• as" Posted by u/9 Soldiers In A Bear 13h
81
What's the most badass thing you've
accidentally said in the heat of the
moment?
4% 64.8k PA Share Award
I worked at Target back in college in a stocking job where
we had to be there at like 4-5am to unload trucks. One
morning I overslept a bit and walked to the unpacking
line about 10 minutes late eating a breakfast bar. The
boss stormed over and started loudly berating me in
front of everyone for being late. As he was going on, I
was listening and taking bites of the bar without much
expression (mainly because I was so damn tired). It
finally bothered him that I was disrespectfully chewing
during the yelling and he stopped mid-sentence, held out
his hand, and said, "Give me that damn thing!". It just
happened that I only had one bite left so I took it, handed
him the wrapper, and said "Thanks" with a mouth full of
food. He paused and started laughing at the ridiculous
response to his bitching. We were buddies after that.
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  • 1635 comments

    • You guys say it's fake but it's entirely possible. A lot of management at corporate owned stores are really chill and can take a joke. Most let an ounce of power go to your head
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    • Not really badass but funny shit nonetheless. Back in high-school health class we were learning about signs of being poisoned. The teacher read a whole list of symptoms the last was "abnormal skin color." I turned to my black friend and loudly blurted out "Jared, I think you've been poisoned"
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    • I caught my ex cheating and broke up with her. Days later when she was grabbing the last of her stuff she asked for her half of the rent back and said it wasn’t fair that she paid rent and is moving out. I told her I’m sorry you got caught cheating on the 5th of the month instead of the 30th.
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    • I called my little brother who is 6 years younger the n word. Yarel I know you on this app, fuck you bitch ass nigga
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    • When I was in college, my two friends and I were bored and said fuck it, let’s put on suits and walk around downtown. While we were walking around, some drunk frat dude turns to us and says “haha what are you guys selling”, I turned around and in a British accent said, “you can’t afford it”
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    • Try me, I was wrestling with my friends in the rain shirtless and screamed praise Thor then lightning struck 20 feet away, I felt like a fukin god
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    • I like when Features like these pop up because all of the comments are filled with cool stories.
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    • A guy threatened to come back with a shotgun over the MCD ice cream machine being broken. My words exact: "Sir, I welcome the cold, sweet embrace of death. I work at Mcdonalds." I had my coworkers crying as the dude looked more concerned about me than anything else after that.
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    • My teacher junior year couldn’t fix the TV (she didn’t know what AVI cables went where) so I and a few friend did it for her and she said “how many gen Z does it take to turn on a TV” and I said “I don’t know but it only took 1 millennial to quit” I got sent to the office
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    • About 10 years ago, I was getting yelled at for not getting a haircut over the weekend (military problems), but the way they said it was strange. "Where is your haircut?" I couldnt think of an answer to this so I said "It's still at the barber shop Corporal." Pain ensued. Kinda worth it.
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    • This girl in my Spanish class was taking her sweatshirt off and said like "I'm so hot" or something clearly referring to the heat but my 3 hours of sleep ass mutters "debatable..." after a sudden silence fell over the room everybody started laughing.
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    • I did something similar. Back in HS, there was a strict no phone policy. If a teacher saw it, they were taking it no matter what. I was caught during history class and the teacher held out his hand, gesturing me to hand my phone over. I panicked and handed him my pencil and he just looked at me
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    • Not “badass” but somewhere there. Two girls on my school bus to home were having this loud talk, so one guy next to them tried to jump in. That irked one of them and went “ This is an A to B conversation, so I’ll C you later”. So I went up and said “ Yeah, but the D’s right here.”
