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    • “ Pete’s pizzeria and abortion clinic! Where yesterday‘s loss is today’s sauce, what can I get started for ya today, you puttin one in the oven or takin one out?”
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    • Texas crematorium you noon em we grill em was always funny to me.
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    • Mineral County sparm bank you jack it we pack it how may i help you
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    • I bet he never said this
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    • Thank you for calling 8balls sperm bank. You squeeze em we freeze em how can I help you today
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    • Thank you for calling Carters Sperm bank, you spank it we bank it!
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    • "Uh yeah this is uhhhh last name lester, first name moe."
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    • Thank you for calling [REDACTED] County sperm bank. Will you be making a deposit?
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    • ‘Washington sperm bank, you squeezed it we freeze it’
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    • One time this Indian guy said he was with the government and they were calling to approve my financial aid, but first he needed $300 worth in iTunes cards codes. So I was like I gotchu, I was like, “imma go get the codes and call you back” and hung up. Lmao
      Parlay 2 oct
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    • “Wallin’s sperm bank you jack it we pack it this is Todd speaking” is always my favorite
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    • Girl convinced my mom she was pregnant and my friends kept making jokes about it. One day my mom had a question she wanted to ask one of my friends so I call speaker phone and with a straight voice he rattles off "Bob's abortion clinic you noon it we scnoon it no fetus can beat us this is bob"
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    • Not even pizza hut is this strong
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    • "FBI domestic office, what can I help you with?"
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    • I always say "Fort Worth Crematorium; you noon 'em we grill 'em. This is 8-Ball speaking how may I help?"
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    • Hello and thank you for calling Petes Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce. We bake it so you don't have to. Can I help you with a euthanization or a culinary creation today?
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    • "Texas Sperm Bank. You wank it, we tank it. How may i help you?"
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    • Donnie's Dildos. Suck em, Chuck em, and Fuck em
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    • You have reached the home of Joe Biden please leave your....Umm....where am I?
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    • I just keep them on the line as long as I can, had one for my entire drive home from work once, I straight up pretended to be an old lady with turrets and kept calling the dude a cunt every 2 seconds. He was so fucking dumb I eventually hung up on him
      Xalvian 2 oct
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    • Joe’s Crab Shack, your stds is another mans lunch
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    • The best thing I said to a scammer went like this: he told me my computer had a virus, to which I responded I didn’t know what a computer was. He was silent before putting me on hold and transferring me to his manager. His manager told me what a computer was and offered to sell me one, but that it
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    • Montana voting registration called me yesterday about registration when I haven’t lived there in 2 years and they got as far as “Have you reg-“ and I replied “No but have you went and registered to fuck yourself?” and hung up. They call me everyday multiple times a day and tell me
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    • My dad worked at Burger King right next to a mortuary, and sometimes would answer the phone “Marty’s mortuary. You stab em we slab em, you noon em we chill em. What can I do for you?” Fuckin legend
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    • Mines similar, “joes abortion clinic and barbecue, you noon em we grill em, what can I get for you today?”
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    • “Are you placing an order or making an appointment?”
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    • Joes whore house you got the doe we got the hoes
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    • Psychic pizza! Your bill comes to $15.93 it’ll be ready in about twenty minutes!
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    • Dr. Ron’s taxidermy an veterinary clinic in which either way to get your dog back.
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    • Wongs chinese buffet and massage therapy happy ending either way
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    • Door to door dildo delivery no size to big or too small
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    • Aberdeen sperm bank, you jack it we pack it, what can I do for ya?
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    • Where there’s an extra little soul in each bite
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    • Unusually answer with escambia country sheriffs office and all you hear is click 😅 they never call back
      2rawwww 2 oct
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    • Joe's hoes shack, you got the dough we got the hoe how may I help you?
      Jorq420 2 oct
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    • Stolen straight from Jameskii
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    • Me and this chick I worked with hooked up but the time leading up to it was pure bliss.. she called me all these nice things.. played with my hair. It was nice to have a break for a while.. to not care and be stoned with someone like that.. but two days later she said she has stuff to work out witb
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    • We all know ferrets are nooning babies and drinking their blood and adrenochrome to stay alive #pizzagate
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    • I usually just go for “long johns dick enlargement services...” or “hello this is patrish, old Russian lady...” then shouting absolute nonsense.
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    • Mike abortion clinic you noon em we scnoon em
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    • Welcome to fetus deleteus pizza where your loss is our sauce
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    • Thank you for calling the newmaker foundation, the first step to getting your new child is undereay
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    • ill take a bread sandwich
      swifty_ 2 oct
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    • Answer, tell them “oh I don’t know anything about this. Let me go get my mom” then leave my phone in another room and never hang up. Fun to see how long they stay
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    • Scammers dont give too shits even if youre dying of cancer and have no money to pay for it. Most people they scam are those kind of people...
