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    • DnD is like that sometimes. Made my friend fuck a sleeping orc for 7 turns since he couldn’t make it to the session.
      qaam 19 jan
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      • “Why are there features at 5 am lol” oh fuck I need to go to sleep, wtf
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        • If you play a game of D&D without someone inexplicably pulling off a fucking stupid/joke turn, you're playing it wrong.
          layering 22 jan
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          • Because the big scary man is gonna make me fight something big and scary. Sam smorkel is gonna ask me to do his taxes and give his kid saxophone lessons
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            • Me: "is the dragon male or female?" Dm: "um, male." Me: "I roll to seduce the dragon." Dm: "wait no"
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              • Sam Smorkle! Do you know anything about the Myth of the Fire-Ring Metal Arm Bandit. He’s the leader of the Cloaked Bone Dagger Clan? “DM is slamming his head on the Table.”
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                • I did this to my DM one time. He had this whole quest planned to kill this one guy to save another and instead I made the party poison veloceraptors with spoiled milk laced stegosaurus meat to save that guy.
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                  • You roll a one perception check and Sam snorkel is actually a giant dragon that eats you
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                    • Imagine playing dnd and the gm suddenly says “you wake up in the back of a horse drawn carriage. Your hands are tied. You look around and see other prisoners like you”
                      Error4O6 19 jan
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                      • There was a orc rogue named grog that put all his points into charisma for intimidation so whenever he was sneaking somewhere when he would enevibitly get caught he would just say you no see grog and it would work almost everytime
                        Nywag 20 jan
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                        • Sam smorkle: you should talk to that guy
                          Blue_koi 20 jan
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                          • My party has been trying to get to this one city, but we keep getting stalled by a few things. I screamed Shrek quotes at a ogre until he attacked me, that was a doozy. My party also frequently argues over how to travel, my friend recommended buying a horse cairrage, that’s normal enough. But
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                              • And the goblin becomes a recurring character.
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                                • My level 2 bard: I attack him
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                                  • For real is DnD this fun? Cause I really wanna try it.
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                                    • I once insisted on checking every object in a room till I eventually touched something that just changed my character into a woman
                                      mirmilnir 20 jan
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                                      • I wish I can find a group of people to play DnD with. I've never played before, nor known anyone who has but I'd like to try. Any suggestions?
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                                        • Bard: Roll to fuck the goblin
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                                          • It's all true. My DM once introduced a twitchy gnome with different colored eyes and about fourteen knives strapped to her belt. He mentions that she's watching us and has a huge shiner covering half her face. And our dwarf's like, "I go over to the bartender and order another pint."
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                                            • Sounds like a regular DnD game to me, hell there’s one guy in our group who was intent on having his character raised by a piece of pottery
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                                              • I made an NPC in a tavern who would provide everyone in the party with magic items if they could help him. Our bard immediately assaulted him in an attempt to kill for no reason.
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                                                • Not sure how relevant it is but for those of you that want to try DnD but don’t have friends or experience, try Roll20, which is basically a website where you can apply for games of all kinds with stangers then play on a virtual board, all you need is a computer and some free time
                                                  RavenEAP 19 jan
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                                                  • I remember one DnD session where we met an old man at a random fishing place. The old man lead us inside his hut and was very nice. He gave us beet soup so we ended up calling him old beet. We then have him pretty much all our money and helped him build his dream fishing tavern and dock. I miss him.
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                                                    • Anybody know what the flip organic chemistry is and we do with it
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                                                      • Did I hear.... Goblins?
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                                                        • ya let’s calm down a minute i’ll talk to the final boss after a drink and some gwent
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                                                            • Once in a session the dm took 5 minutes explaining a character, I rolled to seduce the random guy net to that character. GUESS WHO BONED THE LITERAL GRIMM REAPER BY ACCIDENT
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                                                              • Sam Smorkel: wanna assassinate a king?
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                                                                • I'm running a star wars dnd style game, and in the bar that my players are supposed to murder a bartender and get back a crest for a rodian, they instead talk to a duros named "beeple" for 5 turns, curb stomp the bartender right after, then go back to talking to beeple.