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    • I love how people automatically share their stories with these types memes
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    • The bosses reaction before he fired him
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    • The most annoying shit on this app has got to be all the people who call fake on shit in the comments it’s a fucking story it’s meant to be entertaining as long as it’s not on something that would physically effect you if it was a lie, shut the fuck up youre toxic. Sry 4 ranting
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    • Once in high school history, our teacher was going over optimism and pessimism and the well known glass half full, half empty, all that. When he finished I lightly mumbled "yeah, but I ordered a hamburger". Apparently was loud enough the whole class and teacher was fucking rolling
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    • But I was in 8th grade and was about to miss a lab for science. I asked if they could possibly reschedule cos it sounded cool. Then this girl who was pretty well known for getting around smirked at me saying "sucks to suck" and without missing a beat I said "well you would know" I was told to leave
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    • I worked at a theme park and it was raining. This woman came into our store and asked ‘when will it stop raining?’ I gave her the one minute finger, picked up the phone, put it back down, looked her dead in the eyes and told her my line to god has been disconnected and she need to ask someone else.
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    • my over weight sister was bitching at me from across the room and was threatening to essentially beat me up and I said, without missing a beat, "you'd be out of breath before you got to me" and it made her cry and go to her room
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    • Boom. Bnnuy
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    • I was cashiering , a lady came through my line and instantly said "you'll regret those when you get older" (tattoos), to which I nonchalantly replied "you'll be dead when I get older, so why do you care" and continued to scan her grocerys.
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    • Was playing rising storm 2 and cornered some guy with a shotgun. He asked for mercy as he was out of ammo and without kissing I beat I said “pick a god and pray, son” then ended him. Don’t think I’ll do better then that
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    • one time in health class, i wore a hoodie with my hood up and sunglasses and my teacher stopped mid lesson and flat out went “you look like the unabomber” and i panicked and said “just wait and see” and luckily my teacher has a good sense of humor so he laughed instead of me getting arrested
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    • One night at a family get together I grabbed a beer from the fridge and my auntie told me I wasn’t allowed to. I told her “I’m 21, I can have a beer.” She replied with “all the other kids are drinking juice.” I stared her right in the eyes, cracked open the beer and said “I’m not a kid” and walked.
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    • I work restocking and we had inventory today and tomorrow morning we have truck. My spine is already in actual pain and my left leg is permanently cramped. Just remember all of the things that go into you being able to wander into a store and go to where something is located so you can buy it.
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    • I was left alone in a food court with no assistance, after I *obviously* couldn't handle all of the assholes waiting in line big boy manager comes to chew me out. "Why couldn't you handle it for just a few hours?" This was not the first time they've done this. I was A n g r y. I said....
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    • More sarcastic, worked swim meets as a lifeguard and it was storming, some overly worried lady comes to me on break complaining about weather and storms and asks me and a buddy sitting next to me if we have any lighting detectors. I look up at her and say "yes ma'am we do, its called our eyes".
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    • Idk if this counts but. This worker named Georgina completely screwed me over so I would tell all the new people that the i in her name was the long I. So it rhymed with vagina. Everybody called her georgIna
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    • We were in US history learning about some obscure guy. I was “Why do we have to learn about him if he’s not even memorable?” Fat bitch next to me goes “Well you’re not even memorable” I hit back with “Sorry, who are you?”, and the class erupted. My secret: That’s just something I say to get out of
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    • I once told a teacher “I have to teach him because you won’t.” Took me about 30 seconds too register what I said
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    • I once had a guy at the snow tubing place which was drunk as heck decide he didnt like me because I wasnt enjoying him making jokes at my expense every time he came up the hill and the last time he grabbed my leg and pulled me in to show he had a revolver in his waistband. I said pt.1
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    • Addict bitch at work pretending to be clean started a screaming fit with me and I shouted oh go smoke another rock and shut the fuck up. The entire loud, bustling kitchen, 16 kitchen workers + about a dozen waitstaff, got deathly quiet for a moment and then burst out laughing and she ran
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    • I have this autistic friend who’s smart enough for a regular class but still needs like help here n there. I was explaining something about our English assignment and my teacher said “for the love of god, let him figure it out” and I replied back to her “for the love of god, do your job”. (1/2)
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    • I know it's horrid, but it was to my like 5 year old cousin. I was talking about the braincell joke and the "it's my turn to use it" thing. She asked, "what's a braincell?" I said back immediately, "Well, clearly it's not your turn to use it." I know, nobody expects a 5 year old to know, it slipped.
