• Bard: I polymorph myself into a
bird and I fly the cart over the wall!
Dm: *rubs their temple* What bird
can lift an entire wooden cart?
Bard: A crane.
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  • 619 comments

    • Polymorph is REALLY lenient in its wording. Our sorcerer polymorped into an anglerfish with arms in order to retrieve a magic item at the ocean floor. Absolute nightmare fuel ensued when he realized what he could do.
      DoubleM 27 jun
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    • Or an African swallow if the cart was the size of a coconut
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    • Maybe an AFRICAN crane could do it...
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    • Are you suggesting wooden carts migrate
      521 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Wait so they can just transform into things? Like if he said he wanted to be a dick with wings he could actually be a flying fuck?
      362 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • I’m looking to get into D&D but don’t know how or where to start. Any tips/suggestions?
      cheeker33 27 jun
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    • Best shit is using "Alter form" as a warlock to get a sick ass blade arm like from prototype
      279 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • Tomio 27 jun
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    • Don’t wanna sound like an idiot, but DnD isn’t my thing, so can someone tell me some of the basics. Rules, moves, general idea of the game.
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    • Dnd is just math masked as skyrim change my mind
      idfk1741 27 jun
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    • If the bard can cast Polymorph you have LOADS of shit that can easily get a cart over a wall.
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    • D&D a fantasy RPG board game right, with mythological creatures, correct? What bird could lift an entire wooden cart into the air? A ROC giant eagle. Does no one have an imagination anymore.
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    • 11 Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • A Roc would be large enough
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    • This is all fun and games, until that same player pulls this shit every session and continually ruins/breaks sections of the game
      The213OG 28 jun
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    • Suppose two swallows...
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    • Why not a Quetzalcoatl?
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    • African swallow
      Jerando 27 jun
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    • Listen if a swallow can carry some coconuts i think a crane can lift a cart
      Volde 27 jun
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    • Nothings better than when your team of deadly warriors and reality warping spellcasters can't handle something and that one guys like "don't worry, I got this" and becomes a fucking bear or something
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    • A roc.
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    • African cranes are non migratory
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    • An argentavis
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    • Where’s that MASH meme with the DM saying he will allow the stupid
      jibjab 27 jun
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    • I wouldn't put it passed a crane (sandhill) to actually be able to do that. They're some big birds!!
      toni910 27 jun
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    • Sounds like a dad joke with the last 3 lines
      beefy13 27 jun
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    • Okay but perhaps there was a second bird to assist them?
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    • Well an African crane, maybe, but not a Euoropean crane.
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    • Giant eagle
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    • Is that.. meta roleplaying?
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    • A roc could but they’re considered a monstrosity so idk if it’s work
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    • My DM would ask if it was an African or an English swallow
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    • Phexal 27 jun
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    • Thank you guys for going straight to Monty Python, I was thinking I was the only one.
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    • DnD memes are so cringe and painfully unfunny
      Krauser 27 jun
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    • I have a riding crop I hit my players with when they do something stupid I let it play out but they do get smacked for roll for how hard
      milop12 27 jun
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    • Rise with me brothers. Fight against the fucking porn posting bots. ✊
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    • Autauga 27 jun
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    • LewdShopManagerEcho
      Like this comment for lewds
      LewdShopManagerEcho 27 jun
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    • Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • An African swallow perhaps?
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    • Tbh i wanna get into it is there anyway to play online as im only a teen and very antisocial
      NutSaggin 30 jun
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    • Uh oh
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    • A roc
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    • Suppose 2 swallows can
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    • Smite him.
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    • Giant Eagle? No? Ok...
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    • The party:
      Denichae 30 jun
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    • A roc
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    • An African swallow might be able to do it, however if a European swallow wanted to do it it would need to tie a line through the cart and get assistance from a friend
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    • Fuckin hell bois, my last session i rolled 2d8 against a halforc little bitch and both were 1’s. BUT THE BITCH ASS WIZARD CAN HIT SOMEONE WITH A PERFECT FUKIN CRIT
      RonIsALog 29 jun
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    • An African Swallow
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    • God tier bard energy
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    • Or just be a level 18 druid and pretty much be able to be anything you want with little to no consequence
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    • Is it possible to break the fourth wall in D&D?
      atl530 29 jun
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    • It’s dnd how about a griffin or some shit?
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    • Just be a really buff arawhatever the fuck
      iBandit 29 jun
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    • No you might need a line and two cranes
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    • Perhaps if two of them carried it together, they could probably do it with a string of creeper
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    • A crane wouldnt be big enough but an albatross would be
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    • Copy FacebookPinterestTwitterEmail {{ shortRepliesCount }}
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    • An unladen swallow
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    • African or European swallow?
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    • A roc
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    • Once our druid turned into a bird during the night for 3 months. Just to chirp at a party member trying to sleep in jail because he attacked a child. While I worked in a clothing shop.
      Trilands 28 jun
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    • A quetzalcoatl.
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    • Maybe they carried it between two birds?
      FangAngel 28 jun
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    • polypuff
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    • Coulda gone with a roc
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    • You take 6d4 lighting damage
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    • It’s not about grabbing the husk it’s more about ratios isn’t it.
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    • *DM starts rolling a d20* “Does a 29 hit?”
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    • Surely a swallow could.
      tacosouls 28 jun
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    • Of course an African swallow
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    • In Kung Fu panda
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    • He could grip it by the hull
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    • DM: "Is it an African or European crane?"
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    • Emu
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    • Roc
      marfman 28 jun
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    • Wb a Condor?
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    • That seems to check out. By the way, never let me team up with the bard... That's how ships carrying the hostage we're supposed to rescue explodes
      The_Rogue 28 jun
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    • Are you suggesting that a five ounce bird can carry a one pound coconut?
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    • Hey if any of you reading this happens to be a wizard, could you just end my suffering
      good__boy 27 jun
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    • A bigger bird eats you
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    • I polymorph myself into an absolute dickhead. Just a real piece of shit. He looks like-*proceeds to stare down DM while describing him in specific detail*
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    • An African swallow
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    • Are you suggesting a 7 pound crane could carry a 40 pound wooden cart?
      Smoakin 27 jun
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    • First time ive seen the word polymorph outside of league
      o3ob 27 jun
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    • Roc. Be one of those.
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    • Is anyone looking to do a campaign? DM me and I will give you some details. It is via discord on roll 20
      troydav01 27 jun
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    • Unladen African swallow
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    • If nobody else thought of the Monty python swallow I've lost all faith in humanity
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    • Basically jrwi
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    • A roc
      DrWolfy 27 jun
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    • A Roc
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    • The party really went like: 👀
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    • Gotta love the comment section when it comes to stupid shit that everyone is in on.
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    • A pterodactyl
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    • Certainly not a european crane
      XudOwO 27 jun
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    • African Swallow.
      ArtbyJ 27 jun
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