If your rice is too wet,
you fucked up
- Uncle Roger
2DrunkToTasteThisChicken 2DrunkToTasteThisChicken
24 sep 2020
If your rice is too wet, you fucked up - Uncle Roger
A little boy asks his dad; "What's be mom's legs?"
tween mom's legs?"
The father answers," Paradise."
The kid asks again, "Whats between your legs?" The father replies, "The key to paradise."
Then, the son says, "Piece of advice dad, change the lock. The neighbor has a copy."
total_insertrave total_insertrave
17 jun
A little boy asks his dad; "What's be mom's legs?" tween mom's legs?" The father answers," Paradise." The kid asks again, "Whats between your legs?" The father replies, "The key to paradise." Then, the son says, "Piece of advice dad, change the lock. The neighbor has a copy."
It's sweater season time.
Hope they still fit after quarantine
mealyjust mealyjust
29 oct 2020
It's sweater season time. Hope they still fit after quarantine
our full-grown, 90-pound dog who stiFthinks he's a puppy
your lap
XXXONAMEMESTREAK XXXONAMEMESTREAK
27 sep 2020
our full-grown, 90-pound dog who stiFthinks he's a puppy your lap
Netflix: Are you still there
Me:
bigclout bigclout
1 may
Netflix: Are you still there Me:
"I don't want flowers!! I want you to find my fucking G Spot!"
FANTOMGOD FANTOMGOD
10 feb
"I don't want flowers!! I want you to find my fucking G Spot!"
he mad because I asked him to train me
sugondeeze sugondeeze
19 jan 2021
he mad because I asked him to train me
Tax fraud is my favorite past time
You have become the very thing you swore. to destroy
Neurotoxin Neurotoxin
28 sep 2020
Tax fraud is my favorite past time You have become the very thing you swore. to destroy
Am I masturbating because I'm horny?
or because I'm depressed and I need the dopamine?
RumNCoke4mike RumNCoke4mike
5 mar
Am I masturbating because I'm horny? or because I'm depressed and I need the dopamine?
Nobody:
History channel at midnight:
shadey12 shadey12
7 apr
Nobody: History channel at midnight:
Me driving passed
any dirt road:
I wonder where that goes
Chevy_83 Chevy_83
10 feb
Me driving passed any dirt road: I wonder where that goes
it was at this moment this dog knew he didn't want to lick his butt anymore
that_dude225 that_dude225
15 dec 2020
it was at this moment this dog knew he didn't want to lick his butt anymore
When you ask you friend if he smells popcorn immediately after you rip ass, so he goes and takes big whiff.
ThePolishMan ThePolishMan
15 feb
When you ask you friend if he smells popcorn immediately after you rip ass, so he goes and takes big whiff.
Wife: Honey. am I fat?
Husband: No dear, I like the way you are.
Wife: I'm hungry, carry me to the fridge.
Husband: You wait, I carry the fridge to you.
ErosOne ErosOne
16 oct 2020
Wife: Honey. am I fat? Husband: No dear, I like the way you are. Wife: I'm hungry, carry me to the fridge. Husband: You wait, I carry the fridge to you.
When someone insults you and it's actually a good one you haven't heard before
jamespay
8 dec 2020
When someone insults you and it's actually a good one you haven't heard before
NEW YORK POST
Cops bust thief who stole
42,000 pounds of pistachios
Scarletbee Scarletbee
22 jun
NEW YORK POST Cops bust thief who stole 42,000 pounds of pistachios
me showing up to my buddy's
house with 9 busch lights in a walmart sack
Hey quys. you ready to let the dogs out?
sugondeeze sugondeeze
23 sep 2020
me showing up to my buddy's house with 9 busch lights in a walmart sack Hey quys. you ready to let the dogs out?
When you use the microwave
The food: The bowl:
MurkDirty MurkDirty
18 jan 2021
When you use the microwave The food: The bowl:
90% Your Job As A Dad Is To Stare At Your
Kids Like This Until They Act Right
Sarcasthole Sarcasthole
31 mar
90% Your Job As A Dad Is To Stare At Your Kids Like This Until They Act Right