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    • I was in hs percussion drum line but the only quiet kid there so after a football game, I was talking to a fellow percussion and other band people and he said “ You’re so quiet you said like only 20 words”; I followed him with “21”
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    • IT WAS THE HEEEEEAT OF THE MOMENT
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    • A coworker and I were arguing on a slow day about women can do anything men can do so I argued I can pee standing up to which she yelled back ME TOO BITCH YOU AINT SPECIAL needless to say she won that argument
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    • Found out my girlfriend cheated on me broke up with her blocked her on everything except text (just Incase there is something important) she ends up sending me a memory from snapchat from a year ago through text of us happy in a pool.. I respond “look at how happy we were when you weren’t a slut”
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    • Not badass but still: in college history class the prof was saying how in early civs a military coup would be as simple as the king and general go out on a horseback ride and the general would come back alone and say "the king has died he fell off his horse" and i just said out loud "ya and then 1/2
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    • My brother and I were arguing in spanish and he tried to tell me to go die, but forgot the word "muerte" (die) so he told me to take a "siesta siempre" (forever nap)
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    • I go to drill with a guy (army) and he hates me, but I pretend we're in love and everyone in the unit knows it, but man I can turn anything he's ever said to me into a gay joke so he usually tries not to say anything and it's the best thing seeing him try to think of something I can't turn gay
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    • In physics class senior year, we were doing a "group quiz" which we were free to collaborste on. I rushed through it and wrote all my answers on the board, and said "feel free to disagree". When the valedictorian finished, he argued with me about one of the questions, and agreed with me. Got 100%
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    • In my Spanish class we were working on a group project for countries. I’m productive, but very quiet. The leader of the group was the bitch teacher pet. We used a ruler to trace lines and I messed up so she took it from me and said “there is an idiot at the end of this ruler” I replied “which end?”
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    • One time in one of my history classes we were talking about how people were more conservative in the 50s and my teacher asked what does that mean. Without hesitation I said “people were getting smarter”. I was near her when I said it and the first day of class she announced she was a Democrat
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    • I have nothing against religion or Christianity, but I worked on a park trail crew with my cousin one summer and he is very religious, went to college for theology, but he was in the truck arguing with our boss about it and I just hop in and say "you arguing about that story book again?"
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    • Im 5'2" chick. Once had a male roommate; big dude, twice my size, and a complete asshole. He was angry over something stupid one day and started yelling & grabbed me. Terrified, I got real quiet, leaned into him and said if he ever touched me again Id cut him into pieces and feed him to his dog.😳😂
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    • Biggest tip for anyone new to a job or young people in general- if your ever late for work don’t show up with food or coffee in your hand
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    • Mine was in the movie theater for breaking dawn part 2, (I was like 8) when Carlisle's head got taken off, I looked to my mom and loudly exclaimed "Well, he was the head of the family" my mom was so close to giving me an ass whooping until she started laughing
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    • Had some dumb ass prob/stat math class senior year high school was sleeping in the back at my desk. Teacher asked me what the answer was knowing I wasn’t paying attention. I looked up answered it correctly went right back to sleep. Whole class gasped. Not really badass was just funny. Got detention
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    • One time back in highschool I was in health class, and the teacher was talking about the signs of being poisoned and the teacher said a something about abnormal skin color. And some random kid turned around and said “JaReD, i ThInK yOu’Ve BeEn PoIsOnEd”(I’m black btw) So I beat the shit out of him.
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    • I can only think about fucked up shit i said lol some popular girl in our group chat got mad at me cause i didn't agree with her so she went on calling me names and shit then told me to die, i don't get angry unless its about something stupid so when she told me to die and i said like your dog?