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    • I used to say this all the time
      FwkFace 2 oct
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    • BRO IM TAKEING A SHIT..... then there was about 1 min of uncomfortable silence then i hung up
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    • "Sir, do you mind if we record this call" "Only if you don't mind if I masturbate while youre on the phone
      wqas 2 oct
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    • I tried to sell a baby, I've also played a redneck under witness protection, I've told voters that I'm a felon, but I'd love to hear more about how they plan to fix the system, my personal favorite is asking them the same questions they ask me.
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    • Damien’s sperm bank. You squeeze we freeze.
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    • Joe's meat market! You can beat our prices but'chu can't beat our meat! How can I help ya?
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    • Peterpenguin dis u?
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    • I literally started singing him a song....
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    • Welcome to my Abortion Clinic/Taqueria, or as the locals call it, the Die-arrhea!
      pluviam 2 oct
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    • Auschwitz, how may I help Jew? Mike's abortion clinic, you noon them, we scnoon them. Michael Myers cutlery, Jason Voorhees swim camp, Ray Charles and Stevie wonder tour, blinded by the light, this is the band manager.
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    • "Are you wearing pants?"
      doglaver 2 oct
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    • I say “NO, THIS IS PATRICK”!
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    • Happy henry's horny house, how can I hump you?
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    • Back yard abortions you noon em we scnoon em
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    • They don’t like those clinics round these parts
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    • Jim’s whore house you got the dough we got the hoe
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    • Texas state abortion clinic you noon em we scnoon em
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    • "Johnny's Whorehouse. You got the dough, we got the ho'."
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    • Agent Warren, fraud division. If it's a person you can usually hear the brick they shat hit the floor
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    • “Thank you for calling Jim’s Whore House, you got the dough we got the hoe. How may I help you?”
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    • This is the Las Vegas whore house you got the dough we got your hoe
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    • Thank you for reaching out to the Grand Wizard. How can I help you?
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    • One time my wife called my work and answered the phone, “smiths chicken’s and brothel, we pluck ‘em, you fuck ‘em, how can I help you?” It took her 5 minutes to recover
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    • Thanks for calling Danny’s wh*re house you got the dough, I got the h*e
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    • Tennessee sperm bank, you squeeze em', we freeze em', how may I help you?
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    • I answered the phone with "yeah I'm calling for a Mark please?" They were very confused "yeah im calling because Mark submitted a job application and I wanted to call him in for a job interview" scammer was like "I called you..." I was like "no I absolutely called you. Trying to get ahold of Mark"
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    • City morgue! You noon em we grill em!
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    • This has been my go to since i heard this joke
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    • Child abuse center, you beat them we treat them. How may i help you?!
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    • Rick's Drilling Co. Your hole is our goal
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    • Hello this is plant parent hood you r a p e them we scrap them
      hudub 3 oct
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    • I liked johns sperm bank you squeeze ‘em, we freeze ‘em, how may I direct your call
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    • Pete can out pizza the hut
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    • Kalebs easy erections you call us up we get it up
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    • Harry's house of horrors, how big's your bush
      Kartovin 3 oct
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    • Big chucks fuck and suck you got the dough we got the hoe
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    • Chucks smokehouse you noon it we grill it how may I help you?
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    • You make em we take em, no fetus can beat us.
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    • Randy's Chicken shack you buy it we fry it (in southern accent)
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    • "Dick's hotdogs, if you love hotdogs, you'll love Dick's"
      matt55 3 oct
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    • Planned parenthood, you knock em up, we knock em down, no fetus can beat us how may I help you today
      agbro22 3 oct
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    • I whispered into the microphone “hello? Who is this? I have you know I’m wanted for sexual assault in 38/50 states. I’m really bored, so IM GOING TO noon YOU!”
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    • Sky High Sperm Bank you shag it we bag it Tom speaking
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    • My go to line is always "vinnies vibrators, we put the buzz in you, this is Vinnie speaking how can I help you?
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    • “Hi this isJakes whore shop, where you got the dough and we got the hoe. This is Mike speaking how can I help you”? I’ve never used that, but I want to
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    • Welcome to Abortion Pizza! Your loss is our sauce.
      Kirmby 2 oct
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    • “Sperm cell research center, you squeeze em we freeze em!” Oh hey grandma -.-
      dguy42 2 oct
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    • Joe's Pool Hall, we rack 'em you crack 'em. County Abortion Clinic, you blubby 'em we skblubby 'em. The best part, our phone was still party of a party line. Please forgive me, I was a teen way back then. 😕💞😂. Can't even use the letters R A P E in order IN a word! 🧐
      missnay 2 oct
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    • *plays the pokemon theme song until they stop talking*
      Just_Zip 2 oct
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    • “Samantha I swear a god I’m never doing anal again unless u bring lube this time!”
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    • Dr.Zargyles abortion and barbecue, where your mistake is our next cheese steak
      stome 2 oct
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    • I'm gonna use that next time my grandma calls me
      Cz67 2 oct
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    • Stolen joke btw
      nutcum 2 oct
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    • I’m tired of commenting on things and every letter I type the keyboard disappears
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