                                                                  dlahm17 19 jan
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                                                                  • I just played last night and my party was against an ogre (59) HP and they’re only level two but the sorcerer rolled a 20 and a 100 making a triple crit attack so his action was to float into the air say “my time has come” (playing as master oogway) then rip off the ogres head and skull fuck it
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                                                                    • Sam smorkle has a crush on the cloaked figure and askes you to give them a love note.
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                                                                      • Does dnd just make shit up as you go?
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                                                                        • Wait bucky is in dnd?
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                                                                          • My character is a tiefling who has descend into a full blown demon god his name is Malick Malickathien he rules from the abyss..
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                                                                            • Anyone know of any DnD discords? I've never played but I would love to
                                                                              Rexxor 20 jan
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                                                                              • Never take the most obvious route first otherwise you miss out on all the hidden goodies
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                                                                                • No i want to to seduce sam smorkle
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                                                                                  • One of my players is starting to become ceo of ancient UPS
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                                                                                    • I’m my group, the new player (a lvl 2 sorcerer) decided to set fire to the building THEY WERE FIGHTING IN. It collapses, and the party got split. As consequence, the sorcerer got kidnapped by a gang while he was unconscious, while the rest of the party were jailed for city damage. Our DM isn’t kind
                                                                                      R2DP 19 jan
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                                                                                      • I have a pirate character who managed to avoid a whole conflict with two doppelgängers by getting them drunk and fucking them both, true story.
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                                                                                        • I want to seduce Sam Smorkle.
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                                                                                          • I would start a fight with Sam Smorkle and my DM would yell at me for not asking around to find out about my quest
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                                                                                            • I feel like playing dnd now that I’ve seen these memes
                                                                                              Doinkit 19 jan
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                                                                                              • I raised up a permanent undead once... it ended up landing on the table of being a dragon rider and then being the dragon rider of a massive black dragon. They ended up reuniting, so now I just made a future boss fight a lot harder.
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                                                                                                  • Goblins?
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                                                                                                      • I convinced my DM to let me play a mixed Homebrew of a "Space Warper" and a Half-breed vampire. If you look at the description of the Space Warper I have basically created a badass vampire Nightcrawler.
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                                                                                                        • It's not the fucking Goblin Slayer you edge-weebs
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                                                                                                          • It’s cuz video games have trained us to automatically explore everything we think won’t activate the next part of the main story first.
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                                                                                                            • How do we know he has a Crown of Bones when hes wearing a cloak? Does he have his hood on with a Crown on top of it like a dumbass?
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                                                                                                              • My tabletop gaming experience is limited to card games but dnd seems like it could be fun with the right group
                                                                                                                Sohks 19 jan
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                                                                                                                • Fun story I was playing DND with all my buddies and we went to this warhouse to find a way to kill the undead attacking the town we found this potion and none of us rolled high enough to be able to detect what it was so we spilled a drop on the floor and it melted through what was basically a solid
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                                                                                                                  • Gotta go for the side quests man
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                                                                                                                    • You gotta get the side quests out the way first
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                                                                                                                      • My human cleric tried forcing a pawn stall to sell her magic items that he didn't have because she thought that every merchant must have what she's lookimg for... She learned this the hard way when she asked an herbalist for a full plague doctors suit after meeting the first major npc and becoming->
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                                                                                                                        • In session I'm dragon born and currently still trying to lay that dragon we found, she hasn't eaten us yet and she did give me a complement for being a red dragon born and she was a red dragon
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                                                                                                                          • At the first session we had together, one of my players thought it would be a grand idea once he met up with the others to lick the dirt underneath a signpost, and scream Mother Earth in giant, keep in mind he’s an 8ft tall Goliath, and then run into the woods and make traps
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                                                                                                                            • My brother tested a dungeon on a couple of my sample characters and it took me an hour. He then did it with his actual DnD group and it took them 4 hours to get halfway through by doing dumb shit like this
                                                                                                                              iFunni 19 jan
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                                                                                                                              • The Lord of Mordor is just trying to have an ale, man
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                                                                                                                                • Why did he tell them the name of the goblin? They didn't know him yet
                                                                                                                                  Shuppona 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                  • Why is everyone a nerd all of a sudden
                                                                                                                                    font 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                    • Fuck I wanna talk to Sam Smorkle
                                                                                                                                      TreesusR 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                      • My friend has divine immunity and licks everything he sees
                                                                                                                                        WhiteAxe 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                        • I want to seduce the dragon!