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    • You guys make fun of reddit but this is exactly what that reddit comment section would look like lol
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    • I was in freshman year and I had my school permit. I broke my leg and had a hairline fracture on my other femur(car accident with my mom), so i couldn’t drive. I got to school late because my mom took the wrong road into town. I get to first period and my teacher goes,
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    • Had a lady cuss out my cashier because she was buying alcohol with no id, we told her that there was no work around, we cant use someone elses id, only hers. So she started making it personal, so i told her to buy her stuff and never come back she tisked me and said ... Continuation:
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    • We were playing jeapordy in class and my friend asked me for a hint for an answer (we were on seperate teams) and i said no, and since her team was almost in 1st she got desperate and began to plea. She said that we'd been friends for so long and I replied "thats not my fault" we all had a good laug
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    • In my middle school there was a social studies teacher who was paralyzed from the neck down. He always had a sense of humor though and used to joke with the kids. One time I was talking in class and he said if I spoke again he would hit me so hard my kid could only take left turns. I said (1/2)
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    • At my school we had a couple custodians who like to pretend they’re security guards. (They’re like 400 pounds each so they weren’t fooling anyone) but one time while one of them was on a power trip and started getting mad at me for something I didn’t do (1/2)
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    • I’m an officer on the army and I don’t understand yelling a lot after basic. I get dudes do some dumbshit. I’ve had people late and my leadership will ask what’ll I’ll do about it. I’ll make up so shit. I mean it’s usually people late to dumb shit anyway. So idc. Now if you’re late to a task or
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    • My sister was making fun of me for being dirty(I take a shower every other day), I said the only reason she paints her nails is to hide the dirt under them
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    • I worked at a car wash and a customer was insatisfied with my job cleaning off his car so he screamed at our cashier who had just started and was still in highschool. He was flipping her off and shit and i told him to get the fuck out of our store.
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    • Told my boss I was picking up a second job and an argument ensued. Ended with "let me know when yih start there and you won't be working here anymore" I said "sounds like a good deal to me" and high fived him
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    • My sixth grade teacher was really strict for the first two weeks (she got really nice after that) but one time I did something bad, I don't really remember, and she started chewing me out in front of the whole class. Thing is, I wasn't really listening, so I thought she was talking to someone else,
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    • I know you guys hate Reddit, but you really should go and read the responses on that thread. It’s fucking gold
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    • Got into an arguement with a customer bc they were doing something stupid I asked them not to do. They told me to "shut the fuck up and do my job." I told them to go fuck themselves, I don't get paid enough to deal with their bs.
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    • I work at Walmart and had a Karen ask me where a specific brand of tea is while I was putting away Toilet paper and I told her I didn't know and she says "You work here and you don't know?" I told you "You're the one who buys it so you should know. Because as you can see I am stocking Toilet Paper,
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    • In freshman year we were talking about class in a circle and I mentioned a teacher and this bitch who I hated and still do interrupted and said "omg I hate home too" so I without thinking said " I didn't ask" sh turns to the teacher and says " he is so mean to me" and me being sick of her shit 1/2
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    • We were going over the affect of the nuclear bombs that hit Hiroshima and Nagasaki. We were looking at pics of the damage and right after the teacher goes, “this is Nagasaki” I without thinking just say “not anymore” under my breath and my classmates heard and laughed at me. Teacher didn’t notice.
