• you, a doctor: *handing me my new
born baby* I'm sorry but your wife didn't
make it
me, an intellectual: *handing baby back
to him* bring me the one my wife made
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  • 379 comments

    • Is that not the scariest thing though, the lady you be spent so much of yourself life with dying in childbirth and then you’re left alone to raise your kids alone, I don’t know what I’d do without her.
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    • You can’t spell dad without a
      KelliKing 29 jul
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    • The very first dad joke is a banger, congrats
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    • Nice
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    • That's funny but if someone actually made that joke...man.
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    • My wife and I are pregnant and I cannot imagine this, I used to make dead baby jokes when I was younger and now can’t imagine even thinking a single one is funny. I haven’t even met my son yet, but by God I will do everything to protect him and my wife.
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    • When giving birth to my second son, his heart seemed to grow weak with each contraction until finally there were a few minutes his heart rate dropped severly and wasn't detectable and they told me to start pushing immediately without stopping and I was sobbing my heart out while pushing worried 1/2
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    • She died and you got some random baby
      chopstew 30 jul
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    • This joke alone made me relapse on cocaine
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    • Doctor says the baby's fine But you'll have to leave 'Cause his momma's fading fast and Johnny hit his knees and there he prayed "Take the very breath you gave me Take the heart from my chest I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me Make this my last request Take me out of this world God, please
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    • Rhard 29 jul
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    • You can’t spell mother without other
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    • A girl waved to me today and its the best I've felt in months
      mB0065 30 jul
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    • tf is with the comments
      ACLGK21 29 jul
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    • you can spell dad without an o
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    • Lovehurts 30 jul
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    • Wth dude I don’t like chocolate, give me a vanilla one
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    • You can’t spell happy without a
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    • The Doctor: .................................................................................right away sir
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    • You can spell wife without cheating whore
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    • Damn that would be rough
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    • You can spell dad without dd
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    • Why the you: me an intellectual: format for this. This is fucking stupid.
      Greymane 30 jul
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    • Sad but true; my wife and son both almost died during delivery. My son had a prolapsed cord which meant if he pushed through, he would’ve strangled to death, and during the c section, my wife lost so much blood due to anemia, they had to get a transfusion going while she was still under.
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    • ......now this makes me not want to go through with getting pregnant
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    • Is this reverse loss?
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    • To bad single father's don't get any recognition.
      Bad_Vibes 29 jul
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    • dhi53ed6 29 jul
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    • When you realize that you are in fact a dumbass.
      Raynen 30 jul
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    • instead of new born baby, I read "new baby corn" and was genuinely confused for a minute
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    • content not available more
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    • Where’s the unnecessary reaction pic
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    • Big leslie Neilson energy
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    • how do I put tears back in my face again?
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    • My girlfriend said that she might not make it through giving birth and I’d rather have her than taking care of a child by myself but she would rather die than have anything happen to the baby
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    • I’d much rather adopt, putting my wife through the uncertainty of childbirth would probably drive me insane
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    • This is why in my nurse aide class, they taught us that medical professionals (as coldly as it may seem) say, "they died" to avoid ambiguity
      jeo181294 31 jul
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    • “Then tell her to get here soon”
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    • I had sex with my girlfriend and she came and I didn’t and then her legs started shaking violently and she went to bed. Shit felt better than cumming seeing that lmao
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    • Wait did she cheat on him? I'm sorry I'm really fucking stupid
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    • Dad move
      latman 31 jul
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    • I feel like they wouldnt hand u the fragile child the same moment they told u information that could make u freak out
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    • I lol’d
      FBImeme 31 jul
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    • Well... they told him all he had to do was wear a mask.
      JimDude 31 jul
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    • Joke the darkness away
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    • Knife
      ZephPV 31 jul
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    • Someone find the original. I'm too lazy
      ScrubLife 31 jul
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    • content not available more
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    • content not available more
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    • What makes this even better is I’m reading this while at the gynecologist
      Aceoflove 30 jul
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    • Top tier dad joke
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    • Damn he do the dark humor
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    • You can't be a dad without two d's
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    • I hate when people call themselves intellectuals
      kingd_69 30 jul
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    • If my wife died because of our child I would be absolutely heartbroken but I would raise that kid to be a fucking god.
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    • My dumbass actually thought that the wife cheated and somehow the baby was not made by that woman
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    • wildebEAST91 :’(
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    • He has won but at what cost
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    • He'd be tearing up as he says that
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    • It took a minute
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    • CLANNAD vibes bro I cried
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    • My drunk ass had to triple take this
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    • Everyone thinks this was about cheating but the doctor said his wife (didn't make it) and he made the joke as if his wife didn't (make) that baby. He wasn't saying the baby wasn't his
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    • Lol, that one doctor from Arrested Development.
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    • Just a family guy joke
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    • Ima be honest...I read it as the wife didn’t make the baby at first as well...was all like the fuck did you get that baby from then?
      yUgIoH2 30 jul
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    • Imagine actually saying that
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    • Why do I have to be the doctor in your joke?
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    • I need to hear Leslie Nielsen say this.
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    • Funny story, I have a kid that's about to be 6 months and I was with the girl I had him with for almost three years. Long story short, she cheated on me with 2 different guys after she had him and now I'm supposed to leave the state and dont know what to do about my kid...
      Crobbin 30 jul
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    • What do you mean at is not here?
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    • He outsmarted the system and therefore gets the baby for free
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    • What the fuck can you even respond to that as a doctor
      derb 30 jul
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    • What’s the death rate of this
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    • *me holding my newborn infant* "What are it's stats?"
      DatTop 30 jul
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    • This was a lot funnier before they put the shitty intellectual meme on it
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    • You won but at what cost
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    • Is it sad I have my first dad joke picked out already?
      Shunin 30 jul
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    • *Throwing it on the ground and stomping around, arms crossed like a 5 year old* I dont want it
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    • Again, iSad
      yonewguy 30 jul
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    • I saw this exact meme but without the “, an intelectual” part and it’s so much better
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    • Gib me de babo de wif mado
      HoboChair 30 jul
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    • Well we know he’s a dad
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    • That’s kinda dark
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    • The beginning of the movie Hours
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    • C
      _1__1___ 29 jul
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    • A dad joke...hes ready
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    • I'm so slow omg
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    • Bad trade deal
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