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                                                                                                                                          • I try to be a good DM and one of my friends just wants to fuck everything and another wants to kill everything
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                                                                                                                                            • We’ve had two different campaigns; one of just all barbarians with low everything but insane STR/CON; then another as we were all one wholesome family that just wanted to sword coast to be happy.
                                                                                                                                              Squiter 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                              • Only people who play D&D will understand this
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                                                                                                                                                • In my last D and D session, my friend tried to kill my entire party so another one of the party members grappled him so he just couldn’t move. He then decided that the best thing to do would be to fireball himself down to 1 Hp. Fucking dumbass
                                                                                                                                                  Luckyjml 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                                  • Sam Smorkle for Smash Ultimate
                                                                                                                                                    Apiphany 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                                    • Is this him?
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                                                                                                                                                      • Conversation with goblins is reserved for telling them how they are going to die.
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                                                                                                                                                        • I kinda wanna play dnd sounds fun
                                                                                                                                                          kokkinos 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                                          • You missed the best part about this post where Matt Mercer from Critical Role replied to this.
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                                                                                                                                                            • DM: well this is your lucky day cause Sam is sitting right next to the dude with the bone crown
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                                                                                                                                                              • In one game of DnD, my group and I were supposed to fight a dragon and I made the DM mad because u asked if I could use my insanely high fast talking skill to tame it. The end result was a disgruntled DM and a new dragon named Eddie that served as an ally NPC but not as a companion
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                                                                                                                                                                • why talk to the obvious edgelord when you could talk to sam fucking smorkle
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                                                                                                                                                                  • I did a DnD campaign in my leadership class for our final. I ended up capturing the final boss in alladins Lamp because I had to kill Jafar earlier on
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                                                                                                                                                                    • I once rolled a natural 20 to pick up a pillar and beat a enemy to death and he wouldn't let me do it. Still mad about it
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                                                                                                                                                                        • I'd munch on Sam Smorkles ass
                                                                                                                                                                          meth_lab_ 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                                                          • I wanna play dnd type games but I dont have friends so what must I do?
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                                                                                                                                                                            • Hey, if I had to choose between talking to Tezeret and Smee, I’m talking to Smee every time.
                                                                                                                                                                              JazLkat 21 jan
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                                                                                                                                                                              • I want a tv show about Sam smorkle the goblin
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                                                                                                                                                                                • *GOBLIN SLAYING INTENSIFIES*
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                                                                                                                                                                                  • Man iFunny is fukin lame. I’m gonna go watch ninja turtles
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                                                                                                                                                                                    • According to this list, DnD is satantic worship.
                                                                                                                                                                                      KayskolA 20 jan
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                                                                                                                                                                                      • Cute dancing
                                                                                                                                                                                        same 20 jan
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                                                                                                                                                                                        • One time as my Dragonborne character Ragnir, I accidentally inhaled spores from a plant that makes you undyingly horny, and basically causes you to fuck the near living thing to you, which was a horse.
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                                                                                                                                                                                          • I think half of ifunny is composed of nerds with a dark sense of humor
                                                                                                                                                                                            Nywag 20 jan
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                                                                                                                                                                                            • Who else didn’t laugh and didn’t understand the reference?
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                                                                                                                                                                                              • What’s DM
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                                                                                                                                                                                                • You straight tripping if you think that ain't my main man Guts after getting some sweet ass loot
                                                                                                                                                                                                  Havel_Boi 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                                                                                  • God dammit i really want to play dnd but i have no friends or a way of playing it :(
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                                                                                                                                                                                                    • I can’t get my players to interact with anything that I don’t shove into their throats
                                                                                                                                                                                                      NotYoDad 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                                                                                      • *seduce goblin*
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                                                                                                                                                                                                        • If this isn't the most accurate thing I've ever fucking read I don't know what is
                                                                                                                                                                                                          Abedias 19 jan
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                                                                                                                                                                                                          • My friends spent thirty minutes trying to talk to a zombie chopping fingers.
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