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    • Not badass but still kinda funny, I was in 5th grade English reading some book where the characters are escaping from Indians down a river on a raft. We're about to stop reading and the teacher goes "what's something unexpected that could happen to these characters?" and I go (1/2)
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    • Not really badass but we were in geometry and i had my calculator out and we were allowed to work in groups. My group didn’t say much so I did the work by myself. But i had my calculator down against my lap so i could read off the calculator and write it down. And the sub told me to get off my phone
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    • I was super stressed and my dad asked me to do something and I said fuck off without thinking. Worst mistake of my life. I should add that I was 9
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    • I was working at a solar field in Fort Stockton TX. My supervisor asked me to come back to prefab cause they had some 4" cable they wanted me to cut up. He gave me the metal cut off saw after 30 minutes I gave up. The abrasive blade kept burning out the saw and generator due to rubber coat. So 1/2
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    • I was friends with a girl that was too popular for her own good. Her bf was jealous of me being nice to her even though I knew her for years and he just met her and I don't like her. When he complained about it, I said, "sorry I'm a better friend than you are a boyfriend." 1/2
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    • When I was finishing off my two weeks my manager (who I called out 4 doing illegal shit) was tryna let me go early/say whatever was on her bratty mind, and she went “ya know what you said really hurt me” and I responded “the truth hurts” and she looked like she shit herself. It was great :)
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    • I was on my phone in class and my teacher, who was halg
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    • I’m like really fat and a kid bully was insulting me got mad cause I got bullied to the point of being annoying as shit on purpose to make them fuck off and he got mad and punched me but either he is weak I’m just that fat or both because I barely felt it so I just looked at him and said “That was j
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    • ew reddit
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    • Up until 10th grade (when I found out I was narcoleptic) I'd get into a lotta shit in school for sleeping in class. Teachers waking me up by yelling eventually developed into me yelling at people in my sleep when they'd try waking me up. Eventually it ended up with me trying to explain 1/2
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    • The other day at work i was super energized and was actually enjoying myself. (I work at taco bell) and after i took this ladys money for her order i didnt close the window and i turned to my coworker and said "i have so much energy today, i think wednesday imma die" meaning i wont have energy (1/2)
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    • My sister was showing off her new boyfriend to me. I was maybe 12. She was 14. She was saying how he was her sugar daddy and blah blah. I took one look at her and said with a straight face...
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    • It was literally like yesterday when my friend was looking for a cheap bike and he joked "maybe I'll just buy a unicycle" and honestly that was such a perfect setup so I yelled "yeah just ride your unicycle to school CAUSE YOURE A FUCKIN CLOWN 🤡 BITCH" and he left the call after that
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    • I was a waiter and this manager that hated me was yelling at me for messing up an order and then for taking too long to fix it. I was trying to tell her that I couldn't fix it because the cooks weren't fixing it for me but she kept cutting me off, yelling about the customer waiting too long. (1/2)
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    • I can't remember what we were talking bout but there was like 15 of us kids talking to each other in a group back in like 8th grade. This girl interrupted and I said "bitch, ain't nobody talking to you" she was just frozen for a sec and everyone bust out laughing.
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    • I had this annoy girl that looks like she belongs in shark tales. She acts ghetto and her friends as well. Long story short she was talking back to the teacher and trying to expose every classmate by saying no one did her work. I got piss and said “Uh. Mrs. S!! Is it that time of the month again?”
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    • holy shit I got featured, nice
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    • In high school a teacher was yelling at my friend for some dumb shit and it was his birthday. So after he got yelled at I told him “Happy birthday Hunter”. Teacher got all heated and started yelling at me for that comment and I held my laugh in and told me to apologize so I said “sorry that you 1/2
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    • I was at dairy queen. Fresh put of high school, it was my first job. I had this co-worker that was an absolute ass. Like. All the fucking time. One day, I threatened him with a metal ice cream spreader and told him that if he didn't fucking cool it, he was going to end up in my basement
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    • I snapped at a retarded coworker who was slowing everything down and mostly just chatting, and i usually keep to myself at work, but they decided to call me lazy so i went off on them. Then next day i dint see them, but my boss slid up to me with a smile and a coffee and said "hey you. Lets be nice"
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    • Wrestling for school gym and the class bully had it out for me that day. He picked me to be his opponent and me being a scrawny kid, no one expected me to win. I had him pinned in under 5 seconds, stood up and said "who's next?"
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    • hope I’ll be badass enough to eat a granola bar one day
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    • One of our assistant managers got promoted to gm when the last guy left, she has been in power for 3 weeks and has threatened to fire half the staff already.
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    • Wholesome
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    • Shitty manager at DG called me because I was late for work (while I'm at home trying to get some sleep becuase school and two jobs) and I'm like ok...? So I get dressed go in there and turns out she changed the schedule like 2h before the shift becuase that was supposed to be my day off. She asked
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    • IFunny is a middle man for other social media websites and I really appreciate it.
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    • So I work in a form of IT and I had the bosses kid working in the same office as me and we were dealing with another IT group at a school and she said "IT people are dumb. How do you get a degree in something and still not know how to do it" and i just casually said back...
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    • I once re imagined an argument I had while I was taking a shower, I said the coolest shit
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