna play dnd sounds fun
      kokkinos a month
      smile 3 reply 9
    • redrussiarum
      You missed the best part about this post where Matt Mercer from Critical Role replied to this.
      redrussiarum a month
      smile 3
    • OTAKUB_Tobi
      DM: well this is your lucky day cause Sam is sitting right next to the dude with the bone crown
      OTAKUB_Tobi a month
      smile 3 reply 3
    • 1DapperPunk
      In one game of DnD, my group and I were supposed to fight a dragon and I made the DM mad because u asked if I could use my insanely high fast talking skill to tame it. The end result was a disgruntled DM and a new dragon named Eddie that served as an ally NPC but not as a companion
      1DapperPunk a month
      smile 4 reply 1
    • EmptyOutside
      why talk to the obvious edgelord when you could talk to sam fucking smorkle
      EmptyOutside a month
      smile 3
    • ItsArthurMorgan
      I did a DnD campaign in my leadership class for our final. I ended up capturing the final boss in alladins Lamp because I had to kill Jafar earlier on
      smile 3
    • MrWizardnuts
      I once rolled a natural 20 to pick up a pillar and beat a enemy to death and he wouldn't let me do it. Still mad about it
      MrWizardnuts a month
      smile 3 reply 2
    • DefCon2002
      DefCon2002 a month
      smile 3
    • meth_lab_
      I'd munch on Sam Smorkles ass
      meth_lab_ a month
      smile 3
    • burntacoface
      I wanna play dnd type games but I dont have friends so what must I do?
      burntacoface a month
      smile 2 reply 8
    • JazLkat
      Hey, if I had to choose between talking to Tezeret and Smee, I’m talking to Smee every time.
      JazLkat a month
      smile 2
    • somethingsuperbland
      I want a tv show about Sam smorkle the goblin
      smile 2
    • WildshipChan117
      *GOBLIN SLAYING INTENSIFIES*
      smile 2
    • I_am_Offended
      Man iFunny is fukin lame. I’m gonna go watch ninja turtles
      I_am_Offended a month
      smile 2
    • KayskolA
      According to this list, DnD is satantic worship.
      KayskolA a month
      smile 2
    • 1000
      Cute dancing
      1000 a month
      smile 2
    • GingaNinja_117
      One time as my Dragonborne character Ragnir, I accidentally inhaled spores from a plant that makes you undyingly horny, and basically causes you to fuck the near living thing to you, which was a horse.
      smile 2 reply 1
    • Nywag
      I think half of ifunny is composed of nerds with a dark sense of humor
      Nywag a month
      smile 3 reply 1
    • MikTheArtist
      Who else didn’t laugh and didn’t understand the reference?
      MikTheArtist a month
      smile 4 reply 3
    • steveswag777
      What’s DM
      steveswag777 a month
      smile 3 reply 2
    • Havel_Boi
      You straight tripping if you think that ain't my main man Guts after getting some sweet ass loot
      Havel_Boi a month
      smile 2 reply 3
    • brusslesprout
      God dammit i really want to play dnd but i have no friends or a way of playing it :(
      brusslesprout a month
      smile 2 reply 6
    • NotYoDad
      I can’t get my players to interact with anything that I don’t shove into their throats
      NotYoDad a month
      smile 2
    • PunDawg00p
      *seduce goblin*
      PunDawg00p a month
      smile 2
    • Abedias
      If this isn't the most accurate thing I've ever fucking read I don't know what is
      Abedias a month
      smile 2
    • EpicHoneybadger
      My friends spent thirty minutes trying to talk to a zombie chopping fingers.
      smile 3
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